Book Review: Playing Life to Win by Taylor Hartman

As a Transformational & Intentional Creativity Life Coach, I am a fan of self-help books.  Many are full of very insightful perspectives and insights that have shifted my thinking, and some have truly been a catalyst for significant healing in my life. And I’m not alone. It’s estimated that the self-help industry will reach $14 billion by 2025.  Despite my being a fan of self-help books, there is one thing that gnaws at me about many of them. Many of them overlook that we’re not all the same. They give cookie-cutter solutions versus giving tools or recommendations based on understanding who we are as individuals (i.e., what’s good for the goose is NOT always good for the gander). One book that I feel breaks this pattern is Dr. Taylor Hartman’s Playing Life to Win – A Game Plan for Self-Development (a wonderful companion to the book The People Code: It’s All About Your Innate Motive). Playing Life to Win is a personal development workbook that leverages the game of baseball as a metaphor for the game of life. It’s an easy read and an outstanding tool for personal self-development. 

4 reasons I like and recommend the book Playing Life to Win:

  1. Its underlying theme is living life with greater intention. You can either be a spectator of the game, be a passive player of the game (I call this autopilot), or strategically play to win (I call it living intentionally). 

For example: Joe (a Color Code Yellow motivated by fun) has intentions to get fit in 2022, but so far, his behavior continues to be unhealthy eating. He is a couch potato five out of the seven days of the week.  He’s not living intentionally – or playing to win. 

  1. The strategies for playing the game of life are customized by you (the reader) with your Color Code Driving Core Motive in mind and includes chapter inquiries and exercises.

For example: Joe’s reason for not living intentionally probably has to do with him following a fitness program that doesn’t align with his Driving Core Motive of fun. When Joe realizes he is driven by fun, he can define physical activity that is fun and feeds his need for socialization. A Color Code White personality would prefer to workout alone and go at their own pace. 

  1. It’s a reminder that the game of life is not a solo proposition. The book asks, “Who is in your dug-out?” The translation: Are you surrounding yourself with people you trust and will provide candor on how you’re playing the game? I often share the Einstein quote, “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.” We all tend to approach life and our problems with the same thinking and behavior. Unfortunately, that certain way of thinking and behavior is often at the root of recurring problems. Until we change our thinking and behavior, we will continue to repeat it. Having trusted “tell it like it is” friends can give you direct observation of your thinking and behavior patterns that are getting in the way of you achieving the goals you have and ultimately living the life you want to live. 

For Example: Joe has tried to lose weight several times and failed, but this time he has a buddy, Chris (a Color Code Blue personality) who has observed Joe’s fitness ups and downs and will give Joe grounded insights by being sensitive to Joe’s feelings (tough love).

  1. The numerous wake-up calls — this book hits hard on truth and responsibility. Two phrases he uses that jumped out for me are, “How honestly you align with truth determines whether or not you’ll get to second base (Dr. Hartman calls second base, “Getting Over Yourself”). And, “You are the reason life does/does not work.”

For Example: Joe’s previous attempts at weight loss: he blamed the personal trainer and another time he just could not find the time needed to make a difference. Yes, he could have very well had a bad personal trainer, but that’s not the complete truth, is it?  Joe used that as an excuse to stop working out. He gave up versus taking responsibility. He could have found another personal trainer or a different solution. Joe’s choices are the reason he’s not achieving his fitness and weight loss goals.

If you’ve already immersed yourself in The People Code and know your Driving Core Motive, strengths and limitations, wants and needs, and are looking to go deeper into your exploration of self-awareness, this book is perfect for you.    

Remember, “A goal without a plan is just a wish.” – Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

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Kami Pollvogt is a Certified Color Code Trainer and Transformational Life Coach. She is the founder of Change by Design – a creative personal and professional development company that seeks to teach others how to design their life with a greater awareness of self, purpose, and intention. She frequently partners with coaches in the Phoenix metropolitan area to bring Color Code and Intentional Creativity® to personal and professional development workshops.

Personality Colors and Dealing with Change

Many organizations have restructured at some point in their history.  Some do it regularly.  Where I work, it was never done, which made this series of events I’m about to tell you about even more impactful.  Our Color Code make up greatly affects how we deal with change.  Let’s go back to February 2020.  Do you remember what it was like back then?  The world had not yet been flipped upside down by Covid.  No lockdowns, no working from home, no constant state of change.

I was working in a team of eight people, with several contract employees and the rest seasoned training professionals. Our corporate director met with us about some changes that were coming soon. He passed out some PowerPoint slides of what our department looked like currently and what the prospective department would look like after….reorganization.

Did you read that word in a deep, evil voice?  That’s the way I heard it when he said it. I looked at his slides showing the structure of our department now and the future structure. I noticed very quickly that my job was not listed on the new structure. I’m not sure I heard his next words, because there was a strange buzzing in my head.  All I could think was, “You will not cry in front of these people!”  I repeated it to myself over and over as he spoke.  As a Blue, I knew I needed to shut off my emotions and think about the facts, be logical.  

My White personality coworker said nothing in the meeting.  He said nothing after the meeting. He retired early before he could be let go. 

The strong Blues in the group (we had several) took it different ways. One freaked out. It was all she could talk about. “What’s going to happen?” “What are we going to do?” “Have you heard anything new?” “This is horrible!”  She couldn’t sleep.  Her work performance suffered.  She thought it was horrible that she had a place in the new department and I didn’t. It wasn’t right. It wasn’t fair. She thought she didn’t deserve to be there if I didn’t. She ultimately found a new job before any of the reorganization happened. Did she do that to free up a spot for me?

Our other Blue pulled inward and concentrated on the routines and the things she could count on, her daily tasks. She didn’t engage in the water cooler rumor mill. She assumed everything was going along as planned and nothing else needed to be mentioned. She had a spot on the new org chart.  

My secondary Red took over very quickly. I wasn’t going down without some further discussion. I met privately with the director. I asked how I could fit in somewhere else.  Were there any other opportunities for me? Turned out that, yes, there were. It was in the works, but he couldn’t talk about it right now, so I had to trust in him and wait. That was nice, but I started thinking of every possible scenario I could. I could get a different job. I applied for five jobs within the company that year. I could do independent consulting and training. I could do something completely different! Maybe this was the push I needed to try something new?

My manager, who was a strong White, did nothing. She had no place on the new org chart and just kept saying, “I don’t know what I’m going to do, but something will come along.” She didn’t think of other scenarios. She didn’t update her resume. She continued on like nothing was changing. She was ultimately let go.

Our Yellow team member tried to lighten our moods. She said things like, “Come on! It’ll never happen. It’s all talk. We are a great department. They don’t want to ruin that!”  She didn’t have a spot on the new organizational chart either. She said, “Looks like I need to update my resume!” with a laugh and a smile. “I’m going to want to practice some interview questions.” She had sympathy for us Blues, but she pivoted effortlessly.  

Ultimately, our department was split, with only the manager losing her job. It left us all a little scarred, though.  My loyalty was rewarded with a new opportunity working in Organizational Development.  My Yellow co-worker slid into a new spot as well.   

Each color personality has a go-to way of dealing with change. We may need to challenge ourselves or others to stretch outside of our normal thought processes.

Red personalities will usually be the first to adopt change as their focus is always the future. Reds, don’t expect everyone to be where you are. Communicate ideas in small, digestible chunks with time in between for others to process and adopt.  

Blue personalities hate when their comfortable routine is upset.  Try to see that there is a possibility of a new and improved routine after this crazy time of change.  

White personalities can use their creative minds to think of possible scenarios and mentally prepare themselves. Take baby steps. It’s ok to ignore the change for a short time, but do not stay stuck there. The change will happen, whether you are ready or not.  

Yellow personalities: remember that humor can seem shallow and disrespectful to other color personalities.  Use it sparingly.  Draw on your collaboration talents to get those around you talking. 

Communication is key.  Sometimes it is venting, sometimes productive brainstorming.  Talking to others helps alleviate any worries or assumptions that you create individually.  Each of the colors needs to communicate to be able to process the change in a positive way that moves everyone forward.

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Mary Frances Mika is a Blue who has been facilitating Color Code classes for years. She has a degree in Psychology and has PHR, SHRM-CP, and CPTD certifications.  When she’s not training, Mary Frances connects with her White secondary self by gardening, bird watching, and reading.  She loves to see the impact the Color Code has on her participants.

How to Help Teens Find Motivation

Is having motivation important for success? I am of the opinion that finding motivation when it is lacking is essential for success in all areas of life. In this article, I’ll share my number one tip for teens finding motivation by using their DCM (Driving Core Motive), and how I used it with my son and his experience playing on the varsity basketball team. 

As a teen life coach, I work with young and impressionable minds, and many of them lack motivation. When a parent calls or reaches out to me on social media about their teenager lacking motivation, I immediately send them to a Color Code personality assessment. Lacking motivation is usually not the cause of the problem, but a symptom of a lack of clarity, and the Color Code helps to clarify.

Dr. Hartman’s Color Code assessment is designed to provide self-awareness in four primary colors: Red, Blue, Yellow, and White. Providing self-awareness leads to understanding, which resolves many problems by allowing the teen to change their behavior.  This is the tool I utilize to uncover a teen’s Driving Core Motive. In a Red personality, the Driving Core Motive is “power.” Having power is what motivates them to get out of bed in the morning. Reds are the people who love leadership, making extra money through a side hustle, becoming Student Body President, etc. Yellow personalities are motivated by fun. Whites are motivated by peace, and Blues are motivated by intimacy (meaning personal relationships with others). Once I explain to the teen their DCM and how everyone has a personality color and is born with it, I can immediately see light bulbs begin going off in their minds. 

The Color Code then makes finding motivation easy. When you know and understand your DCM, and also what your personality limitations are, finding motivation breaks down to a simple question: “Would you like to add to your strengths or develop an area of limitation?” 

For example, suppose a teen I’m coaching is struggling with making friends, and his Color Code personality type is Red. In that case, I can explain that his DCM may indicate outgoing behavior, making it easy to reach people, but that his Red limitations sometimes inhibit connecting with others, because he might be perceived as arrogant, aggressive, and a know-it-all. 

Once he understands that, we can dive into the Color Code assessment’s 40-page report detailing personality needs, wants, plus a ton more useful personal insights that are incredibly beneficial for anyone’s personal growth. 

So what is the DCM? A person’s DCM is specific to their natural/innate strengths and limitations, not what they learn from the environment or programming. Of course, our environment can play a role in our behavior, but our DCM is born with us and makes us the unique and unforgettable individuals we are. 

Here is a quick story to clarify and showcase the impact of knowing your primary personality color on your motivation and life. 

My son is a Blue personality type and is very hard on himself. He usually feels that other teens and athletes are better than he is. This isn’t true, but it’s how he sees the world. After completing his assessment, we reviewed his personalized report and debriefed and uncovered some of his limitations. Armed with this information, we began shifting his belief about himself as an athlete and focusing on his team-player strengths. 

One strength for Blues is that they value relationships. My son stopped focusing on his lack of playing time and started honing in on the connections and relationships he had built with his teammates.  Blue personality types are intimacy-driven, and my son thrives on connecting and developing quality friendships.

He now enjoys every experience he has participated in and knows his value to the team. 

He then began to get more motivated to practice harder. He pushed his teammates more and became present to help them out and support them, and his coaches noticed this shift in his attitude. 

Fast-forward to my son’s senior year. He is now on one of the best teams in the state. He loves the team and the experience and has a new and positive look on his high school basketball career. 

My son didn’t lack the motivation to be the best player, but he didn’t know what stimulus would create his motivation to work harder and push himself. Understanding his DCM helped him uncover his motivation. 

Teens are experiencing tremendous pressure today, and having a resource that can assist them through the craziness is very beneficial. 

Once a teenager has completed the assessment and reviewed the personalized report, I use the following strategy: 

The 90/10 Rule: 

Invest 90% on your strengths; 10% on your limitations.

For example, my son doesn’t like lifting weights, but weight training helps with his sport. So understanding the 90/10 rule, my son invests 10% of his improvement time toward weight training and 90% toward developing his game in the areas of his strengths. Motivating him is then easy, because I don’t ask him to spend much time on his limitations. I point him in the direction of his strengths. 

The way you shift from being unmotivated is you find strengths or areas that you see are easy for you and invest 90% of your time on that. 

Some expert coaches promote working on your weaknesses, but I don’t agree. If we are forced to spend too much time doing something we don’t like and not using our DCM, it is easy to get unmotivated and bored. 

The 90/10 rule works for my clients, and I know it will help you develop motivation and focus because you no longer will be wasting time in areas that don’t feed your DCM. 

I hope this article has provided you with some newfound insights and a resource to help you become motivated and more self-aware. 

Famous tennis player Billie Jean King said, “I think self-awareness is probably the most important thing towards being a champion.”

Self-awareness is one of the most valuable traits a person can develop to become confident and motivated.

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Rahz “The Motivator” Slaughter is a motivational speaker who has spent years helping children and teens improve their mindsets and take charge of their lives. Born with a disability and raised by a single mother who suffered from addiction, Rahz has been labeled countless times and told that he had limitations and that there would be things that he could not do, be, or achieve. Despite these messages, Rahz was born with a growth mindset and set out to create a life of his doing and not what others expected of him.  Today, Rahz Slaughter is a motivational speaker, 3X author, and successful business owner. He is also an athlete, personal trainer, nutritionist, and teen life coach. As a Color Code Interpersonal Skills Trainer and NLP practitioner, Rahz has tools to help people overcome their limits and reach their full potential. Learn more about Rahz at http://www.RahzSlaughter.com.

Maintaining Personal Peace in a Turbulent World

I saw a meme the other day that made me laugh and also rang pretty true. It said, “Nobody claim 2022 as ‘your year.’ We’re all going to walk in real slow. Be good. Be quiet. Be cautious and respectful. Don’t touch anything.” Doesn’t that just sound like wisdom from a White personality? It’s safe to say the pandemic has been a nightmare for all of us in one way or another. The Blues desperately missed building deep, in-person connections with loved ones. Yellows missed all the parties and sociability.  Reds, who were used to living in a fast-paced world, had to learn how to slow down a little. For the Whites, one of the nightmares of the pandemic is still in full force: Divisiveness. 

If we learned anything from the pandemic, it’s that people have opinions. A lot of them. Should we get vaccinated? Should there be a mask mandate? Should President Trump be impeached? Should I stock up on toilet paper? And on. And on. And on. For a personality who is primarily motivated by peace, getting caught up in controversial conversations is a nightmare. And Whites, who have the gift of clarity and seeing both sides of an issue, may find themselves struggling to form an opinion that is black-or-white. They could be in a conversation with an anti-vaxxer, nodding their head and appreciating their points and perspective, then an hour later hear themselves agreeing with somebody about the importance of vaccines for everyone. It’s not that they are puppets on a string, it’s that they’re really good at hearing people out and empathizing and they just want everyone to get along. 

If you’re a White, you may have some trepidation about this new year and the unsteadiness it could bring. But I’m here to put your heart at ease. Even if you can’t control having peace on earth, you can have some say over your personal peace. If that’s something you are seeking, keep reading to learn three ways you can develop personal peace over the coming year (whether you’re a White personality or not).

1. Carve out time each day for a “peace hour.”

You might have heard of people who engage in a daily “power hour.” They devote one hour to productivity or activities that will set them up for a great day. But what if we engaged in a peace hour? Think about what brings you peace. Maybe it is being productive and getting things done. Perhaps it’s exercising or reading or a spiritual ritual. Maybe it’s a long bath, organizing your closet, or playing the piano. Whatever it is, make time for it every day. Set your alarm to get up before your kids if that’s what it takes and what feels peaceful to you. Or spend your last hour before bed winding down in this way. If you spend time peacefully each day – in a way that feels personally healing for you – it will build an inner strength that will lend itself to spreading peace to others.

2. Breathe Work

“Meditation” is such a buzzword right now, and even though its idea sounds nice, it can be hard to remember to do and to implement. Just the other day, my friend told me her brain was way too noisy to be able to turn off and meditate. Spoiler alert: All of our brains are too noisy to turn off. Meditation isn’t necessarily about turning off our brains – that would basically mean we were dead. It’s about focusing on our breath and directing our thoughts back to it when they inevitably wander. Suppose you don’t feel like you can immediately dive into a meditation practice filled with correct posture, humming the sound “aum” or focusing on your breath for a certain amount of time. In that case, I’m here to teach you a few simple breathing practices that can help you calm down within minutes.

-Complete Breath: While sitting up straight or lying down, begin to fill your chest completely up with air. When you feel like there’s no more room for air, send the air into your stomach, creating a “Buddha belly.” Hold your breath for one second before releasing everything, starting with the air in your stomach and ending with the air in your chest. Repeat as many times as needed.

– Ujjayi Breath: Beginners to this type of breathing may find it helpful to touch the tip of their tongue to the roof of their mouth. Once you’ve done this, take a deep breath in, breathing in and out through the back of your throat as if you are fogging up a mirror. Go ahead and make some noise with this breath. The louder, the better.

-Alternating Nostril Breath: Using your dominant hand, utilize the pinky finger and the thumb to take turns plugging each nostril. When one side is plugged, take a deep breath in the other side. Hold the breath for a second, release and switch the plugged nostril and breathe out the other side. Breathe in on the same side you just exhaled, then switch and repeat. 

3. Hold a Burn Ceremony

You are in for a treat if you’ve never participated in a burn ceremony before. What could be more satisfying for a White than to literally burn things that don’t bring them peace? Ok, so maybe you’re not going to burn actual objects, but rather unpeaceable concepts. Here’s what you do: Take a piece of paper and draw a line halfway down. On the top half of the paper, write down the things that make you feel stressed or sad, or unsettled. On the bottom half, write down all the things that make you happy. Then, tear it in half when you’ve filled the paper, keeping the positive half and throwing the negative part into the fire. Watch it burn, baby! And as it burns, express inner gratitude for all the peaceful things you’ve kept. 

 

After trying these three simple ideas, we hope you are in for a very peaceful and happy new year! What practices do you currently do to bring peace into your life? Let us know in the comments below.

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Megan Christensen is a White personality who has loved writing for as long as she can remember. Megan graduated from BYU-Idaho in 2014 with a degree in communication. A lifelong fan of the Color Code, she’s thrilled to be the content editor of the blog and hopes to help as many people as possible become more self-aware. When she’s not writing, Megan can be found reading, doing yoga, and spending as much time as she can outdoors.

Color Code for College Students: Can it help you pick your major?

Can Color Code help an aspiring college student find the “best-fit” major?

The short answer—YES.  

The more complicated answer—it will help, but it will not tell you exactly what to study.

So… How can it help?  

There is an important concept in interviewing and hiring the best person for a job; it’s called motivational fit. The idea of motivational fit is that the best-fit candidate will have a natural motivation to do the type of work required for a job.

A common question to determine motivational fit is, “Tell me about your ideal workday.” 

The candidate might respond: 

“I’d like to have flexibility to work remotely from home, or in the office.  I like to focus and work hard without interruption; I can produce high-quality work at high volumes that way. I like analyzing information to find useful insights. I feel that I’m really good at that, and I feel like finding the insights is a rewarding challenge. I find it really enjoyable. Send me the spreadsheets all day!!! I also like to get up and take walks by myself between projects to get refreshed, so I’d like to not be bound by a rigid schedule; I don’t mind having a heavy workload, I just want flexibility in managing that workload.”

This candidate, likely a White type, might be a good motivational fit for a data-analyst in a software sales company who identifies profit margin strengths and weaknesses and writes reports about them. But they might be a poor motivational fit for an accounting business partner, who has to respond to business leaders across the organization to help them manage their budgets; a Red-type might be a better motivational fit for this.

This same idea of motivational fit can be applied to a person in college trying to determine their major.

As a college student, you have the opportunity to talk with advisors in each department when trying to pick your major. Have some solid “motivational-fit questions” ready to ask. Your questions should get at the things that matter to your Core Motive—typical work style, amount of collaboration, exposure to risk in various forms, level and type of pressure, work environment factors such as interruptions, customer exposure, predictability… 

Here’s a list to get you going:

  • What does a _______ do in a typical day of work?
  • What does the life of a _________ look like? 
  • Describe the habits and attributes of someone who would be successful in this area of study or work.
  • Describe the types of attributes that wouldn’t fit well with this area of study or work.
  • Think of someone who was naturally successful in this area of study/work. What would you say helped them be so successful?
  • What type of personality would you advise against this type of study or work? (When you ask this, you won’t be asking about Color Code personality type, instead, you’ll be asking this in general.)
  • What makes this area of study/job fun?
  • What makes this area of study/job difficult?
  • What’s the most important attribute for someone to have who wants to pursue this area of study and work?

Imagine asking the above questions; the answers you get should be referenceable to what you can learn from Color Code.

You might hear, “detail-oriented” and “high degree of accuracy.”  This would indicate a better fit for Blues and Whites and a poorer fit for Reds and Yellows.

You might hear, “decisive and fast-paced.” This would align more with Reds and Yellows, but maybe mostly Reds.

You might hear, “There’s a lot of flexibility and room to create your own path in this type of work.” That would be great for a Yellow or a White type. 

So, let’s go back to the original question: Can Color Code help an aspiring college student find the “best-fit” major?

Yes, it can, but the real answer is that it’s less about the major and more about the work afterward. When you have the conversations with those department advisors, ask them about the jobs that a degree works toward. Pick a major that aligns with both something that interests you and your Primary Core Motive. And if you can’t find something that really sparks a deep interest, pick something to explore that aligns with your Primary Core Motive. At least there, you know that you’ll have a natural motivational and behavioral fit.

Most importantly, don’t let your Color Code type tell you what you can’t do—instead, let it be a piece of the puzzle that helps you find your fit.  Color Code can inform, but it doesn’t need to determine. You get to use your whole self when finding your future.

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Derek Pangelinan is the owner of Derek Rey Consulting, a workplace-culture and leadership development company. He has been teaching Color Code for nine years and has taught teams in large and small organizations, for-profit and nonprofit, and has used it as a coaching tool. You can reach out to Derek at his business email address: Derek@DerekReyConsulting.com

How can a life coach help your personality type in relationships?

Each of the personality colors has their own strengths, and they also have their own areas that they need to work on, known as natural limitations. Relationships are a constant learning process, and when you’re stressed, you might find that the challenges linked to your personality color become enhanced.

Life coaching is a process that aims to help you alter your mindset in order to manifest a more positive lifestyle. You might be familiar with seeing a life coach for career motivation or for increasing your confidence, but how can seeing a life coach lead to forming stronger relationships with your loved ones? By addressing individual problems, and the causes of those problems, a coach will help you to overcome potential barriers that are holding you back from progressing as a couple.

Here, we take a look at how a life coach can help you to improve these color-specific challenges in your relationships.

Red

Reds are motivated by power. They love to get things done and are decisive and assertive, which is great for setting goals and moving towards them. 

However, it can be all too easy to get caught up in the longer-term goals, such as moving in together, getting married or even starting a family. When you become purely long-sighted in relationships, it is normal for people to overlook the importance of doing simple everyday tasks that demonstrate your commitment to each other.

Life coaching can help Red personality types slow down a little and understand why others might prefer to take a more detail-focused approach. Helpfully, accountability is something that people with a Red personality color are particularly strong at. They will take responsibility for moving things forward and show leadership and learning qualities that can help keep a relationship progressing in the right direction.

Blue

Those with a Blue personality love quality time, close relationships and intimacy. They make loving and considerate partners, but can easily get caught up in worry if they feel that someone is starting to pull away from them. They are often the ones who make the plans, for example, but if they are always doing this, they might start to feel that they are putting more into the relationship than they are getting out of it.

Life coaching can be a good space for a Blue to be able to air these feelings with their partner so that going forward they can work as a team, and their loved one can better know how to give them the appreciation they need to feel loved.

White

White personality types are the peacekeepers. They are able to stay calm and balanced and have high levels of tolerance. While this is great, it can be difficult for them to air their feelings, especially if they think that it will cause a fight, as they would rather adapt to their partner than cause a disagreement.

Life coaching can help couples with White or mixed personalities find a way to discuss their feelings. Perhaps their partner needs to be more aware of how to encourage openness, or they can discuss a different way of communicating, such as writing their feelings down first, so they can talk calmly.

Yellow

People with Yellow personality types love fun and enjoy seizing life with both hands and embracing all the opportunities that come their way. They are extremely sociable and eternally optimistic, a combination which makes them the life and soul of the party.

This can cause problems if both partners are Yellow personality types, or if one partner isn’t Yellow and needs quiet to recharge. Setting boundaries can be a problem for people with Yellow personalities, as saying yes to everything can lead to overcommitment and a lack of one-on-one time to spend with their partner. Having a consultation with a life coach can help examine how to balance the different parts of life so that your partner doesn’t feel left out.

Have you ever found success in overcoming your natural limitations with a life coach? Drop a comment below to let us know how. 

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Thomas Leach is a full-time writer who specializes in writing topics relating to career and personal development, life, and relationships. He likes to travel and meet new people. When he’s not busy, he reads biopic books and plays with his two dogs.

Ask the Expert: Why is my adult personality different from my childhood personality?

“Hi I had a criticism of this questionnaire. There are some items where none of the responses applied. I would say that was true on about three or four of these. There should therefore either be a ‘none apply’ or more options, because this will skew results. I think your assessment is correct except that it is wrong on a couple important fronts — about how I am now. This asks questions about being a child, but for someone like myself, who has been on a path of self-development since a young age, the way I was when I was a child is different than how I was as a teenager and as an adult and also from the things I’ve had to overcome. So if you were really going to have this be more accurate, I think you would need to develop a system where you look to see in what ways a person has changed. I went from being so shy I could not even speak to somebody on the phone to being someone who speaks to groups of hundreds of people and in leadership positions. So again, with the White assessment, I believe that’s correct except not in terms of leadership or motivation. I was definitely not a leader and not particularly motivated about anything as a child and that has changed 100 percent. Simply because I have had to work at that and did so through meditation and other spiritual and psychological practices. Just some feedback.”

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Thank you for asking such a well-thought-out question and providing examples of your reasoning. I would love to respond!

We actually have two different assessments that we utilize here at the Color Code. Each of those assessments is used for a different purpose, and I think having an understanding of what those are will help you better understand our methodology.

The first assessment that we use — which is the assessment that you are describing — is the Color Code Personality Assessment. That assessment is designed to identify what we call your “Driving Core Motive” (or “DCM”), which is what we believe is the foundational building block of your personality. We ask you to identify what you were like as a child when taking this assessment, because we believe that your DCM is actually innately present and that it is not learned through the various types of life phases that you so eloquently described.

This is important, because your DCM never changes over time, and it will always influence the way that you think, feel, and behave. It also impacts the types of values that you adopt over time. Understanding your DCM is critically important to developing accurate self-awareness, which further enables you to develop myriad EQ-related skills in life.

The second assessment that we offer is called The Character Code Assessment. The Character Code Assessment performs a different function. It actually measures what you are like TODAY on a regular and consistent basis. In this assessment, you evaluate yourself, and then you ask others to evaluate you as well so that you have an accurate 360 degree look at how you’re coming across right now.

Using both of these assessments in tandem provides the most accurate look at both your innate motives and your learned behavior.

Many people have this same question, and it’s understandable, because most personality assessments on the market are behavioral in nature. You simply answer the questions based on what you are like now and they put you into a personality classification of some sort.

Understanding your behaviors is insightful — which is why we offer the Character Code Assessment. But knowing the motives BEHIND the behavior adds enormous depth and clarification, which is why we always begin with the Color Code Personality Assessment.

Thanks again for asking such a wonderful question, and I hope this response is helpful to you!

Very best of living,

Jeremy Daniel

Training Director

Color Code

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Jeremy Daniel (Core Color: Yellow) has been working with the Color Code since 1998 in various capacities from training in the field personally with Dr. Taylor Hartman to designing customized corporate solutions and new training programs for various industries.  To ask about Jeremy’s training or speaking services, please email and inquiry to jeremy@colorcodetraining.com.

 

To learn more about Character Code and the accompanying workshop Decoding the Colors of Leadership, talk to your employer or contact a trainer near you.

Find a trainer:

https://www.colorcode.com/cc_trainers/

 

YOU GOTTA WANNA: Finding Change through Wanting Change

Do you know what happens to your quality of life if you decide to live by happenstance rather than choosing to live your life by design?  Happenstance takes no effort, and it’s a sure bet that you’re setting the bar of life extremely low.  This occurs whenever someone decides they will just see what happens to their quality of life providing no sense of planning, life strategy or vision. 

Happenstance can further be the evidence of selecting to just go along with the crew at chow time and eat from the plate of life from whatever is served up and whatever the rest of the crew is eating.

Living life by design is simple…not easy!  In order to pull off the quest of living life by design, you must strike a clear vision for how, where and when you will start this journey.  You must be willing to remain in a state of constant improvement.  You truly must be filled with desire…YOU GOTTA WANNA!

Let’s see if you can relate to this not-so-unique story.  I recognized that my favorite older sister was born with very high intelligence, an organic and attractive sense of playful interaction and carefree lifestyle of living in the moment. She has an extra kind and contagious big heart.   She is spontaneous and extremely easy to be around, and she leaves everyone that she meets feeling better after interacting with her.  

Yes, you already guessed by now that I’m talking about a sister who has nearly 50 percent of core Yellow cascading through her character.

While she is one of the most charismatic characters you may ever meet, she is faced with refusing to allow personal or professional growth to have a place in her life.  She prefers to live her life by happenstance.  

The limitations from her Yellow core and Blue secondary show up very consistently in her life.  Adding to being disorganized, forgetful and possessing poor follow-through, she is also guilt-prone, self-critical and allows poor self esteem to fuel it all.  The evidence of choosing to not live her life by design is proof that she doesn’t want to negotiate for a better life.  If you hunger for a better life…YOU GOTTA WANNA!

I have spent the last 51 years seeking to help my sister grow and evolve while doing my best to help her build a better quality of life.  After this significant investment of time, I have come to accept that it is none of my business to want more for my sister than she wants for herself… YOU GOTTA WANNA!

Since she has chosen to live her life by happenstance, she must face the dark and unhealthy side effects from making her resigned life choices.  I don’t own the rights to her happiness.  Making choices like seeking to improve your lifestyle and advancing in growing yourself along this journey called life is personal, and the weight of your life journey lies in the hands of the beholder.  Everyone gets to choose or choose not to WANNA choose.

Rather than wading in a cesspool of muck and uncertainty from an unhealthy and dysfunctional perspective, my sister could choose to WANNA and start from the ground up, seeking to advance her character in a path toward becoming healthy and charactered.  As you know, she would have to choose to get rid of her earlier mentioned limitations and showcase her innate strengths, while adopting strengths outside of her Yellow core.

This would be an amazing life choice that could help her raise her ‘deserve level’ and fuel her purpose, leading to a much higher quality of life.  Who do you know that stumbles through life with a low deserve level in an unhealthy and dysfunctional manner?  

If you are a core Red, Blue or White and wondering what you may need to do in order to raise your GOTTA WANNA campaign, read the helpful recommendations below that have been drawn from real life coaching case studies.

One man — we’ll call him Henry — is a core Red and has a very hard time wanting to show up in his important relationships thinking about anyone other than himself.  He lives from more than a few non-attractive Red limitations; he is selfish, arrogant and tactless.  

Henry has struggled through five failed marriages while managing three dysfunctional teenage children who are rejecting their father’s heavy-fisted style of parenting.  The best way for Henry to start developing a caring and pleasing personality would be to embrace self-awareness and understand how his personality and character are having a negative impact on his important relationships.  

He must choose to make an effort to do the work on removing the negative behavior, while showcasing native and learned positive character strengths of the Red, Blue, Yellow and White.  This would put Henry in the right position to start becoming charactered, offering him an increased awareness of life’s possibilities.

While Henry’s story offers excellent possibilities following the choice of self-awareness, another very different client case study presented new learning opportunities.   After serving Marta for more than ten years as her life coach, it was clear that her White limitations of being silently stubborn and detached were making it difficult for her staff of fifteen marketing executives to feel valued or heard by her.  It wasn’t until she chose to WANNA remove these limitations that her career began to shine.  Marta is now the Vice President of Marketing for a multimillion-dollar company.  She chose to WANNA.

After engaging with Amber during our Color Code Master Class, we discovered that being a core Blue purist (at 78 percent Blue on the Color Code assessment) was why she had a very difficult time allowing other team members participating in breakout sessions to get a word in edgewise!  

Following our Color Code Master Class, she asked us what she could do to improve, and we encouraged her to remove her Blue limitations of being suspicious, hard to please, jealous and moody.  Our final suggestion for helping Amber bring more balance and connection to her relationships was to ask her to learn and adopt some of the strengths from other colors, such as being a good listener. Let’s just say that Amber is a work in progress.

Perhaps it could come down to respecting just one basic foundational belief system… CHOICE…It’s your choice…YOU GOTTA WANNA!

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Jesse Ferrell is an International Speaker and Master Success Coach for JessTalk Speaking & Coaching Firm. He attended the University of Nevada at Las Vegas on academic scholarships, where he earned a Bachelor of Fine Arts Degree and a second Bachelor of Science Degree in Business & Hotel Administration. He worked in the hospitality industry for 36 years, ranging from a Busboy to Executive Director of Casino Marketing. He spent six years as a professor at UNLV.  Jesse loves being a certified Color Code trainer and the value that it brings to his company and clients.

 

Which Christmas character is your Color Code twin?

Deck the halls with peace and power fa la la la la la la la la. Tis the season for fun and relationships fa la la la la la la la la. Don we now our driving core motives fa la la fa la la LAA LAA LAAAA. Okay, I’ll stop. It’s Christmastime, and I’m just a little bit excited to write my Color Code Christmas blog. Can you think of a time of year when our core personalities shine through more than the month of December when both our stress and our happiness levels are at an all-time-high? I can’t. And what’s more, those core personalities are on display for all to enjoy through laughs and tears as we see ourselves reflected in the holiday movies we watch. What’s your favorite Christmas movie? Do you perhaps enjoy it because you relate to the main character? Or perhaps the protagonist reminds you of your spouse. Whatever the case, when a character is written well — even if they are fictional — they should display consistent characteristics of one of the personality colors. I thought it would be fun to highlight each of the personalities and match them with a Christmas character who may or may not appear in your favorite movie. Here we go!

The Blue — George Bailey from “It’s A Wonderful Life”

“What is it you want, Mary? What do you want? You want the moon? Just say the word and I’ll throw a lasso around it and pull it down. Hey. That’s a pretty good idea. I’ll give you the moon, Mary.” 

Throughout the beloved film, George Bailey sacrifices his own dreams to show up for people he loves. From letting his brother Harry go to college in place of him to spotting his fellow Bedford Falls-ians money in a time of desperation, George never fails to demonstrate charity, even when his own life is becoming something he never thought it would. Like an insecure Blue, George doesn’t realize the good he’s doing in the world until someone else shows him what life would be like without him. Although George has big dreams, he always puts relationships ahead of everything else, and in the end, we see how his life really is all about relationships. 

The Red — Kevin McCallister from “Home Alone”

“Did I burn down the joint? I don’t think so. I was making ornaments out of fishhooks.” 

What 8-year-old kid goes grocery shopping by themselves and thinks to buy a toothbrush that is approved by the American Dental Association? What second grader booby traps his entire house while his parents aren’t home and sends two middle-aged burglars to jail? A White, Yellow or Blue? I don’t think so. Kevin McCallister is definitely a Red. While most kids would cower at the thought of being left home alone, Kevin truly lives his best life all while providing for and protecting himself. Reds are resourceful as I’ll get out, and when Kevin senses danger, his response is, “This is my house. I have to defend it.” 

The Yellow — Buddy the Elf from “Elf”

“So Dad, I planned our whole day. First, we’ll make snow angels for two hours. And then we’ll go ice skating. And then we’ll eat a whole roll of Tollhouse Cookie Dough as fast as we can. And then, to finish, we’ll snuggle.”

His favorite food is candy. He treats every day like Christmas. And he only needs a full 40 minutes of sleep before he’s ready to party. Is Buddy a Yellow? Check, check and check. Buddy loves people and accepts them as they are (even if they’re his Scroogey dad). He can make anything fun, loves celebrations and unabashedly sings loud for all to hear. Buddy is basically a 30-year-old kid. Buddy teaches us not to take life too seriously and to never let go of the magic of or faith in Christmas. 

The White — Bob Cratchit from “A Christmas Carol”

“I’ll give you Mr. Scrooge, the founder of the feast!”

I don’t believe Tiny Tim would have uttered his famous quote, “God bless us, every one” if he wasn’t being raised by such a kind, nonjudgmental father. Day after day, Bob Cratchit goes to work, earning far less money than he deserves and warming himself by a tiny fire in the bleakest of winters. Yet, he still toasts to Mr. Scrooge “the founder of the feast” at Christmas dinner and kindly chastises his wife for speaking ill of his boss on Christmas Day. Bob Cratchit is kind to the core and accepting of others’ differences. He works tirelessly without expecting appreciation and sees with clarity the true meaning of life. He is a White.

And there you have it! A classic Christmas character to represent each of the four personality colors. Did any of these characters resonate with you? Let us know in the comments below!

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Megan Christensen is a White personality who has loved writing for as long as she can remember. Megan graduated from BYU-Idaho in 2014 with a degree in communication. A lifelong fan of the Color Code, she’s thrilled to be the content editor of the blog and hopes to help as many people as possible become more self-aware. When she’s not writing, Megan can be found reading, doing yoga, and spending as much time as she can outdoors.

Turning the Holidays from Stress-ful to Stress-free

It’s the hap-happiest season of all…or is it? 

According to a survey by the American Psychological Association, many people experience “the holiday blues” this time of year. “While the majority of people surveyed reported feelings of happiness, love, and high spirits over the holidays, those emotions were often accompanied by feelings of fatigue, stress, irritability, bloating, and sadness.”

Each of us moves into the holidays with mixed feelings—some joy and some trepidation. Even those who love this season can experience times of high emotion and demands, which can leave many people feeling stressed and exhausted. Following are a few tips for changing your holiday from stressful to stress-free.

MANAGE EXPECTATIONS. There is no perfect holiday. Repeat, there is no perfect holiday. Things are bound to go wrong. Don’t fall into the trap of comparing your life with others. It’s human nature for your friends to ‘post’ only the happy moments they are experiencing, but chances are, they too are experiencing angst. You don’t have to create a Hallmark channel event to have an enjoyable season. By managing your expectations and recognizing how you can help yourself and others, you can ease the stress.

Reds—Expect to connect with others emotionally and socially. If you’re in a relationship with a Blue or Yellow, remember that they need you to up your game. Respect the needs and wants of those around you even if you don’t get it. Show gratitude for their efforts. 

Blues—Your natural gifts are quality and service. You bring your A-game for the holidays, but you also have unrealistic expectations. Don’t demand perfection from yourself or others. Above all, don’t fret if you can’t meet everyone’s needs—impose limits—learn to say no.

Whites—You should expect to have to socialize more during the holidays. As difficult as this is for you, give it your best. However, if it is overwhelming for you, be sure to take care of yourself. Find some downtime to rejuvenate. Pick the most important places to be and politely excuse yourself if you can’t manage more.

Yellows—This is your season! You love the parties, the gifts, and the attention. Try not to be disappointed when others don’t reciprocate your enthusiasm. You might need to lower your expectations to avoid disappointment when things don’t go your way. Spread joy as only you can.

SET CONVERSATION BOUNDARIES. As we’ve experienced in the past few years, some issues are best avoided when meeting with a diverse crowd. Tell your guests you want a positive and uplifting get-together with no talk of subjects that might push buttons. Banish the ghosts of holidays past—don’t hold on to what someone said three years ago. 

Reds—This means you. You enjoy a good debate and might not see the subtle (or not so subtle) distress you might be causing the rest of the group. Save it for January. Instead, use your leadership skills to steer the conversation in more positive directions. 

Blues—Remember, you can’t write a script for your event. Not everyone will follow the rules that are so important to you. If someone is acting in a way that you feel is inappropriate, gently change the subject. A simple “remember when…” should do the trick.

Whites—Your motivation of peace makes any discord uncomfortable. Disengage before it ruins your mood. You are kind and a good listener. Encourage people to share fond memories and fun anecdotes. You (and they) will be happier for it.

Yellows—You are a happy and charismatic conversationalist. People love to be around you. But give them a chance. Try active listening and think before you speak. Some Yellows tend to be interrupters. Try to avoid stomping on someone else’s conversation. 

MOST IMPORTANTLY—TAKE CARE OF YOUR NEEDS—Know your needs and wants no matter your driving core motive. If you are feeling stressed, take time for yourself. Do what makes you happy. If you love to read, read. If you enjoy brisk walks, do it. Want to listen to your favorite music? Great. These small snatches of alone time, doing what you love, will calm your nerves and help you to get rid of your stress and embrace the joyfulness of the season.

Take the advice of the professionals:

Don’t overspend to please others. Gifts do not buy love or respect. By overspending, your holiday blues will turn into post-holiday angst. Maybe it’s time to draw names for holiday gift exchanges and set limits on the amount spent. Or, make gift-giving fun and inexpensive with White Elephant exchanges. Who knows? Your guests might be grateful not to have to overspend as well. Help set realistic expectations with your children. Have discussions that let them know that the holidays are not about expensive gifts. Don’t try to keep up with those who go overboard with their children’s presents. Now might be a great time to teach them empathy by volunteering to help others in need.

Watch your nutrition. Let’s face it; holidays are all about eating. Rich foods, candy, and sweets abound. Alcohol is plentiful. It’s okay to indulge sparingly, but don’t forget that certain foods and alcohol can be mood-altering and can add to your blues. Experts tell us to eat a healthy snack before attending an event. Doing this will leave you somewhat sated and less likely to overindulge. Get plenty of sleep.

Holidays can be full of joy and love. By following these tips, we hope that you can eliminate the stress and enjoy the feeling of warmth and support of those whose relationships you cherish. 

Here’s wishing you the happiest of holidays.

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Teresa Glenn has been working with the Color Code since 2006, where her main focus is product development. She has been in the publishing and product development field for over 20 years. Teresa is a core Red with a strong Yellow secondary.