Author: joecolorcode

Why “AS A CHILD?”

The other day, I was talking to a new friend who had recently taken the Color Code assessment. We were having a great discussion about how much she enjoyed it. However, she told me she had real trouble understanding what we meant by the “childhood perspective” when answering the questions. Did we mean how she was as an 8-year-old child? Or a 15-year-old? Or what? And why a child to begin with? 

We ended up having a great conversation about the reasoning behind this. I thought I would share with you what I shared with her in case you (or someone you know) has ever wondered the same things.

What age do we actually mean by “AS A CHILD?”

If you can, we actually suggest answering our assessment questions from the earliest recollections you have of yourself. That might mean 6 years old for some and 12 years old for others. Or, if you truly can’t remember your childhood perspective, we would recommend that you answer the assessment questions thinking of yourself at a time when you’ve been most comfortable with yourself—when you felt you were being most true to yourself, instead of acting how outside influences wanted you to act. We want you to think about your very most natural, innate, gut instinct—what would you do if nothing from the outside were influencing your decision?

Why do we want to know your perspective as a child in the first place?

Hopefully by now you know our stance on Motive (DCM) and why it’s so much more effective than identifying behavior alone. You know, the whole “WHY you do what you do, not WHAT you do.” 

It is for this reason that our assessment seeks to find your Motive (Nature). We want to identify your personality before Nurture got involved—because those nurture influences can make it harder to identify your Motive and give you an inaccurate base from which to build upon.

For most people, the easiest way to do this is to think of themselves as a child—before they were really aware of their personalities or before they felt they had to be a certain way.  For example, I’ve got a cousin who grew up with a Red father, and she told me that growing up she felt she HAD to be Red, because it was the only acceptable way to be. We want to find out who you are BEFORE those types of Nurture influences entered your life. 

I hope that makes sense and gives you a better idea of why we ask you to answer “AS A CHILD.”

And, for good measure, here’s a question we get a lot: 

“What if NONE of the answers on a question apply to me?”

The answer to this is actually also pretty cool. 

Hopefully for most of the questions, there is one answer with which you identify the strongest—that is the answer you should choose. Normally, your gut instinct is correct. 

However, we teach that of course not every question on the profile is going to be totally applicable to every person, but not to worry because that is taken into consideration in the scoring of the profile—in fact, we use a pretty cool computer algorithm to help get the most accurate score possible.

And, when trying to decide what to choose… if there are two choices you find yourself conflicted over, that’s normal. It could be that you have a secondary color (which you would learn more about in the Full Analysis), or it could be that you have developed or learned one of the traits, while the other comes naturally to you. We are looking for the one that comes naturally to you. In trying to identify your Motive, we want to know your natural/innate strengths and limitations, not your learned/developed ones. Remember, we are going after the Nature. Keeping this in mind, we would advise you to choose the answer that feels most NATURAL to you, even if you also identify with some of the other choices. Just pick the choice that feels the MOST like you, even if you hardly identify with it. As long as this is happening on just a handful of questions, it shouldn’t affect your results. 

Well, I guess that’s about it for now. Thanks for reading! 

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joeJoe England has known about the Color Code ever since 1994 when his Grandpa caused quite a family controversy by “quick coding” everyone.  Luckily, Joe could see the value in what Grandpa Don was going for and years later, when the opportunity arose to work for the Color Code, Joe jumped at the chance. He is a Yellow, enjoys Swedish Fish and typically gets along with children better than adults.

Communicating with different personalities in the same household

Hello!

Party of six, party of six, yes, six!

Who are these people? We live together, but who are we? We are a multigenerational, grand family household.

Here is the cast by generation, gender, and personality color:

Boomer Husband — Red

Boomer Wife — Red, White, and Blue

Millennial Daughter — White

Gen Z Grandson — Yellow

Gen Z Granddaughter — Red and Blue

Gen Alpha Grandson — Red and Blue

As the boomer wife and home manager, I often wonder: Why can’t anyone hear me!?!

Why am I so exhausted from simple communication!?! Who. Are. These. People? What. Do. You. Want. From. Me?

Starting with Mr. Gen Alpha — the youngest kid — he is a Red and Blue who does not hear me because of his immersion in technology. It is his way of life!

He is logical and emotional, and I must build on the logic of his arguments and ideas, promoting his creative efforts and ambitions, without demanding perfection, while avoiding being slow and indecisive. Oh! Gen Alpha is also impatient, which means I must hurry because he wants and needs it NOW!

My posture with this kid is to take a walk, have a conversation with myself, and take a deep breath before addressing the ask, want, or need. He is a conversationalist and will dissect everything that I say. A planned conversation is best with him. Taking time to plan the conversation results in a win-win for both of us. Planning the conversation also allows me to approach with sensitivity and ensure security in the exchange and the relationship.

Next is Ms. Gen Z — the middle kid. She is a Red and Blue and is concerned with academic performance and job prospects.

She is logical, emotional and is focused on being well-mannered and behaving appropriately.

Oh my goodness, I cannot raise my voice or use an authoritarian approach, embarrass her in front of others, or be slow and indecisive. Like her brother, she is impatient. I need to support her leadership instincts and correct decisions without pushing her into making quick decisions. An imperative is avoiding being rude or abrupt.

We take walks together to discuss whatever is at hand. I make sure that she feels heard and understood. She feels “some kind of way” about being a middle child with an older and younger brother. We often brainstorm and exchange ideas to reach middle ground. She gains confidence by contributing to the decision-making process. I’m relieved of the pressure of anticipating having to be demanding.

Now, Mr. Gen Z — the oldest kid. He’s a yellow who is challenged with staying focused and on task!

I want to say, “Can you please do a little planning up front so that you can get it right the first time?” Or, “Don’t let me give you too much rope to hang yourself with while I reinforce trust, offer praise, appreciation, and encourage self-expression while making sure that I’m not being too serious or sober when criticism is necessary and avoid pushing too intensely or demanding perfection.”

Our conversations center around exploring the bigger picture, making decisions, and taking actions that prepare him for success. Hugs are the key to reinforcing trust in our relationship.

Ms. Millennial/Gen Y — Second Generation — White — Me. Me. Me.

I routinely watch for landmines here as I can’t be too intense, overwhelm her with too much information, rush communication, or demand leadership. She has required practice of me reacting gently, hearing and listening quietly and carefully while internally, I’m thinking, “Can we get to the point already!?!” Oops, I forgot to show patience in a non-threatening way!

Taking and giving space is best for this relationship. We share ideas and go our separate ways to consider and then come back together to discuss. We repeat this process as much as needed. It is time consuming, but avoiding conflict is the goal.

I’m improving my life and my relationships by using the Color Code to better understand myself and my family. How I relate to each individual is a journey, and I’m blessed to have this opportunity.

I will leave you to wonder about the Boomer Husband!

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Deborah Bryson is a Certified Color Code Trainer, Life Coach, and Human Resources Professional. As a Life Coach, Deborah helps her clients step out of the shadows and fears of the past, take off their masks, embrace their own destiny, and truly connect to who they are. Deborah is a “Carolina Girl” with extended family in North and South Carolina. She “coaches” basketball, soccer, and baseball at “home” and is an avid fan of her “players” when they’re on the field or court.

Rules For Relationally Intelligent Business Gifting

Research shows that giving a bad gift can hurt your relationships and lose business. So how can you be sure you choose something your recipient will love?

Nearly every business around the world uses gift giving as a strategy to build relationships with its business partners, employees, clients and colleagues.  The challenge hasn’t been whom to give to or even how much to spend.  It’s always been what to give.

When it comes to business gifting, there’s definitely a right way and a wrong way to go about it.

According to the 2019 Knack Business Gifting Strategy Report, over 1,000 U.S. business professionals were surveyed and 70 percent said they experienced negative feelings about their business relationships after receiving a less than stellar gift.  As a result, 11 percent of them went elsewhere for their products and services.

Why? The number one response was they didn’t feel valued.

Using the principles of the Color Code can change that.

It’s important to understand that gifting isn’t an art. It’s SCIENCE!  Relationship science to be exact.  And when it comes to relationship science, there’s no better tool than the Color Code.

Based on their reasons for not feeling valued, I put together 5 rules for strengthening relationships by applying the Color Code to business gifting.

Bonus Tip:  You can even follow these rules for strengthening your personal relationships!

Rule #1:  It Really is the Thought That Counts

Over 25 percent of the recipients surveyed said they felt the giver didn’t put much thought into their gift.

Generic gifts such as gift cards, edible fruit, and promotional (logo) items simply don’t cut it anymore.

No matter what their Color Code is, your recipient wants to know you spent time thinking about them and what kind of gift they would want to receive.

Rule #2:  Quality Over Quantity

While a gift basket that looks like a feast seems like a good idea, your recipients are savvy and know they’re filled with stale nuts and cardboard crackers.

Cheap, poor quality gifts leave recipients feeling unappreciated.  Especially Reds and Blues!

Instead, choose gourmet gifts that boast small-batch, artisan-made delectables.  Even if it’s a gift box with 3 to 5 top-quality ingredients, it will surprise and delight any personality.

Rule #3:  Relevance is Key

If there’s one thing you learn through the Color Code, it’s how to better relate to each personality in order to strengthen your relationship.  The same principles apply to gifting.

Giving a gift that’s relevant to your recipient says, “you get me.”  When that deeper level of connection is made, loyalty drastically increases; clients and employees stay with you up to 3 times as long.

Before you give, take the time to think about your recipient.  Choose a gift that relates to who they are and what they need to feel valued and appreciated.

Rule #4:  Hoops Are for Slam Dunks

Ask any basketball player, and they’ll tell you that hoops are for slam dunks, not for jumping through. And your recipients feel the same about the gifts you give them.

For the love of all things worth giving, never ask your recipients to choose their own gift.  (Yes, it’s been done, and it’s a relationship killer!)

Think about it…

Making a Blue choose their own gift will cause them to immediately question your integrity.  Once that happens, you’re out.  Gone. Hasta la vista, baby! Relationship?  What relationship?

For Whites, it won’t make sense.  “Why bother?” will be their thought.  Back to the cave, Batman.  This relationship is going nowhere!

Reds?  Hah!  Congratulations. You’ve just confirmed they really are smarter and better than you.  Now they neither want nor need you. Ciao!

Yellows… hmmmm… Yellows may be the only ones you can get to play.  At first, they’ll think it’s fun.  Then they’ll realize it was your way of taking the easy way out, and they’ll soon move on to someone who truly values and cares about them.

Remember… hoops are meant for slam dunks, not jumping through.

Rule #5:  Relationship is in the Details

The most important thing you can do to strengthen your relationship is make your recipient feel special.  How do you do that?

It’s in the details.

No matter what your recipient’s Color Code is, nothing tells them you value and appreciate them more than giving a gift that’s been carefully and intentionally curated just for them.

From their favorite flavored coffee and keto-friendly snack to the dog biscuits added in for Max, tailoring a gift specifically for them will strengthen your relationship. Every. Time.

With all of this said, don’t overthink it.  Truly bad gifts are rarely given.  And, unless your gift is wildly inappropriate, your recipient will still feel a level of value and appreciation.

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Twila Kaye is a Certified Color Code Trainer and leading Humanologist.  As the founder of LimeLily — a professional gifting service — she combines Science+Soul to create a more personal world, one gift at a time.  She has been featured in numerous publications and podcasts and has enlightened audiences at Tech Con, ARMA East & Midwest, AIIM International, and a host of other well-attended conferences. Twila and her husband, Paul live in Waco, Texas, where they enjoy serving their community through the American Legion and Business Network International (BNI).

What is a Deadline Anyway?

I work in Human Resources.  It’s important for our employees to know if we are in the office when they come to the department with questions. The admin of our department (a purist Blue) sets up a weekly meeting reminder for us to submit our calendar for the following week to her by Thursday morning at 8:30 AM.  Seems simple, right?  The question really is, when is the deadline?

We have three of the four of the color personalities represented in our department.  The majority of us are Blue personalities.  This makes sense, given Blue’s natural talent to serve others.  Many of us think the calendar is silly, but we do what the admin requests. Well, some of us do.

What I find interesting is how important this calendar is to her and the random value that is assigned to it by the different color personalities.  

The Blue personalities submit it ahead of the deadline. Personally, I send it Wednesday afternoon.  It’s one of the tasks I do before I leave for the day on Wednesday.  If I happen to forget and send it Thursday morning before 8:30, I feel late and apologize to her for the delay.  On the off chance that I miss it totally, I get an email from the admin, and feel as though I was called to the principal’s office.

The White personalities in the group see no reason to submit their calendar and be beholden to others in that way.  They like their independence and feel that no one needs to know where they are every day. 

This is somewhat true of the Yellow personalities as well.  “No one needs to know where I am. I’m here somewhere,” said one of my yellow team members.    

Their opinions manifest differently than the White personalities, who show up blank on the calendar. The Yellow personalities hand in their info at the last minute, because they know it annoys the controlling Blue.

The problem originally occurred with a bright, sparkly Yellow in our department.  She knew the deadline was 8:30 and would submit her calendar closer and closer to the deadline.  First it was 8:15, then 8:20, then 8:29 AM.  

This infuriated our admin, the Blue personality.  When she confronted the Yellow co-worker, the Yellow personality said, “The deadline is 8:30 and 8:29 is before 8:30, so I submitted it on time.  It wasn’t late.”  

This was unacceptable to the purist Blue. She ranted to me about how lazy and inconsiderate our co-worker was.  She even tried to get our HR Director to reprimand the Yellow.  He’s a White personality and had no interest in starting conflict over something so small. Clearly, the deadline meant something different to each of the color personalities. 

I tried to help when she vented to me how she needed ALL the schedules on the calendar otherwise it looked bad on her. I said, “I don’t think it looks bad on you.  It simply shows that the person did not send you anything.  Leave it blank, and send the calendar as you would.”  So that’s what she does.  She recently said to me that leaving it blank isn’t working either, because team members send it late and she is re-sending the calendar with corrections.

What is a deadline, really?  In our department, it means different things to different people.  Make sure you are not imposing your definition on others.  If you’d like buy-in from team members, tell them why you are doing something and why you need help.  Tell them why you need this information and what is affected when you don’t get it on time.  Taking 100% responsibility for our communication means working on our part of the communication, too.

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Mary Frances Mika is a Blue who has been facilitating Color Code classes for years. She has a degree in Psychology and has PHR, SHRM-CP, and CPTD certifications.  When she’s not training, Mary Frances connects with her White secondary self by gardening, bird watching, and reading.  She loves to see the impact the Color Code has on her participants.

But What If I Don’t Know THEIR Color?

I’ve been teaching Color Code interpersonal communication workshops for nearly ten years. Early on, I came across a question from a participant for which I thought I had an answer.

“But what if I don’t know THEIR color?  It’s not like everyone has taken the assessment.”

“Well, there’s an addendum to this course called ‘quick-coding.’”

At this point, I transitioned to the quick-coding slides and pointed out the cards that teach some quick-coding strategies. Then the student said, “Yeah, this is a little helpful, but I don’t think it’s fool-proof. What if we get it wrong?”

The whole class delved into a rich discussion inspired by this question. As a group, we had several small ideas, but we also came to one major communication strategy for each color.  I now call those major strategies ‘The One-Tips.’ 

RED:

If you are a primary Red, you likely have a tendency (as I do, since I, myself, am a Red) to focus on what you want to do and what you think and believe, with less regard for others.  This is natural and common for Reds, as we are quick to come to conclusions, confident in our beliefs, ready to make decisions and move forward.  We often have the additional habit of assuming others agree with us if they don’t speak up boldly in disagreement.  We miss out on the wisdom of others, simply because we move a little too quickly.

If you are a primary Red, the one-tip for you, to help you in most situations when you don’t know the color of the other person or people, is to LISTEN FIRST. Allow others space to speak and share their ideas before you speak. Others will appreciate it, and occasionally, you’ll hear a great idea that you may like more than your own.

BLUE:

If you are a primary Blue, you likely care deeply about your work and relationships.  You also likely worry a lot, so you often look for risks and faults, and then focus on them as you worry.  You probably communicate passionately what you believe is right and wrong and may occasionally judge others for their differing opinions. Even if you have learned not to judge others, your passion can be intimidating. Others around you may learn to hold their tongue, because they do not want to deal with your intensity or judgment. 

For you, the Blue, the one-tip is to LOOK FOR WHAT’S RIGHT AND ALLOW OTHERS THEIR OPINIONS.

WHITE:

If you are a primary White, you likely find comfort in allowing others to take the reins. You’re comfortable with their ideas as long as you’re allowed to keep your systems and organizational practices in place. But you often have great ideas of your own; carefully thought-out ideas that took detail and nuance into consideration.  And you often keep those ideas to yourself, because, well, “their ideas will work just fine and who are you to tell others what to do? And anyway, they didn’t ask you.”  If you do this, you are underestimating your value.  You are talented at devising well-considered and thoroughly thought-out plans, strategies, and ideas—and you often have insights that others miss.

If you are a White, the one-tip for you is to SPEAK UP AND SHARE YOUR INSIGHTS.

YELLOW:

If you are a primary Yellow, you bring zeal and zest to life and to those around you. You also have some natural tendencies to do that thing or tell that joke that others may be reluctant to do or say; you see the upside first and the downside later. This attribute makes you fun to be around and your positivity is infectious, but the missteps can come back and get you in the end. You may realize a little too late that you told a joke that makes others uncomfortable, or you acted on an idea that was too far outside the standard operating procedures. 

If you are a Yellow, the one-tip for you is to THINK BEFORE YOU SPEAK AND ACT. (But after you have given your thoughts consideration, keep contributing to your team and to your friends—we love you for just being you.)

So, there you have it. All four of the one-tips.  What is great about them is that when you put them together, they make a comprehensive communication process: 1) Listen first, 2) Look for what’s right and allow others their opinions, 3) Think before you speak and act, and then, 4) Speak up and share our insights.

One of the reasons I love teaching Color Code is that it allows for quickly learnable and actionable lessons, and these four ‘one-tips’ might be the best example.

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Derek Pangelinan is the owner of Derek Rey Consulting, a workplace-culture and leadership development company. He has been teaching Color Code for nine years and has taught teams in large and small organizations, for-profit and nonprofit, and has used it as a coaching tool. You can reach out to Derek at his business email address: Derek@DerekReyConsulting.com

Seeing Myself Through the Eyes of Others

Many of us would be surprised to see how others view us. We have taken the Color Code assessment, and we now know our strengths and limitations, right? It turns out that there is a lot more to it. Color Code measures personality, which is innate. But throughout our lives, we develop strengths and limitations based on our experiences—Character. These behaviors can be both good and bad.

CHARACTER CODE

Character Code, Color Code’s new online assessment, transitions from personality to character development by inviting others to assess us anonymously.

Because I was the project manager for Character Code, it was important for me to test the results. I am sharing those results with you—both the good and the bad.

MY RESULTS

After years of working at Color Code, I’d like to think that I am pretty self-aware. I know my strengths, and I’m painfully aware of my limitations. Still, you will see below, the behaviors I see in myself and those my responders see are quite different.

Strengths

When I completed the Strengths self-evaluation, there were no surprises. My top 3 answers are similar to the results I got when I took the Color Code assessment:

Then I read the group results:

My first thought was, “Do they even know me?” Then I had to step back and admit that this is HOW they know me.

The top of the list—detail conscious—is a Blue strength I’ve often wished I possessed. As with most Reds, I am a big-picture type of person and rely on others for the details—to fix the many mistakes I make in my haste to get things done. It surprises and flatters me to think that others see this strength in me. It also heartens me to see the strengths of other colors that I so admire.

Limitations

When it came to limitations, I got emails from my respondents saying, “I don’t want to do this.” It is never fun to have people point out the limitations they see in us, but it’s equally difficult for the respondent. I assured them that the assessment was completely anonymous, and their answers were vital to my personal growth.

As with the strengths, my self-assessment results weren’t a surprise.

The group results surprised me:

Again, my responders see very different behaviors than I do. While it heartened me to see the strengths of other DCMs (Driving Core Motives), I am disheartened to see the limitations from different colors—not to mention my own Red DCM.

It is human nature to be defensive—to go to that person and ask, “Why?” but, even as the project manager, my responders are entirely anonymous. I must take their answers as they are presented and acknowledge that anonymity allowed them to answer truthfully.

Often, without our knowledge, our behaviors cause harm simply because we are unaware of the impact they have on others. We now have the opportunity to find out and make essential changes.

Let’s go over the top 3.

Always right. I am not always right. In fact, I’m not right a lot of the time. I am not in denial nor being defensive. Yet, because of my blunt Red nature of communicating, I acknowledge that I create the perception that I am ‘always right.’

Example

Greg was working on a project that I found intriguing.

Looking over his shoulder, I asked, “Why are you doing it that way?”

Immediately his defenses came up, and he asked, “What way do YOU want me to do it?”

By wording it the way I did, it sounded like a challenge—as if I knew the right way—when, in fact, I didn’t even have a ‘way.’ I was just curious.

I should have said, “That is so interesting. Will you show me what you are doing?”

By changing the way I asked the question, I would have turned a negative into a positive. Greg would have felt pride in his work rather than the anger my question generated, and I would have had my curiosity satisfied.

Perfectionist. This one gave the Color Code editors a laugh. If they had filled out the assessment for me, it would not be on the list. In my haste to get things done and move on, I miss a lot of simple errors. In fact, my mother used to have a saying that has become my mantra: “It’s nothing you’d notice from a galloping horse.”

I am very particular about some things, but I think that would fall into the ‘obsessive’ category rather than perfectionism.

Still, I am viewed that way to the extent that it is number two on my list. Based on the ‘Unrealistic Expectations’ answer, I have concluded that others feel I expect perfectionism. Once again, it has everything to do with communication and perception.

Note: Perfectionism is a limitation because it can be mentally debilitating, and I am not making light of it. See https://blog.colorcode.com/?s=perfectionism

Intimidating. The definition of intimidating is: Having a frightening, overawing, or threatening effect. While I would hope that this respondent is in awe of me, I have to assume that they have been frightened or felt threatened by me because it’s in the Limitations category. This response has affected me more than the others. Intimidation causes problems in relationships both at home and in the workplace. Simply put, intimidation is bullying—and I do not want to be a bully.

As for the rest of the responses, as hard as it is to see them, I know they are honest responses, and I have to own them.

TAKE-AWAY

Moving forward, I have a checklist of areas I need to work on—those I know and those presented to me. By being conscious of how others view me, I can make positive changes to enhance my personal and professional relationships.

My first action item is to work on my communication skills. Clearly, my respondents see me in a vastly different way than I feel. I don’t want to always be right. I want to learn from those around me. I don’t want others to feel I expect them to be perfect because I’m not perfect. I especially never want to intimidate and be thought of as a bully.

By changing the way I communicate with others based on their needs and wants rather than my own, I am convinced that I can fix these perceptions.

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Teresa Glenn has been working with the Color Code since 2006, where her main focus is product development. She has been in the publishing and product development field for over 20 years. Teresa is a core Red with a strong Yellow secondary.

To learn more about Character Code and the accompanying workshop Decoding the Colors of Leadership, talk to your employer or contact a trainer near you.

Find a trainer:

https://www.colorcode.com/cc_trainers/

 

Reds: Making Emotional Deposits is a Logical Action

Recently, the Color Code team was challenged with this scenario:

“I am a Red…I live with my husband and daughter who are both true Blue. They love to sit around and ‘complain’ about everything and anything…it drives me crazy! Always sounds like they are negative, but they say they are not. On the other hand, I love a good debate…I call enlightening conversation, they think I want to argue all the time, but I just like swapping ideas! How do we enjoy each other’s style of conversation without frustration?!”

As a Red daughter with a Blue mother, this scenario connected. I’m convinced my late father was a Red too, so when we had our “conversations,” mom thought she needed to referee the fight! What fight?!  Which brings me to point number one: Intent vs. Impact. As Reds, we want to keep in mind what we perceive as a “healthy” conversation or debate can be perceived as conflict for those around us. Our intent might be to make a point or to get an issue fleshed out, but the impact could be discord, discomfort and seen as a personal challenge by others. My mother was seeing the “conversation” as a “fight” versus it just being some natural banter between my father and I. We didn’t need a referee (most of the time), but other parties sure did!

Just this week I was having an informal conversation with a friend, who is a Blue. When I shared the above scenario, she became engaged and began looking at the emotional angle. Point number two is: Listen to the Blue. I respect this person. I stopped my immediate reaction and realized I could gain additional content for my blog. Reds — we get each other. So, give me one more minute, and I’ll get to the logical action.

My friend suggested a scenario of this Red taking her family on a trip. What if instead of an agenda that includes learning, always taking action, and finding active challenge (while garnering the best bang for the buck), this Red thought about the memories that could be made? The interpersonal trust-building and opportunity for downtime and dialogue do not always easily occur in our busy lives. What if the trip could logically be about making emotional bank deposits that give a return on investment, leading to a stronger family unit? Less aggravation? Score! 

What does the Blue team get? The emotional connection. Good, positive memories, and even if good plans went awry, the Blue was able to observe the actions of the Red in keeping the pace going and moving forward. We all know the “best plans”…but even when a plan isn’t perfect, it can still be effective and achieve the end goal. When the Blue and Red can connect this way, it helps for future dialogue. The Red can know that the Blue isn’t always “complaining,” but rather doing a conversation replay, analyzing a problem, etc. The Blue can know that the Red isn’t necessarily debating for the sake of challenge, but rather to distill the information to an action plan and end goal.

Point number three: As Reds, we want control and action. Tie in the Blue’s need for control and high-quality with a reticence to act until things are perfect, and you have a potential recipe for disaster. But, there is also the potential for amazing results and increased relationship strength. How? Develop mutual respect.

The bottom line (every Red must say that regularly, right?) is that when the Reds know the Blues respect them and seek to understand their style, and the Blues sense that the Reds appreciate them and know they are endeavoring for connection and appreciation, there is the ability to work from each other’s strengths (superpowers) rather than staying in a cycle of frustration. 

Now, let’s give a nod to our friend Reality. What if the situation discussed is truly stressful? Point number 4: This is where a solid knowledge of each individual’s secondary color becomes very powerful. As a primary Red with a strong Blue secondary, I can be a bag of contradictions if I am not self-aware and bringing the source of my stress to the front of my mind. By calling out the stressor in front of me, I become a strong, solid Red again. And, by utilizing the empathy and gifts of my primary Blue friends and family, I remember what it is like to be driven more by emotion than logic. I neutralize my limitations.

So, back to that family where the Red wants a “healthy discussion,” and her Blue family wants to focus on the emotion and challenges. By understanding which angle each person is coming from, their issues can be dealt with — for all parties. For example, the neighbor needs help mowing the grass while they are in the hospital.  Done. That Red will organize and take action (keeping the Blue from thinking about the best day to mow, what about the temperature, do they like their yard mowed at a certain angle…Blues —  I know I’m hitting your spots right now!) The Blue can think about an additional consideration, such as picking up the neighbor’s mail, providing a welcome home meal, ensuring the plants are watered with care, etc.

Point number five: When there is mutual respect and a drive to exhibit good character, this color combination does not have to look like a Red/Blue = purple bruise. It can become a superpower combination that can discover what is going on by assessing the situation (within healthy boundaries), developing an action plan and digging into getting real things done.

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Kelly L. Knowles is an inner-leadership coach who helps her corporate clients and individual professionals discover, develop and dig into their innate potential©. She uses her Red/Blue combo to create interactive custom workshops that provide a return on investment for clients that is immediately realized. Kelly has been a Color Code trainer since 2017, when she announced to her husband at an event, “I’m a Red, you’re a White, and this explains everything!” You can reach her at: www.kellyknowles.net.

Embracing Your Secondary Color

I was raised by a mom who is about as Blue as they come. She plans family events months (or even years) in advance, she is easily moved to tears, and she is passionate about her relationships. What throws me for a loop, though, is her secondary color is Yellow. Blues and Yellows are complementary opposites (emphasis on OPPOSITES), so it’s a combination that is hard for me to grasp. But something my mom always says, which is so true, is that her Yellow really shines through when she is on vacation. 

One of my mom’s favorite things to do on vacation is to rent bikes and ride along the beach, park, mountain trail, or wherever it is we are. I have a memory of one family vacation to California when we were on a bike ride and my mom began riding in a “no biking” zone. My dad pointed out the sign to her, and she just playfully stuck her tongue out at him and kept going. She’s normally a rule follower, but if it gets in the way of her fun, she’s willing to break them. 

It’s pretty rewarding as a daughter to see my hard-working, dedicated Blue mom become so relaxed and goofy on vacation. I think it’s so healthy that she gives up her “Blue card” once in a while and really leans into her Yellow secondary. It gets me thinking about how we all have secondary colors we draw strengths from, so maybe we should all take a vacation from our primaries once in a while when they are not serving us and learn from something different. 

But how do we do that? The idea sounds nice, but it’s not easy to shed some of our lifelong habits, especially when they meet a need our driving core motive creates. For example, I am a Blue primary, and it can be very hard for me not to be controlling over my family/household, even though my strong White secondary shows that I also have tendencies to be tolerant and balanced. But I believe in change, and I believe that lasting change can come through baby steps. So my challenge to all of us is to pick just one character limitation we struggle with in our primary color and then to try to counteract it by drawing from a strength we have from our secondary color for one week. Then, and this part might be hard for some of us, (Yellows, I’m looking at you 😉 ) try journaling about your experience. Notice and write about the situations in your daily life that you struggle with this particular limitation and then implement and write about how your strength helped you through those situations. And, of course, we at Color Code would love to hear about your experiences, so please drop a comment below! To help you get started, here is a list of some of the strengths and limitations of each personality type. You may not resonate with every one of them, but hopefully some of the information will be helpful. Good luck with your endeavors! We believe in you!

Typical Yellow Strengths:

 

  • Fun-loving
  • Persuasive
  • Carefree 
  • Insightful
  • Flexible
  • Trusting
  • Spontaneous
  • Happy
  • Charismatic
  • Sociable 

 

Typical Yellow Limitations:

 

  • Uncommitted
  • Self-centered
  • Disorganized
  • Impulsive
  • Undisciplined
  • Vain
  • Afraid to face facts
  • Inconsistent
  • Unfocused
  • Interrupter

 

Typical Blue Strengths:

 

  • Compassionate
  • Sincere
  • Loyal
  • Thoughtful
  • Analytical
  • Caring
  • Intuitive
  • Detail-conscious
  • Dependable
  • Deliberate

 

Typical Blue Limitations:

 

  • Self-righteous
  • Judgmental
  • Easily depressed
  • Controlling
  • Unforgiving
  • Suspicious
  • Irrational 

 

Typical White Strengths: 

  • Tolerant
  • Patient
  • Cooperative
  • Accepting
  • Objective
  • Balanced
  • Excellent Listener

 

Typical White Limitations:

 

  • Indecisive
  • Unmotivated
  • Silently Stubborn
  • Unexpressive
  • Avoids Conflict
  • Uninvolved

 

Typical Red Strengths:

 

  • Loyal to tasks
  • Committed
  • Visionary
  • Logical
  • Leader
  • Focused
  • Responsible

 

Typical Red Limitations:

 

  • Proud (arrogant)
  • Insensitive
  • Poor at listening
  • Tactless
  • Rebellious
  • Critical of others
  • Impatient

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Megan Christensen is a Blue who has been writing her feelings for as long as she can remember. Megan graduated from BYU-Idaho in 2014 with a degree in communication. A lifelong fan of the Color Code, she’s thrilled to be the content editor of the blog and hopes to help as many people as possible become more self-aware. When she’s not writing, Megan can be found reading, doing yoga, and spending as much time as she can outdoors.

A Two-Blue Parent Family (And Our Three Children — Yellow, Blue and White)

First Off, The Two Blue Parents — A Bit Of History

We met about 40 years ago and got acquainted by way of introduction.

My friend mentioned to me that there was this girl…so off I went with him on this girl-finding mission.

We met and got to know each other better, finding over the course of a few short visits that we had a lot of common interests.

She was from Eastern Canada, and I from the West, some 1600 or so miles apart. Feeling homesick, she decided to go back to her Eastern stomping grounds.

I let her go without much being said or done to prevent her from going back.

Of course, letter writing was part of the deal, but it worked only so well as I dropped the ball and only managed to send one of the letters I had written. 

Being a perfectionist, I decided I wasn’t doing so well in my writing of letters, so most of them went into the garbage.

About two years later, she came back out West and was staying only two hours away. Her sister told her to phone me. She did and asked if I would like to see her. I told her to come, and we can meet again. We picked up like nothing had changed.

Two weeks and thirteen diamonds later, we were engaged. Two months later, we were married. Three years in, we became parents of our first child (we didn’t know about the Color Code yet). 

Blue Parenting Without Knowing So Until Later

It’s a boy, and he was born in the Eastern stomping grounds of my wife’s past. We had moved there after homesickness had hit her again.

We began to raise our son and could see early on that fun was his M.O.

Anything that was fun was what attracted him.

As he grew up, his need for fun and friends was so great, and this, although quite fascinating to us, was a bit exhausting for us and a bit perplexing, because he was not easy to discipline. If we took something away from him we felt would matter to him and help him come to terms with our direction, he just moved on and found fun through some other means, therefore our desired impact was rendered virtually useless.

Reigning him in to complete his assignments or chores of any kind became a defeated task, as we Blue parents expected so much more than he could personally give. By this time, we were in the know about the Color Code and began to understand better. Life was a lot easier and more exciting.

Upon reflection after all the years and their unknowns, we have a very well-grounded Yellow son as an adult, so we have to believe that we have done a good job of raising him. A big part of this came as a result of using the Color Code to teach and understand one another.

We have adjusted as Blues to understand him better, and he as a Yellow has aligned with our Blue personalities very well and is a treasure in life to so many in our circles.

A Few Years Later, We Enjoy a Beautiful Daughter

We really had a blessing added to our life here as we had a Blue personality daughter who responded very well to any bumping and steering we provided along the way.

The connection is huge to this day, and relating is never too far off in our thinking and actions.

As a little girl, her artistic abilities and pride that comes with doing great art was brought to my attention by her little smile and, “Come see what I did, Daddy”  request…and a trip around the other side of our new Suburban.

Once around to see her art on the side of the vehicle slightly etched into the clear coat, I, although a bit taken aback, had to smile, yet be serious enough to make a point, when I calmly said to her, “It looks great!” Then I proceeded to ask her, “What do we say about writing on the walls in the house?” She replied that, “We don’t do that,” and I replied, “This is like the walls.” Her response was a simple, “OK, Daddy.” I knew to handle it from a state of alarm and a huge, lengthy reprimand would have crushed her.

As she grew, and I as a dad wanted to guide her for her safety in life, I have to admit that I could go on with every angle of every topic we addressed for a long time. I didn’t want my point to be missed in any way, so if I felt I was getting the “deer in the headlights look,” I was on it from a different angle.

This was true with all my children; however, my beautiful Blue daughter decided to leave during one of my lengthy worries being expressed yet another way, and I was left figuring out what just happened. I am pleased I had enough insight to let it be and believe it was not out of disrespect.

Her short letter was an eye-opener for me…she understood. This letter set the stage for better parenting for all my children and connection with their friends. It mellowed my Blue personality reactions a lot.

Blessed With Our Agreed Gift — Our Third — A Daughter

White as Yoda.

Whenever we got into a discussion that she really felt the need to address, I could tell I was to be bested regardless of the topic of concern. 

It wasn’t a power struggle so much as it was a digging in by my White personality daughter who felt beyond a doubt she had to be heard and understood.

She was very easy to raise and so calm in nature it oozed out of her; however, as a young adult, if she needed to set things straight to realign her life in our Blue personality minds so she could reset that calm over the present issue, she was by far the most challenging.

We had to let it go most of the time and trust that for the most part she had the foundation of good judgement and things would work out well — and things have.

Although all our children increased our friendship base, our White personality daughter brought us into new relationships the most, as she was a natural connector with the patience to bring people together for meaningful events.

Here We Are Now, Beyond the Raising of Our Three Children

As Blue personality parents, we have learned a lot from raising our three children with three different personalities and are so grateful for their education through life. They have taught us in so many ways how to successfully meet the differences we all have as a direct result of our DCMs (driving core motives).

All our children add so much value to our lives and the differences in personalities really are a blessing that is also the spice in our interactions.

Knowing how their personalities work helps so much in knowing where they are coming from and vice versa. This ‘enables’ our relationships that could otherwise be cause for discontent. We have everything to be thankful for in using the Color Code to develop our deeper understanding and appreciation for each other.

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Ron Preston has owned and operated nine different businesses in a design remodeling, restoration, and retail background. Through the years of working with people, Ron is convinced this is one of the most effective tools in the personality growth science available. Ron has been working with  Color Code for over 14 years. He studies human behavior and writes for different forums and trains on a person-to-person basis. You may contact him by email at brkscc@telusplanet.net.

Returning to the New Normal

It goes without saying that 2020 was a year that we won’t ever forget, but there is now some light at the end of the tunnel. The question is, after a year of fear, grief, and solitude, how will we handle a new normal?  

Now, halfway into 2021, we see some light at the end of the long, dark tunnel. Many of us are apprehensive, asking ourselves what that light brings. What is the new normal?

THE NEW WORKPLACE

For some of us, it’s time to put away the PJs and sweats, squeeze into our office attire, and head back to the brick and mortar of our jobs. For others, it’s possible that your company has embraced the idea of remote working and plans to continue the policy. According to a survey by Enterprise Technology Research (ETR), the percentage of workers permanently working from home is expected to double in 2021.

What does that mean for you?

If you are a Red or White personality, you are probably more than okay with continuing to work remotely. Reds are productive, and Whites are self-regulated. You are happy to be away from office politics and are content to stay home. Because you are so task-focused, you might send your first email at 6am and your last at midnight. Be sure to make time for yourself. Pick a time to log off and take care of your needs. The emails can wait.

If you do go back to the office, you will do well to remember you no longer have a mute button that allows you to make snide comments in a meeting. So it’s time to brush up on your people skills.

If you are a Blue or Yellow personality, the office setting might be preferable if given a choice. You thrive on relationships and social interaction with your coworkers. Being a part of an in-person team, rather than the less-satisfying online meetings, motivates you.

If your job is now officially remote, allow for your need of others. Blues might want to cultivate a relationship with a mentor or coach available to listen when you feel the need to talk through work issues. Yellows will need to focus on discipline. Make lists of tasks that need to be accomplished, set deadlines, and reward yourself with social time only after completing the job.

NEW SOCIAL NORMS

Mask mandates are lifted, many of us have been vaccinated, and the world is slowly opening up to us. However, the year 2020 has instilled new behaviors in us. We no longer shake hands, we instinctively stand 6 feet apart, and we panic a little when we hear someone cough. So how will we handle our re-emergence?

Reds, by nature, don’t need that people connection as much as others. So you have been content to go on solo adventures away from the crowds. It’s time now to start allowing people back into your life. Be patient with the comfort level of others. Allow them to set the rules of engagement.

Blues are more tentative. You are the ones who followed the rules. You made sure you had plenty of hand sanitizer and masks if you had to venture out. Now you might be distrustful of your fellow humans. Still, you need to finally hug the loved ones you have been so fiercely protective of. Take baby steps. Do what makes you feel safe.

White personalities won’t notice much of a difference, except now your friends won’t accept excuses. The pandemic has given you a reason to become reclusive. Still, it’s time to change, or you run the risk of it becoming a lifelong pattern.

Let’s face it. Yellows were the least likely to have followed the “letter of the law” when it came to restrictions. The best part of the country opening up is the places you’ll go and the people you’ll see. Gone are the outfit-matching masks. Remember to be aware and respectful of the obstacles some of us still face. Not everyone is as impatient as you to return to normal activity.

We have all had our own unique reactions to the past year. How we adjust to the new normal is a personal choice. Take care to move at your own speed and with what makes you comfortable. 

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Teresa Glenn has been working with the Color Code since 2006, where her main focus is product development. She has been in the publishing and product development field for over 20 years. Teresa is a core Red with a strong Yellow secondary.