Reds rarely if at all tend to show emotional vulnerability. To put themselves out there, whether consciously or unconsciously, is totally opposed to their personality. When emotional vulnerability is demonstrated, it is best to allow the Red to express himself without too much reaction from you. To empathize and express compassion is not the best way to handle it, either. The Red will feel uncomfortable to hear such reactions of understanding and consolation. What has worked for me in dealing with Reds is to pretend to ignore emotional vulnerability. Instead, I make an objective statement about the reason for his or her response without touching on his or her actual response. Articulating your own feelings would be a good way to manage the Red’s emotional vulnerability.

My husband is a Red. During rare occasions when he feels sad and on the verge of tears over a situation, I acknowledge the feeling and remain calm and factual. As a Blue, it is not easy to be objective and logical. But I bracket my emotions just for this moment and allow the Red to be vulnerable. I try not to calm him down, because that would cause him to shift to a negative emotion, such as anger. I mention some concrete action steps to respond to the situation, such as “people do what they decide to do for themselves, and therefore we have no control over how they will behave. We can only control our response.” Allowing without accepting is also another way to respond. To remain rational throughout this interaction helps the Red stay emotionally vulnerable. At the end, I could see that he remained silent and listened. For once, he was not arguing and monopolizing the conversation.

Perhaps remarks such as, “I would feel the same way, if I were in your shoes,” or “I totally see how this situation can make you feel this way” would be good, because it helps them feel they are right, which Reds love. The tone of voice that is calm and direct can also  make a difference in encouraging emotional vulnerability.

Reds hide their insecurities tightly. To reveal emotional vulnerability might be misconstrued as revealing insecurities.  Continue to be respectful of the Red and their position of power or influence. If a Red shows a glimpse of emotional vulnerability, be careful not to diminish their leadership position by riding on the emotions. Instead, acknowledge the emotion with logic. Be brief, direct and specific and support their correct decisions or their emotional position.

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Grace Abellera has spent over 30 years in training and development in the airline industry and financial services. She attended both the University of the Philippines and Stanford University and has a Master’s degree in Psychology and a certificate in teaching negotiation skills from Harvard Business School. She has been a certified Color Code trainer for the past decade and has been a certified professional in talent development since 2007.