Month: November 2021

Turning the Holidays from Stress-ful to Stress-free

It’s the hap-happiest season of all…or is it? 

According to a survey by the American Psychological Association, many people experience “the holiday blues” this time of year. “While the majority of people surveyed reported feelings of happiness, love, and high spirits over the holidays, those emotions were often accompanied by feelings of fatigue, stress, irritability, bloating, and sadness.”

Each of us moves into the holidays with mixed feelings—some joy and some trepidation. Even those who love this season can experience times of high emotion and demands, which can leave many people feeling stressed and exhausted. Following are a few tips for changing your holiday from stressful to stress-free.

MANAGE EXPECTATIONS. There is no perfect holiday. Repeat, there is no perfect holiday. Things are bound to go wrong. Don’t fall into the trap of comparing your life with others. It’s human nature for your friends to ‘post’ only the happy moments they are experiencing, but chances are, they too are experiencing angst. You don’t have to create a Hallmark channel event to have an enjoyable season. By managing your expectations and recognizing how you can help yourself and others, you can ease the stress.

Reds—Expect to connect with others emotionally and socially. If you’re in a relationship with a Blue or Yellow, remember that they need you to up your game. Respect the needs and wants of those around you even if you don’t get it. Show gratitude for their efforts. 

Blues—Your natural gifts are quality and service. You bring your A-game for the holidays, but you also have unrealistic expectations. Don’t demand perfection from yourself or others. Above all, don’t fret if you can’t meet everyone’s needs—impose limits—learn to say no.

Whites—You should expect to have to socialize more during the holidays. As difficult as this is for you, give it your best. However, if it is overwhelming for you, be sure to take care of yourself. Find some downtime to rejuvenate. Pick the most important places to be and politely excuse yourself if you can’t manage more.

Yellows—This is your season! You love the parties, the gifts, and the attention. Try not to be disappointed when others don’t reciprocate your enthusiasm. You might need to lower your expectations to avoid disappointment when things don’t go your way. Spread joy as only you can.

SET CONVERSATION BOUNDARIES. As we’ve experienced in the past few years, some issues are best avoided when meeting with a diverse crowd. Tell your guests you want a positive and uplifting get-together with no talk of subjects that might push buttons. Banish the ghosts of holidays past—don’t hold on to what someone said three years ago. 

Reds—This means you. You enjoy a good debate and might not see the subtle (or not so subtle) distress you might be causing the rest of the group. Save it for January. Instead, use your leadership skills to steer the conversation in more positive directions. 

Blues—Remember, you can’t write a script for your event. Not everyone will follow the rules that are so important to you. If someone is acting in a way that you feel is inappropriate, gently change the subject. A simple “remember when…” should do the trick.

Whites—Your motivation of peace makes any discord uncomfortable. Disengage before it ruins your mood. You are kind and a good listener. Encourage people to share fond memories and fun anecdotes. You (and they) will be happier for it.

Yellows—You are a happy and charismatic conversationalist. People love to be around you. But give them a chance. Try active listening and think before you speak. Some Yellows tend to be interrupters. Try to avoid stomping on someone else’s conversation. 

MOST IMPORTANTLY—TAKE CARE OF YOUR NEEDS—Know your needs and wants no matter your driving core motive. If you are feeling stressed, take time for yourself. Do what makes you happy. If you love to read, read. If you enjoy brisk walks, do it. Want to listen to your favorite music? Great. These small snatches of alone time, doing what you love, will calm your nerves and help you to get rid of your stress and embrace the joyfulness of the season.

Take the advice of the professionals:

Don’t overspend to please others. Gifts do not buy love or respect. By overspending, your holiday blues will turn into post-holiday angst. Maybe it’s time to draw names for holiday gift exchanges and set limits on the amount spent. Or, make gift-giving fun and inexpensive with White Elephant exchanges. Who knows? Your guests might be grateful not to have to overspend as well. Help set realistic expectations with your children. Have discussions that let them know that the holidays are not about expensive gifts. Don’t try to keep up with those who go overboard with their children’s presents. Now might be a great time to teach them empathy by volunteering to help others in need.

Watch your nutrition. Let’s face it; holidays are all about eating. Rich foods, candy, and sweets abound. Alcohol is plentiful. It’s okay to indulge sparingly, but don’t forget that certain foods and alcohol can be mood-altering and can add to your blues. Experts tell us to eat a healthy snack before attending an event. Doing this will leave you somewhat sated and less likely to overindulge. Get plenty of sleep.

Holidays can be full of joy and love. By following these tips, we hope that you can eliminate the stress and enjoy the feeling of warmth and support of those whose relationships you cherish. 

Here’s wishing you the happiest of holidays.

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Teresa Glenn has been working with the Color Code since 2006, where her main focus is product development. She has been in the publishing and product development field for over 20 years. Teresa is a core Red with a strong Yellow secondary.

 

Thanksgiving: What does each color bring to the table?

Gratitude. When someone mentions this word, how does it resonate with you? Do you think about 2021 being a particularly tough year with more blows than you thought you could stand? Or do you immediately go to looking around at your material items? Maybe you are naturally grateful and can see the positive amidst a sea of challenges.

I wasn’t built with a sunshine disposition. (Have you guessed my color yet?) I have to work at it, and yes I have to work at knowing and naming what I am grateful for. It takes work. (Ok, I’ll fess up. I’m a Red with a strong secondary Blue.) Can you relate?

As we are traveling through this holiday season, what comes to mind when you think of Thanksgiving? Even for those who do not celebrate the holiday, I would suggest you still take the time off work and plan for a special meal alongside family and friends.

For me, Thanksgiving has always been a favorite holiday because of a certain dish. (Yes – this Red isn’t ready to talk about the relationships around the table and seeing family… blah blah blah.) I want to tell you about my mother’s noodles. And even more – my husband’s ability to make them. Trust me, there is something in here for you. Truly.

How in the world does this relate to gratitude? Well, it started several years ago when I realized we would not make it back to my parent’s home for the holidays. My gastronomical system immediately began its slide into a depressive zone. No Thanksgiving in East Tennessee meant no noodles. My mother’s homemade noodles. The ones I’ve been eating since before I could walk. The ones all of my friends remember when they have had holiday meals at our home. The ones that I will fight you on if you dare call them “dumplins.” (They most decidedly are not.) The ones that my late father and I would fight for position over the pot on the stove to see who would sample them first while my mom yelled, “Leave them alone. They are not done yet. Save some for everyone else!” Too bad, suckers. We had our bowls and forks ready the minute she dropped those things in the pot of chicken stock. Those noodles were ours! No one – and I mean no one – was going to box us out of position for the first bowls of those heavenly flour noodles of goodness.

Throughout my young adult years when I could not make it home for Thanksgiving, my phone-resistant father would often call and say, “Guess what I am eating.” And I knew. Those noodles. At least I had the peace that came with the Christmas holiday. I would get mine.

But then came that year when I knew that I would not get home for either the Thanksgiving or the Christmas holiday. No noodles at all. And my whining commenced. My sadness came in. My efforts at sunshine were void. (Ok, a bit melodramatic, but trust me – I was not a happy camper.)

Until. My dear husband (who does most of the cooking and is a White personality) said, “I’ll make them for you.” And I said, “Really?” My eyes lit up. My whining stilled. My hopes were returned. I had the recipe. I just didn’t have the skills. My husband? He had the heart. The respect for the need. The wisdom to know how much this would please me, and yes – he had the culinary skills.

And make those noodles he did. He prepared them that year (sooo good!), and then he perfected them over the years to beyond what my mom (sorry again, mom – but we have broken the news to her already) did. He made a few changes in the stock and cut the noodles a bit thinner. He does other ingredients he is a bit vague about. They are, simply put, heaven on earth.

So, when I think about being grateful for Thanksgiving, I must admit my gratitude goes to those noodles. And if I were to reveal my real thoughts and expose my feelings, I am grateful for more than just the noodles  – I am grateful for having loved ones that started traditions (mom) and continue traditions (my husband, Kevin).

As a Red on the Color Code with a strong secondary Blue, holidays are conflicting. We think of the actions that need to be taken and then, if we are not aware, our secondary emotions can kick in. So, knowing this, how might each color approach Thanksgiving?

Whites: Whites will accept you as you are. You like noodles? Great! You don’t? No problem! They want to you to respect and accept them as well. They will show their gratitude in quiet ways of support (noodle making – trust me, they really are that amazing and worthy of all of this space) or in just sitting with you when you are missing that special family member who is no longer on the planet.

Blues: Blues are going to plan this day. They are going to think about matching napkins, placeholders for the attendees and what everyone would want to drink. They are going to consider the serve ware the dishes are served in and might even have a theme. Don’t even think about putting the mashed potatoes in the same bowl they were mashed in. There is a special dish just for the presentation. Trust me. There is. Be sure to acknowledge your appreciation for their efforts, even if you couldn’t care less how the napkins were folded. They care, and that is what matters.

Yellows: Yellows need to keep things light and fun. They want a bit of structure (it’s good for them to know when you are eating, but please do not expect them to plan the shopping and the menu on their own) and will bring the energy and acceptance to the dinner space. They are the most inclusive of the four colors – and so you know they will accept that unique family member or special someone that is brought to the meal.

Reds: Reds, well – that secondary color is important. A Red is about getting things done. Meal at 2pm – eat – clean up. Move on to the next. They are not necessarily about lingering at the table after the meal is done – they are already ticking to their next action step. They will make sure the plans are in motion and depending on their secondary, might follow-up to ensure the details are done. But, they are going to expect to eat when they are ready, and waiting for that one person who is always an hour late? Well, there is a reason my dad and I would get a head start around that stovetop. We are practical people.

Each personality color has amazing contributions to bring to our table. When we acknowledge them, highlight their gifts and work together, our meals and time together can become extraordinary. We can connect again and remember the funny quirks we all have. We can be grateful that our Blue attendee really did set a beautiful table that enhances the food presentation and that the Yellow’s energy brings the light conversation we all so need. The White is going to be the safe space for that family member or attendee who has had a tough year and just wants a good meal and a conversation that doesn’t include, “What are your goals for 2022?” And the Red is going to make sure the meal starts somewhere around the planned time and also ensure that the space gets cleaned up so the game can be watched or played.

As you begin this holiday season, whatever way you choose, keep your perspective and stay grateful for your blessings. Even when they come in the form of a little flour and chicken stock. Trust me.

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Kelly L. Knowles is a senior trainer at a regional law firm, where she develops and provides technical and professional skills training to all levels of the organization. Kelly is also an adjunct instructor in the Business Management department at MTSU. In 2017, Kelly obtained a Color Code certification and began Kelly K. Consulting. Kelly K. Consulting focuses on helping individuals and teams discover, develop, and dig into their inner leader. She guides this through one-on-one and group coaching as well as through corporate team training.

Eight Ways Color Code Helps Parents & Kids

Recently, I had the fun opportunity to help create a mini Messenger lesson for our Facebook fans that was designed to teach parents specifically how Color Code helps them and their kids.

However, since many of our blog readers are not on Facebook, I thought it would be fun to share that info here as well in the form of an article.

So, without further adieu, let’s explore eight of my favorite ways Color Code helps parents and kids.

1. Goodbye, frustrations! (Well, at least a lot of them ;))

One HUGE way Color Code helps parents and their kids is it frees them both from many unnecessary frustrations simply by helping them make sense of each other’s personality styles. We all are different, and Color Code helps us make allowances for these differences and learn to navigate them with mutual understanding.

For example, if you know your child is a Red, you know she is looking for results and will challenge you directly. Knowing this about her personality instantly frees you from personalizing her challenges and empowers you with tools to better meet both of your needs.

2. Google Translate — Personality Edition

Another way Color Code helps parents is teaching them how to understand and approach their child’s communication style so they are no longer faced with a child who may not currently be able to “hear” them because of how messages are being presented. Parents have a lot of important messages they want to convey to their kids, but many times kids don’t listen (or at least don’t hear) simply because of how the message is being presented. Color Code can help out.

For example, if you learn that your child is a White and what that means, you’ll know he resents being pressured to do things. As a parent, of course, you want to see your child thrive. And the fact that your child is naturally unmotivated and uninvolved — two innate limitations of the White personality —may make you nag. However, hounding him to do his homework or pressuring him to join a team sport will probably not be received well, because Whites dislike being controlled. As a Red or a Blue parent, this is a considerable challenge because of your controlling nature. But instead of pressuring your White child into doing things, Color Code would suggest ways you can show patience without trying to rush them or be cruel or insensitive if you want to avoid the oh-so-frustrating “silently stubborn” trap Whites are famous for.

3. It’s not you, it’s me. Seriously.

Color Code also helps parents understand their own personal biases in relationship to their child’s personality. This is extremely helpful as a parent, because when we understand our own wants and needs in relation to our child’s, we can clearly see how we enhance and detract from our child’s success.

For example, if you are a Yellow parent, you tend to welcome change and getting over things comes easily to you. But, if you know your child is a Blue, you’ll know that too much change is difficult for him, and he has a much harder time letting things go than you. Knowing this will help you show up for him in the way he needs you to show up instead of expecting him to handle it your way and not understanding what the problem is.

4. The Right Tool for the Right Personality

Color Code also gives parents insights into setting their kids up for success based specifically on their personality style.

For example, if one of your children is Yellow, you most likely have noticed that even though she is so much fun and great at many things, she seems to have a naturally harder time staying focused and finishing projects. And because of this, she needs a different type of help to cross finish lines for homework, goals, and creating healthy life habits. Combining this knowledge with our tips and tricks for parenting a Yellow can help you create a schedule and system that will provide her with the blend of freedom, reward systems, and playfulness she needs, while also adding in the structure and limits required for her to succeed. Obviously it goes without saying that Color Code doesn’t provide all the answers, but it absolutely points parents in the right direction to get their kids the tools they need for success much faster than without.

And speaking of setting up kids for success, let’s now take a look at a few ways Color Code specifically helps children.

5. Foundational Self-Awareness FTW

One of the major ways Color Code helps kids and teens is by giving them a significant jump in self-awareness. This is so helpful, because experts have determined that self-awareness is a critical factor in creating success in life. It leads to better decision-making, greater self-control, greater self-confidence, and positive self-development to name just a few of its benefits. And, one of the best reasons Color Code is so helpful with self-awareness for children and teens is because it’s actually easy to remember and to apply.

6. An Active Voice and Sense of Self

Additionally, when children or teens are able to take a Color Code age-appropriate assessment for themselves, it gives them an active voice in assessing who they believe they are at the core. Not only are they much more receptive to this than merely being assessed by others and told what color personality they are believed to be, but young people are especially open to discovering and questioning new insights about themselves. They feel far less threatened than adults by the prospect of looking inward at their inherent strengths and limitations.  And, for many, this awareness comes with added self-esteem and self-reflection, because it provides an identity separate from any other influence and frees them to see themselves at their raw, innate core.

7. A Plan With Room to Grow and Places to Go

Once youth understand their Driving Core Motive and what that means for them, they are able to leverage the insights about their strengths and limitations along with the activity in their assessment to come up with an age-appropriate self-awareness plan, gain leadership skills, develop better study habits, understand their parents and peers better, as well as simply have greater self-esteem and self-assurance about who they are as a person.

8. Empathy for Others — Even Really Difficult People

And the last big thing we want to mention is that the concepts of color-coding provide young people with powerful tools for understanding and empathizing with others—even previously difficult and different people. Each youth assessment not only educates an individual about their own personality type, but also about other people’s basic wants and needs, strengths and limitations. The insights found within their assessment results are specifically designed to give age-appropriate understanding about why people behave differently from each other, make allowances for those differences, and champion our diversity in personalities.

And there you have it! My favorite eight ways Color Code helps parents and youth.

But more importantly, hopefully YOU saw a few ways in which you and your family could benefit.

If you did, I wanted you to know that we are giving away a FREE download of our new 40-page parenting guide when you purchase any of our youth or adult assessments. We worked hard on packing it with great info, (I was on the team that created it, in fact!) and I know you will find a lot of good stuff in it.

Plus, for a limited time, if you use this special link, you’ll get 25 percent off all youth and adult assessments, the free 40-page parenting guide and free shipping!

Here’s to you and more parent-child bliss! 😉

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joeJoe England has known about the Color Code ever since 1994 when his Grandpa caused quite a family controversy by “quick coding” everyone.  Luckily, Joe could see the value in what Grandpa Don was going for and years later, when the opportunity arose to work for the Color Code, Joe jumped at the chance. He is a Yellow, enjoys Swedish Fish and typically gets along with children better than adults.

5 Listening Traps to Avoid

“To effectively communicate, we must realize that we are all different in the way we perceive the world and then we must use this understanding as a guide to our communication with others.” – Anthony Robbins

Have you ever noticed how GOOD it feels to be really listened to? It’s impactful and conveys respect and value. 

The ability to effectively communicate with others remains the single most important factor on a leader’s list of attributes. A big part of effective communication is active listening.  Unfortunately, one of the big communication challenges most people face is that we don’t actively listen to understand. We listen to reply. 

How many times have you forgotten the name of someone who’s just been introduced? It happens all the time.  Why?  Because people pay only scant attention to what is being said. They’re already formulating their reply or have mentally moved on to the next topic or person.

Reds and Yellows usually have the most difficulty when it comes to active listening, because they are either only half-focused on the conversation, or their attention span doesn’t have time for long, drawn-out stories or explanations.

However, Blues and Whites can also struggle with active listening.  A Blue might get stuck trying to understand a particular statement while the conversation has moved on.  And a White can become so busy analyzing the words that have been used, they miss the essence of what is being said.

In a nutshell, everyone faces challenges when it comes to giving their full attention to “here and now” conversations. To help us keep our listening channels open, here are five communication traps any color could easily avoid.  See if you can identify the most likely personality color to fall into these traps.

  1. Tuning Out—Not paying attention to the speaker due to disinterest in the speaker or subject.  Thinking about other things or multitasking.
  2. Rehearsing—Concentrating on what to say or do next rather than focusing on the speaker’s message. Planning the next steps before the speaker has finished.
  3. Detachment—Remaining emotionally detached from the speaker, concerned with content only and not the feelings behind it. Only half-listening or not interacting, thereby missing the message’s underlying meaning.
  4. Judging—Having a different opinion that causes the listener to block out new ideas and information. Overanalyzing the speaker’s underlying meaning, causing you to miss the point.
  5. Controlling the Conversation—Failure to allow the speaker to talk at his or her own pace. Constantly interrupting with comments or questions.

When you find yourself facing one of these common listening traps, it’s time to adjust your communication style to meet the needs of your listener. 

If you’re guilty of any of these communication traps, take a moment to assess why, and then, using what you know about the driving core motive of each personality color, refocus your attention and take responsibility for becoming an effective, active listener.

Active listening is everyone’s responsibility. If each of us takes the time to really listen to what others say, think, and feel, I believe we’ll foster a better sense of community and stronger understanding between all people. 

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Carol Westberry was introduced to Color Code in 1994 and certified as a Color Code Trainer in 2011. Carol has made Color Code and the principles outlined by Dr. Hartman an integral part of her human resources professional services and client trainings. A fun-motivated (flaming) YELLOW, Carol uses her natural talents of enthusiasm and optimism to guide her clients through all the serious facets of human resources. Her career includes being a certified Human Resources professional in the corporate as well as the consulting worlds, a management and leadership trainer, an international best-selling author and an accomplished workshop and seminar presenter. As a featured speaker at numerous annual conferences and conventions, Carol has designed and delivered HR Compliance Color Code-focused workshops to thousands of people. Carol is married to her high school sweetheart, has traveled extensively, and admits that she plays “at” playing golf. She also enjoys reminding her Red husband that she is the only one in the family who has ever made a hole-in-one.