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Thanksgiving: What does each color bring to the table?

Gratitude. When someone mentions this word, how does it resonate with you? Do you think about 2021 being a particularly tough year with more blows than you thought you could stand? Or do you immediately go to looking around at your material items? Maybe you are naturally grateful and can see the positive amidst a sea of challenges.

I wasn’t built with a sunshine disposition. (Have you guessed my color yet?) I have to work at it, and yes I have to work at knowing and naming what I am grateful for. It takes work. (Ok, I’ll fess up. I’m a Red with a strong secondary Blue.) Can you relate?

As we are traveling through this holiday season, what comes to mind when you think of Thanksgiving? Even for those who do not celebrate the holiday, I would suggest you still take the time off work and plan for a special meal alongside family and friends.

For me, Thanksgiving has always been a favorite holiday because of a certain dish. (Yes – this Red isn’t ready to talk about the relationships around the table and seeing family… blah blah blah.) I want to tell you about my mother’s noodles. And even more – my husband’s ability to make them. Trust me, there is something in here for you. Truly.

How in the world does this relate to gratitude? Well, it started several years ago when I realized we would not make it back to my parent’s home for the holidays. My gastronomical system immediately began its slide into a depressive zone. No Thanksgiving in East Tennessee meant no noodles. My mother’s homemade noodles. The ones I’ve been eating since before I could walk. The ones all of my friends remember when they have had holiday meals at our home. The ones that I will fight you on if you dare call them “dumplins.” (They most decidedly are not.) The ones that my late father and I would fight for position over the pot on the stove to see who would sample them first while my mom yelled, “Leave them alone. They are not done yet. Save some for everyone else!” Too bad, suckers. We had our bowls and forks ready the minute she dropped those things in the pot of chicken stock. Those noodles were ours! No one – and I mean no one – was going to box us out of position for the first bowls of those heavenly flour noodles of goodness.

Throughout my young adult years when I could not make it home for Thanksgiving, my phone-resistant father would often call and say, “Guess what I am eating.” And I knew. Those noodles. At least I had the peace that came with the Christmas holiday. I would get mine.

But then came that year when I knew that I would not get home for either the Thanksgiving or the Christmas holiday. No noodles at all. And my whining commenced. My sadness came in. My efforts at sunshine were void. (Ok, a bit melodramatic, but trust me – I was not a happy camper.)

Until. My dear husband (who does most of the cooking and is a White personality) said, “I’ll make them for you.” And I said, “Really?” My eyes lit up. My whining stilled. My hopes were returned. I had the recipe. I just didn’t have the skills. My husband? He had the heart. The respect for the need. The wisdom to know how much this would please me, and yes – he had the culinary skills.

And make those noodles he did. He prepared them that year (sooo good!), and then he perfected them over the years to beyond what my mom (sorry again, mom – but we have broken the news to her already) did. He made a few changes in the stock and cut the noodles a bit thinner. He does other ingredients he is a bit vague about. They are, simply put, heaven on earth.

So, when I think about being grateful for Thanksgiving, I must admit my gratitude goes to those noodles. And if I were to reveal my real thoughts and expose my feelings, I am grateful for more than just the noodles – I am grateful for having loved ones that started traditions (mom) and continue traditions (my husband, Kevin).

As a Red on the Color Code with a strong secondary Blue, holidays are conflicting. We think of the actions that need to be taken and then, if we are not aware, our secondary emotions can kick in. So, knowing this, how might each color approach Thanksgiving?

Whites: Whites will accept you as you are. You like noodles? Great! You don’t? No problem! They want to you to respect and accept them as well. They will show their gratitude in quiet ways of support (noodle making – trust me, they really are that amazing and worthy of all of this space) or in just sitting with you when you are missing that special family member who is no longer on the planet.

Blues: Blues are going to plan this day. They are going to think about matching napkins, placeholders for the attendees and what everyone would want to drink. They are going to consider the serve ware the dishes are served in and might even have a theme. Don’t even think about putting the mashed potatoes in the same bowl they were mashed in. There is a special dish just for the presentation. Trust me. There is. Be sure to acknowledge your appreciation for their efforts, even if you couldn’t care less how the napkins were folded. They care, and that is what matters.

Yellows: Yellows need to keep things light and fun. They want a bit of structure (it’s good for them to know when you are eating, but please do not expect them to plan the shopping and the menu on their own) and will bring the energy and acceptance to the dinner space. They are the most inclusive of the four colors – and so you know they will accept that unique family member or special someone that is brought to the meal.

Reds: Reds, well – that secondary color is important. A Red is about getting things done. Meal at 2pm – eat – clean up. Move on to the next. They are not necessarily about lingering at the table after the meal is done – they are already ticking to their next action step. They will make sure the plans are in motion and depending on their secondary, might follow-up to ensure the details are done. But, they are going to expect to eat when they are ready, and waiting for that one person who is always an hour late? Well, there is a reason my dad and I would get a head start around that stovetop. We are practical people.

Each personality color has amazing contributions to bring to our table. When we acknowledge them, highlight their gifts and work together, our meals and time together can become extraordinary. We can connect again and remember the funny quirks we all have. We can be grateful that our Blue attendee really did set a beautiful table that enhances the food presentation and that the Yellow’s energy brings the light conversation we all so need. The White is going to be the safe space for that family member or attendee who has had a tough year and just wants a good meal and a conversation that doesn’t include, “What are your goals for 2022?” And the Red is going to make sure the meal starts somewhere around the planned time and also ensure that the space gets cleaned up so the game can be watched or played.

As you begin this holiday season, whatever way you choose, keep your perspective and stay grateful for your blessings. Even when they come in the form of a little flour and chicken stock. Trust me.

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Kelly L. Knowles is a senior trainer at a regional law firm, where she develops and provides technical and professional skills training to all levels of the organization. Kelly is also an adjunct instructor in the Business Management department at MTSU. In 2017, Kelly obtained a Color Code certification and began Kelly K. Consulting. Kelly K. Consulting focuses on helping individuals and teams discover, develop, and dig into their inner leader. She guides this through one-on-one and group coaching as well as through corporate team training.

Eight Ways Color Code Helps Parents & Kids

Recently, I had the fun opportunity to help create a mini Messenger lesson for our Facebook fans that was designed to teach parents specifically how Color Code helps them and their kids.

However, since many of our blog readers are not on Facebook, I thought it would be fun to share that info here as well in the form of an article.

So, without further adieu, let’s explore eight of my favorite ways Color Code helps parents and kids.

1. Goodbye, frustrations! (Well, at least a lot of them ;))

One HUGE way Color Code helps parents and their kids is it frees them both from many unnecessary frustrations simply by helping them make sense of each other’s personality styles. We all are different, and Color Code helps us make allowances for these differences and learn to navigate them with mutual understanding.

For example, if you know your child is a Red, you know she is looking for results and will challenge you directly. Knowing this about her personality instantly frees you from personalizing her challenges and empowers you with tools to better meet both of your needs.

2. Google Translate — Personality Edition

Another way Color Code helps parents is teaching them how to understand and approach their child’s communication style so they are no longer faced with a child who may not currently be able to “hear” them because of how messages are being presented. Parents have a lot of important messages they want to convey to their kids, but many times kids don’t listen (or at least don’t hear) simply because of how the message is being presented. Color Code can help out.

For example, if you learn that your child is a White and what that means, you’ll know he resents being pressured to do things. As a parent, of course, you want to see your child thrive. And the fact that your child is naturally unmotivated and uninvolved — two innate limitations of the White personality —may make you nag. However, hounding him to do his homework or pressuring him to join a team sport will probably not be received well, because Whites dislike being controlled. As a Red or a Blue parent, this is a considerable challenge because of your controlling nature. But instead of pressuring your White child into doing things, Color Code would suggest ways you can show patience without trying to rush them or be cruel or insensitive if you want to avoid the oh-so-frustrating “silently stubborn” trap Whites are famous for.

3. It’s not you, it’s me. Seriously.

Color Code also helps parents understand their own personal biases in relationship to their child’s personality. This is extremely helpful as a parent, because when we understand our own wants and needs in relation to our child’s, we can clearly see how we enhance and detract from our child’s success.

For example, if you are a Yellow parent, you tend to welcome change and getting over things comes easily to you. But, if you know your child is a Blue, you’ll know that too much change is difficult for him, and he has a much harder time letting things go than you. Knowing this will help you show up for him in the way he needs you to show up instead of expecting him to handle it your way and not understanding what the problem is.

4. The Right Tool for the Right Personality

Color Code also gives parents insights into setting their kids up for success based specifically on their personality style.

For example, if one of your children is Yellow, you most likely have noticed that even though she is so much fun and great at many things, she seems to have a naturally harder time staying focused and finishing projects. And because of this, she needs a different type of help to cross finish lines for homework, goals, and creating healthy life habits. Combining this knowledge with our tips and tricks for parenting a Yellow can help you create a schedule and system that will provide her with the blend of freedom, reward systems, and playfulness she needs, while also adding in the structure and limits required for her to succeed. Obviously it goes without saying that Color Code doesn’t provide all the answers, but it absolutely points parents in the right direction to get their kids the tools they need for success much faster than without.

And speaking of setting up kids for success, let’s now take a look at a few ways Color Code specifically helps children.

5. Foundational Self-Awareness FTW

One of the major ways Color Code helps kids and teens is by giving them a significant jump in self-awareness. This is so helpful, because experts have determined that self-awareness is a critical factor in creating success in life. It leads to better decision-making, greater self-control, greater self-confidence, and positive self-development to name just a few of its benefits. And, one of the best reasons Color Code is so helpful with self-awareness for children and teens is because it’s actually easy to remember and to apply.

6. An Active Voice and Sense of Self

Additionally, when children or teens are able to take a Color Code age-appropriate assessment for themselves, it gives them an active voice in assessing who they believe they are at the core. Not only are they much more receptive to this than merely being assessed by others and told what color personality they are believed to be, but young people are especially open to discovering and questioning new insights about themselves. They feel far less threatened than adults by the prospect of looking inward at their inherent strengths and limitations. And, for many, this awareness comes with added self-esteem and self-reflection, because it provides an identity separate from any other influence and frees them to see themselves at their raw, innate core.

7. A Plan With Room to Grow and Places to Go

Once youth understand their Driving Core Motive and what that means for them, they are able to leverage the insights about their strengths and limitations along with the activity in their assessment to come up with an age-appropriate self-awareness plan, gain leadership skills, develop better study habits, understand their parents and peers better, as well as simply have greater self-esteem and self-assurance about who they are as a person.

8. Empathy for Others — Even Really Difficult People

And the last big thing we want to mention is that the concepts of color-coding provide young people with powerful tools for understanding and empathizing with others—even previously difficult and different people. Each youth assessment not only educates an individual about their own personality type, but also about other people’s basic wants and needs, strengths and limitations. The insights found within their assessment results are specifically designed to give age-appropriate understanding about why people behave differently from each other, make allowances for those differences, and champion our diversity in personalities.

And there you have it! My favorite eight ways Color Code helps parents and youth.

But more importantly, hopefully YOU saw a few ways in which you and your family could benefit.

If you did, I wanted you to know that we are giving away a FREE download of our new 40-page parenting guide when you purchase any of our youth or adult assessments. We worked hard on packing it with great info, (I was on the team that created it, in fact!) and I know you will find a lot of good stuff in it.

Plus, for a limited time, if you use this special link, you’ll get 25 percent off all youth and adult assessments, the free 40-page parenting guide and free shipping!

Here’s to you and more parent-child bliss! 😉

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Joe England has known about the Color Code ever since 1994 when his Grandpa caused quite a family controversy by “quick coding” everyone. Luckily, Joe could see the value in what Grandpa Don was going for and years later, when the opportunity arose to work for the Color Code, Joe jumped at the chance. He is a Yellow, enjoys Swedish Fish and typically gets along with children better than adults.

5 Listening Traps to Avoid

“To effectively communicate, we must realize that we are all different in the way we perceive the world and then we must use this understanding as a guide to our communication with others.” – Anthony Robbins

Have you ever noticed how GOOD it feels to be really listened to? It’s impactful and conveys respect and value.

The ability to effectively communicate with others remains the single most important factor on a leader’s list of attributes. A big part of effective communication is active listening. Unfortunately, one of the big communication challenges most people face is that we don’t actively listen to understand. We listen to reply.

How many times have you forgotten the name of someone who’s just been introduced? It happens all the time. Why? Because people pay only scant attention to what is being said. They’re already formulating their reply or have mentally moved on to the next topic or person.

Reds and Yellows usually have the most difficulty when it comes to active listening, because they are either only half-focused on the conversation, or their attention span doesn’t have time for long, drawn-out stories or explanations.

However, Blues and Whites can also struggle with active listening. A Blue might get stuck trying to understand a particular statement while the conversation has moved on. And a White can become so busy analyzing the words that have been used, they miss the essence of what is being said.

In a nutshell, everyone faces challenges when it comes to giving their full attention to “here and now” conversations. To help us keep our listening channels open, here are five communication traps any color could easily avoid. See if you can identify the most likely personality color to fall into these traps.

Tuning Out—Not paying attention to the speaker due to disinterest in the speaker or subject. Thinking about other things or multitasking.
Rehearsing—Concentrating on what to say or do next rather than focusing on the speaker’s message. Planning the next steps before the speaker has finished.
Detachment—Remaining emotionally detached from the speaker, concerned with content only and not the feelings behind it. Only half-listening or not interacting, thereby missing the message’s underlying meaning.
Judging—Having a different opinion that causes the listener to block out new ideas and information. Overanalyzing the speaker’s underlying meaning, causing you to miss the point.
Controlling the Conversation—Failure to allow the speaker to talk at his or her own pace. Constantly interrupting with comments or questions.

When you find yourself facing one of these common listening traps, it’s time to adjust your communication style to meet the needs of your listener.

If you’re guilty of any of these communication traps, take a moment to assess why, and then, using what you know about the driving core motive of each personality color, refocus your attention and take responsibility for becoming an effective, active listener.

Active listening is everyone’s responsibility. If each of us takes the time to really listen to what others say, think, and feel, I believe we’ll foster a better sense of community and stronger understanding between all people.

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Carol Westberry was introduced to Color Code in 1994 and certified as a Color Code Trainer in 2011. Carol has made Color Code and the principles outlined by Dr. Hartman an integral part of her human resources professional services and client trainings. A fun-motivated (flaming) YELLOW, Carol uses her natural talents of enthusiasm and optimism to guide her clients through all the serious facets of human resources. Her career includes being a certified Human Resources professional in the corporate as well as the consulting worlds, a management and leadership trainer, an international best-selling author and an accomplished workshop and seminar presenter. As a featured speaker at numerous annual conferences and conventions, Carol has designed and delivered HR Compliance Color Code-focused workshops to thousands of people. Carol is married to her high school sweetheart, has traveled extensively, and admits that she plays “at” playing golf. She also enjoys reminding her Red husband that she is the only one in the family who has ever made a hole-in-one.

It’s FALL…. Stay True to Your Colors

Just as seasons change, the world has had to adjust to so much change recently, too. With all these significant changes in our lives, it’s never been more important to stay true to our colors and reignite our passion and purpose. Additionally, it’s so much more important for us to build bridges and mend fences to find ways to get along.

In Fall, we see lots of colors we don’t normally see, and as the world is re-configuring, we see lots of challenges after being isolated from the pandemic.

I will never forget the first time I participated in a Color Code program, and how in ONE DAY, my life changed forever. How could this tool of a Driving Core Motive assessment introduce me to myself in a way that explained my behaviors better than I could explain myself? That happened 20 years ago, and I had to become a trainer after that.

The gift of Fall is the harvest. The better I know myself, the better I show myself. I will now go through each of the personality colors and describe what their harvest would be and even a few holiday ideas for each color (in a perfect world).

RED: Reds will launch into the fourth quarter driven to succeed and achieve. They’ll be planning big for the New Year, too. They will host lovely events but only once they have achieved their goals. Work first…rewards for team and family time later is what to anticipate with our visionary leaders. They will want to reignite successful holiday celebrations for their businesses and families after last year’s social distancing. In superhero terms, Reds are like Iron Man or Wonder Woman, so if you are looking for costumes for your RED kids or parents, the theme is: Go Big or Go Home.

BLUES: Harvest for Blues…let’s connect! It’s time for team-building and family fiestas. Blues want that intimacy and heartfelt connection NOW. They want high-quality, fully decorated themed events, with fancy invitations to parties, thank you notes and thinking-of-you texts. They want to be in touch, and they do it consistently. Businesses created to connect (Do I hear Google or Facebook, anyone?) remind me of Blue enterprises. Blue’s harvest is letting friends know they are there for them. Pick up the phone and dial a Blue; they will love connecting! When it comes to their persona for costumes, it’s a sports hero or Glinda the Good Witch, since they do so well with teams and blessing their friends.

WHITES: The harvest for Whites is harmony. “Let’s chill and stop stressing over EVERYTHING” would be their motto and harvest. Whatever they can do to establish a new normal without conflict, they will. They love a peaceful environment, a good fire in the fireplace and stability. They like routines others find too predictable or boring, but for Whites they are heaven. So if it’s the same menu at Thanksgiving or Holiday time, it’s fine by Whites. The steadiness of White has been a gift to us during this time; they don’t overreact like other colors, so they keep us all grounded. A good Halloween costume for a White would be Yoda from Star Wars, a ghost, or a soft serve ice cream cup! (Vanilla, please.)

YELLOWS: Can you say H-O-L-I-D-A-Y, sports events, concerts, art in the park? The harvest for Yellows is: Socialize, laugh, celebrate, repeat. They like FUN — they majored in it in college. Their harvest is opportunities to express their sunny and cheerful dispositions to the world and to themselves. When they do go on holiday, they bring their friends and family via social media, because they want to spread the good times and cheer you up. Yellows were the first ones to purchase a ticket and travel when they got the opportunity. They openly share their joy, so a celebration for them is costume parties, and their preferred costumes are FULL on: Elvis, Elvira, or Superman or Women (just because capes are COOL).

So as the year transitions to Fall and the holidays, revisit your profile and smile!! Make up for lost connections with a team-building event. See where you can engage with your colors and achieve the life you dreamed of. We are all redefining ourselves, just stay true to your colors and success will be yours.

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Carolyn Gross is a 20-Year Trainer for the Color Code and is located in So. California. As a professional speaker and trainer, she has authored several books and CDs: Rise Above the Chaos, Managing Chaos with Confidence and Staying Calm in the Midst of Chaos. She has been featured on ABC, NBC and Lifetime TV. She delights in interactive team building and executive coaching. With the changes going on, her favorite work is helping you Rise Above the Chaos. For more information, visit www.creativelifesolutions.com or email info@creativelifesolutions.com. To schedule a call, you can reach her office: (760) 741-2762.

Ask the Expert: Helping Whites Create Goals Despite Overwhelm

Dear Jeremy,

I am a White that loves to make goals, but I get overwhelmed, “want to do it all” and then have a hard time following through with my goals. I do very well with accountability. My husband is Yellow and also struggles with keeping goals. To add to the complexity, we have 5 small children ages 19 months to 10 years old.

Heidi

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Hello, Heidi.

Wow! You’ve got a lot going on in life. 🙂

Thank you for taking the time to reach out to us here at Color Code. I’d love to answer your question with a few thoughts of my own.

First of all, I love that you are goal- and accountability-oriented. That’s a tremendous start, and it’s not necessarily natural for someone with a White personality style to be wired that way.

That’s great news!

Next, I’d love to just make a quick comment on your family dynamics, because I’m a Yellow — like your husband — and I also still have young children at home. My first thought here is that you have to give yourself some grace and a little wiggle room with goals. With five small children and one parent with a White personality style and another with a Yellow style, I imagine that structure isn’t necessarily your strong suit at this phase in life. (And I say that in the kindest, most understanding “been there done that” kind of way I know how.)

There is probably a lot of playful, easy-going fun in your home. I’m sure it feels like a wonderful place to be, but structure, organization, and routine are all things that might be “works in progress” at this point.

All of that said, with goals, I can think of a couple of things that might help.

Please know that it is VERY common for people with a White personality style to get overwhelmed, and that you’re not alone.

I think my main suggestion would be to just pick one main thing that you want to work on and “park” the others. Whites love to daydream and get caught up in new ideas. The creativity is amazing, but it can distract you from accomplishing the goals you have already committed to. It can also rob you of productivity. Producing lots of new ideas can also lead to overwhelm.

You can park ideas that you want to get to later by writing them down so you don’t forget them. Come back and read through that list from time to time to keep yourself excited for what you might be ready to take on next once your current goal is achieved.

As a White, I imagine you are probably a patient person. You also mentioned your “bonus” skill of enjoying accountability. I think those two traits can work together really well in helping you accomplish lots of things one goal at a time — even while being pulled in different directions by life (and kids)!

Very best of living,

Jeremy Daniel

Training Director

Color Code

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Jeremy Daniel (Core Color: Yellow) has been working with the Color Code since 1998 in various capacities from training in the field personally with Dr. Taylor Hartman to designing customized corporate solutions and new training programs for various industries. To ask about Jeremy’s training or speaking services, please email and inquiry to jeremy@colorcodetraining.com.

Applying the Color Code in my Life Coaching Practice

You might have heard the saying, “The best tools are the ones that get used.” This is how I feel about the Color Code.

In my corporate career, I was exposed to the benefits of five different personality assessments. I loved each of them for their unique insights into my behaviors; however, after some time would go by, I would forget what I learned and fall back into autopilot mode. I would relate to others based upon my instincts and experience. This was the case for 30 years until I learned about the Color Code.

I was first introduced to “The Character Code,” Dr. Taylor Hartman’s sequel to “The Color Code,” in my transformational coaching certification course. The Character Code is intended as a guide to cultivate a full and balanced character by leveraging the strengths of all four colors. As I and the class learned the foundation of the Color Code’s four driving core motives, one thing I noted right away was that Color Code was so easy to use. I immediately began quick coding (a way of detecting a person’s potential driving core motive) all my friends and family members to discern their primary driving core motives. I was able to see within days how I could change my communication styles to relate more effectively. To me, Color Code was great, life-changing stuff. I was so impressed, I decided to apply it as step one of the client engagements in my coaching practice. So, in 2017, I became certified as a Color Code Independent Trainer right after graduating with my transformational coaching certificate.

Applying Color Code to my coaching practice

My coaching practice is unique in that I utilize metacognitive drawing to assist the client in gaining personal insights. My clients are provided paper, markers, watercolors, crayons, colored pencils and more, along with a process of inquiry, to begin sussing out thoughts, feelings, and emotions that are below the surface. This can be intensely vulnerable work, so I like to begin every coach-to-client partnership with basic creative exercises, utilizing the client’s Color Code personality assessment results. The Color Code’s four colors are a perfect way to creatively segue a client from being stuck in their thinking patterns into noticing and sensing. Plus, it is an effective way for me as the coach to “swim in the same water as my client” as I like to put it. This is my metaphor for releasing myself from my innate desire to problem solve for my client. By getting to know the client’s primary and secondary driving core motives (natural tendencies), I am better able to check my own natural tendencies at the door.

You see, I am a Color Code White and secondary Yellow, which means I can get really excited about offering creative, inventive ideas for my client to consider. You might be thinking, “That is great!” Well … not so much. Coaching is not a practice of advice giving, it is about helping people navigate what is presently occurring internally and externally for them, assisting them to notice patterns, offering perspectives to look at, uncovering possible blind spots, and providing new tools for them to discover who they are and what’s right for them so that they can design the life they want. Life Coaches are simply guides.

Imagine if I advised a client with a Red personality to take five days to list out, consider, and weigh all the facts before confronting a person or situation. This is the way me, a contemplative, peacekeeping White with strong Blue tendencies regarding detailed list-making would tackle the problem. How likely is that advice going to be used by a Red, whose tendencies are to avoid routine and boredom and who desires fresh, innovative, and immediate solutions? Not likely. Knowing a client’s driving core motive allows me to guide a client through a process of defining a tool that not only works for them but will continue to be used beyond our client-coach partnership, because it is a custom fit tool for them.

The impact Color Code has on my coaching clients

Once I introduce the Color Code to my clients, they inevitably begin to verbalize eye-openers about challenges they have experienced with colleagues and family members. They often feel relieved and say something like, “Oh, it’s just how they are wired” or “No wonder me and that person butt heads.”

I witness the facial expressions of many clients transform from stress-ridden frustration from trying to cope with “difficult people situations” to ones of relaxed understanding of exactly how they will move forward with changing the way they interact with others. For example:

A Color Code Blue Mom realizing grounding her Color Code White son to his room, after repeatedly staying out past curfew, was not an effective discipline method. Whites often find being alone in their room is a great place.
A Color Code Red business leader, frustrated that the work amongst the team seemed to be taking too long, began to realize the team is made up of predominantly Blue and Yellow personalities. Which meant they needed time to get to know one another through fun, connective conversations and team building exercises before jumping into logical problem-solving.
I have had a few clients who tear up with gratitude with the realization that they have been fighting their natural tendencies in a relationship or chosen career path/position. Relaying to me how they feel like they have newfound permission to let go of an unpleasant situation and to pursue changes that are right for them vs. trying so hard to bend against what is natural.

Applying the Color Code into my coaching practice has given me and my clients a tremendous advantage. I have been able to apply perspectives of each color with nearly every new coaching tool I learn. This enables me to be more effective in relating to my clients and in guiding my clients to greater self-awareness, acceptance of self, others, and situations, and increase my and their capacity to recover quickly from difficulties. I am forever an advocate of the Color Code, because it is easy, and it works.

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Kami Pollvogt is a Certified Color Code Trainer and Transformational Life Coach. She is the founder of Change by Design – a creative personal and professional development company that seeks to teach others how to design their life with a greater awareness of self, purpose, and intention. She frequently partners with coaches in the Phoenix metropolitan area to bring Color Code and Intentional Creativity® to personal and professional development workshops.

How to Properly Appreciate a Blue

I come from a line of Blue women. My maternal grandmother was a Blue. My mom is a Blue. I am a Blue. And if I could give any advice to those who know, live with or love a Blue, it is that Blues need to be appreciated. I remember my mom making each of us kids either call my grandma or write her a formal Thank You card every time she gave us a present. Yes, it seems like an obvious thing to do as an adult, but I always felt so silly and a little embarrassed calling her and having what seemed like a serious conversation to 8-year-old me. But my Blue mom knew that HER Blue mom needed to hear that “Thank you.”

As a Blue myself, it comes naturally to me to remember people on their birthdays, reach out to friends who are going through a tough time and do special things for my family. And I do these things out of love — but when friends or family members who have a different personality type than me (thus, different strengths) neglect to do these things for me, I start to get a little pouty. As I’ve gotten older, I have realized that not everybody shows their love in the same way, nor do they even know what might offend me, so I have learned to let a lot of things go. However, if you want the secret for really wowing a Blue and helping them feel loved, here are three ways you can help them feel appreciated.

Simply Reach Out to Them

Since Blues are motivated by intimacy, they are typically the ones who are going to reach out to others to get together and catch up or gather for a holiday party. Relationships really matter to them, so it’s common for them to take the initiative on making weekend plans with loved ones. However, just because this comes naturally to them, doesn’t mean they always want to be the one who organizes every social gathering. They also LOVE when others reach out to them to get together. They even appreciate a simple text message that asks them how THEY are doing. So if you don’t have time to grab lunch with your Blue friend this week, even a simple text message to touch base will go a long way.

Notice the Nice Things They Do

Blues are so giving, sometimes we get so used to their service that we take advantage of it and forget to give sincere gratitude, or even notice the small things they do. If you have a Blue in your life, never hesitate to thank them for their acts of kindness. They don’t need you to return their favors all the time or go out of your way to perform a grand gesture for them…all they need is recognition and gratitude. Of course, acts of kindness on your part once in a while are never going to be a bad idea.

Give Them Something Meaningful

I know I just said a simple “thank you” is enough for a Blue most of the time, but when you do want to do something more for them, or if you’re gifting them something for their birthday or a holiday, make it something meaningful. Remembering their favorite flowers and dropping a bouquet off for them on a bad day will send their heart soaring far more than a Starbucks gift card. After all, they appreciate beauty more than the other personalities do. Blues are passionate people, so chances are it won’t be hard to think of something you know they love. Just make sure to execute those nice thoughts you have.

Having these three simple things in your arsenal of knowledge will go a long way in your relationship with a Blue. After all, as the Blues like to say, “life is all about relationships.”

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Megan Christensen is a Blue who has been writing her feelings for as long as she can remember. Megan graduated from BYU-Idaho in 2014 with a degree in communication. A lifelong fan of the Color Code, she’s thrilled to be the content editor of the blog and hopes to help as many people as possible become more self-aware. When she’s not writing, Megan can be found reading, doing yoga, and spending as much time as she can outdoors.

Color Code and Crucial Conversations

Recently, I have been re-reading the business bestseller, “Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes are High” by Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Ron McMillan, and Al Switzler. Crucial conversations are defined as a dialogue where “opinions vary, stakes are high and emotions run strong.” A principle premise of the book is that people well-skilled in language start to plan the conversation “in the heart.” “Start with the heart” is actually the second step of the seven-step process. This refers to the questions you ask yourself when planning a crucial conversation. With over 4 million copies sold, these writers certainly know what they are talking about!

As an executive coach who uses the Color Code personality assessment in my practice, I want to challenge this premise. After training nearly 300 leaders in the science of the Color Code and the philosophy of the four driving core motives, I don’t think one just starts with the heart. I suggest we start with the leader’s language, which is either the head OR the heart. When planning my crucial conversations, I would start with a simple question: “Is this person a heart-first person or a head-first person?”

This is where the concepts of the Color Code come into play. See, people are flexible, and they learn to adapt to your style. So, if you are speaking with a Red, and you lead with your feelings, they will adapt, but you run the risk of either losing them or having them expend so much energy that they will avoid you every time you ask to speak with them. On the contrary, let’s say that your dialogue partner is a Blue personality, and you begin the conversation by rattling off a list of facts and figures. Would that be the most effective way to influence that Blue to your opinion?

In Color Code language, a “heart-first person” is a Blue or a Yellow, focused more on emotion. A “head-first person” is either Red or White, focused more on logic. And in pursuit of a goal, there is “head-first language” like pounds and inches (measurables) and “heart-first language” like “feel good about myself ” or “a new outlook on life” (feelings). Very simply put, if you are planning a crucial conversation with someone (and you don’t know their Color Code), then why not speak their language first? That’s why the first question should be, “Is this person a ‘head-first person’ or a ‘heart-first person?’”

Now, you may be saying, “Darren, is it really that simple? I mean, can people be simplified into just two categories? You already reduce people to four colors of Red, Blue, White, or Yellow.” But I want to challenge you to think of this tactic with the skills of a bouncer in mind. When a bouncer works a club and a fight breaks out, he does not try any fancy new moves. In a fight for his life, he really depends on a couple of his best, basic moves. Before your next crucial conversation, I challenge you to ask yourself, “Is this person a ‘head-first person’ or a ‘heart first-person?’” If they are a “head first-person” then start with a fact or some logic, but if they are “a heart first-person,” then talk about your emotions or feelings. Let’s call this “the conversation bouncer move.” Please see the chart below as a reference, and here’s to great success in your next crucial conversation where opinions vary, stakes are high and emotions run strong!

Is this person a head-first person or a heart-first person?

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DC Lyons and his wife, Elaine, are the owners of Korrior, Inc. He is a licensed Color Code Trainer and John Maxwell Certified Trainer/Coach/Speaker. He trains Color Code webinars and uses the Color Code as a tool to help his leadership clients learn their strengths and opportunities, wants, and needs. He is also a bilateral below-knee amputee, who has lost over 265 pounds. His next book, “With Worn Out Tools: Navigating the Rituals of Midlife” will be released later this year.

Say Aloha to a White Personality’s Paradise: Hawaii

I recently read that although the United States as a whole has a Blue personality culture, Hawaii’s culture is White. Having a strong White secondary myself, I was interested to observe this when I took my first trip to the Aloha State a few weeks ago. After anticipating this trip for many years, I wasn’t surprised to learn how much I loved the paradisiacal beaches and lush jungles of Kauai. But what did surprise me was how quickly I felt like I fit into the peaceful and kind culture of the Island. It was evident even at the airport that this was definitely a White personality culture!

It’s no secret that our world isn’t exactly peaceful right now. Between divisive opinions about the COVID-19 vaccine, the tragedies in Afghanistan, and everyone and their dog’s political opinions, the White in me has been yearning to escape the conflict and live in ignorant bliss for a while. Aside from the obvious relaxing aspects of Hawaii, I was elated to feel the peace being among the Hawaiian people brought me!

It turns out, the Hawaii-specific brand of peace has a name: The Aloha Spirit. According to hawaii.edu, ”‘Aloha’ is more than a word of greeting or farewell or a salutation. ‘Aloha’ means mutual regard and affection and extends warmth in caring with no obligation in return. ‘Aloha’ is the essence of relationships in which each person is important to every other person for collective existence. ‘Aloha’ means to hear what is not said, to see what cannot be seen and to know the unknowable.”

Does that not totally sound like the White personality strengths of being caring, accepting and nonjudgmental?? From the slower speeds on the roads to the laid back attitude of airport security and the willingness the Hawaiians we met were to share their culture with us, I acutely felt that Aloha Spirit while there and longed to bring it back to the mainland with me. So, in a world full of the more dominant and flashy Reds, Blues and Yellows, I thought I’d share a few tips of how we can learn from the Whites and bring the Aloha Spirit wherever we are.

Tip No. 1 – Slow Down

While on the Island, I learned that before making contact with the Western World, ancient Hawaiians had no way of tracking days, months or seasons apart from charting the stars. Rather than relying on clocks and calendars, smartphones and schedules, they relied upon nature. And although modern-day Islanders do have more resources for time, the vibe I got from Kauai was that mother nature still rules the day. Like I mentioned earlier, people even drive slower. I saw a sign in a gift shop that said, “Don’t worry…you’re on beach time.” We know the White personality doesn’t like to be rushed into making decisions and they move at a slower pace in some ways than the other personality colors. Maybe this seems lazy to some, but I think Whites can teach us that we don’t always have to hurry in life. Maybe the point isn’t to meet deadline after deadline but to make regular stops along the way to marvel at the massivity of the ocean or the vibrant color of a tropical fish.

Tip. No. 2 – Similarities Before Differences

I read something once about a group of moms who were arguing over various parenting opinions they had, such as bottle feeding vs breastfeeding, public school vs homeschool, etc. They were in a heated argument when suddenly one of the mom’s strollers began to roll down the hill they were standing on with the baby inside. At that moment, every mom in the group, despite their differences, rushed to save the falling baby. The point was that even though all those moms had different opinions about parenting, they all loved their own kids and each other’s kids and they had each other’s backs when it came to the most important thing. While I was in Hawaii, I never learned the social or political opinions of the other people around me. But I learned how to safely navigate hikes and which wild mangoes were safe to eat. I learned which restaurants were the best to go to, which beaches were too dangerous to swim in and where to avoid 15-foot sharks. Whether we were talking to other tourists or locals, we all wanted each other to have the optimal Hawaiian experience. White personalities are good at seeing the bigger picture, and they prioritize peace over fighting over issues that will never be more important than the relationship.

Tip No. 3 Mahalo

If I have the choice between McDonalds and Chick-Fil-A, I’m going to choose Chick-Fil-A every time. Not only do I prefer their food, but their service is impeccable. One of my favorite Chick-Fil-A-isms is that whenever you say, “Thank you,” the employees respond, “My pleasure.” Even if it is just a part of their training to respond that way, that phrase makes me feel like they are actually happy to serve me, which in turn makes me want to treat them with kindness. While in Hawaii, I was quickly made aware how much the term “mahalo” is used. Mahalo means “thank you,” but like Aloha, it seems to have more kindness behind it. Just seeing the word makes me feel more appreciated than a simple “thank you.” Like Aloha and Mahalo, White personalities just have a kindness about them that leaves interactions more peaceful. When I think about the interactions I’ve had with some of the Whites in my life, we don’t even need to have had a great conversation for me to feel uplifted. Simply being around them makes me feel at ease and just overall happier with who I am. It’s truly a gift they have. I think that simply by observing this characteristic in Whites, we can learn to emulate it more and spread more peace in our communities. Hawaii is definitely filled with that peace!

Well, there you have it! Three tips to help us develop some of the strengths of the White personality/the Hawaiian people! If reading this article didn’t help, maybe you should try going to the Island yourself ;). Mahalo and Aloha!

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POWER STRUGGLE: The Red/Red Relationship

Color Code describes the Red/Red relationship as ‘fireworks,’ and for good reason. A Red/Red relationship can be powerful, productive, and satisfying in business or your personal life. But it can also be problematic—full of animosity and angst.

Reds are natural leaders. They are decisive, assertive, and excellent at delegating. They also have the natural limitations of being bossy, argumentative, and demanding—times two. When there are two Reds in a relationship and both need to be the boss, neither wants to be told what to do.

Recipe for disaster?

Yes and no.

There is a lot of power behind this highly motivated duo. Reds are all about getting from point A to point B and will do everything they can to get there. If they can agree on precisely what point B is, there is no stopping this dynamic team. They are both determined and responsible and can easily accomplish their goals.

Unfortunately, because both are controlling, one might get push back from the other about ‘who’s the boss.’ If unchecked, the natural limitations of a Red can destroy this relationship. The good news is the natural strengths can make it strong.

To achieve a successful relationship, both Reds must:

Learn anger management. A Red’s anger can be like a volcano. It erupts and then subsides, not knowing or caring about the havoc it has wreaked in its wake. Reds don’t hold a grudge, and they will quickly get over whatever has caused the eruption. If they can learn to keep their anger in check, they will soon be able to speak of the issue logically.
Think before they speak. Often, Reds blurt out what is on their minds. Their sarcastic comments can spark ire in their partner, causing a rift that strains the relationship. They must never embarrass each other in public. They need to think before they speak. Learning a bit of diplomacy and empathy will go a long way.
Admit when they are wrong. Reds can be naturally arrogant and believe they are right—always. When there are two Reds who believe this, there can be no détente. When they disagree, they need to face the fact that they can’t both always be right and admit when they are wrong.
Avoid the struggle for dominance. Reds are naturally controlling. They want it their way or the highway. When the struggle begins, it’s time for a conversation before resentment escalates. Learn to listen and act objectively.
Show respect. Reds need to be respected more than they need to be liked. In a Red/Red relationship, mutual respect is vital.

None of these suggestions will come naturally. It’s difficult to overcome limitations and will require a lot of conscious effort. A positive plan of action would be if each Red communicates which limitation affects the relationship most and starts from there. When we see ourselves through the eyes of others, it helps us become more aware of the effect our behaviors have on our relationships.

If both Reds can set aside egos and view this relationship as a challenging adventure—determined to make it work—they will both experience one of the most powerful and successful relationships in the Color Code palette.

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Teresa Glenn has been working with the Color Code since 2006, where her main focus is product development. She has been in the publishing and product development field for over 20 years. Teresa is a core Red with a strong Yellow secondary.