Author: teresa.glenn

Ask the Expert

Dear Jeremy,

Personally, I don’t consider myself a “RED”; however, when I see that my red is 34.7% and my Blue is 34.09% (.61% difference) then what does that make me? I mean if I’m equally a red and blue then should I be aware of the Blue-Red, Blue-Blue, Blue-Yellow, and Blue-White relationships?

Thank you for your consideration.

George

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Dear George,

Thank you so much for submitting your questions. Without a doubt, you have a VERY strong and extremely close Secondary Color to consider. There are definitely some insights that I have for you both in determining with certainty your Core Color and in understanding how your Secondary Color will affect you in a couple of different ways. I’m going to do this in outline form for you so that it will be easier to reference these comments in the future.

1) Everybody has one, and ONLY one, Driving Core Motive.

In a case like yours, you also have an extremely close secondary Color, but it is not possible to be two colors equally, or to be a “purple” for instance. Your first step here should be in determining which is the Core Color, and which is the Secondary Color.You said you don’t consider yourself a Red – and that may very well be true. In your case, with the percentages being as close as they are between the primary and secondary Colors, one question answered differently could flip your results the other way around. Keep reading, and I’ll show you how to look at this a little more objectively.

2) Your Driving Core Motive is far more significant than your Secondary Color.

Even if the percentages are close, your Core Color is quite a bit more significant to you than your Secondary Color. Dr. Hartman says that where self-awareness and building relationships is concerned, being in touch with your Core Color is like a human being understanding how to breathe. It’s that essential! Understanding the Secondary Color, he adds, is like a human being learning how to walk. Yes it’s very important and will affect the way that you experience life, but it is not nearly as critical to your success as breathing would be!

3) Tips to determining which is the Core Color and which is the Secondary.

You are the ultimate barometer here, truthfully. There are a couple of tips that I will share with you here, but ultimately you will feel that one of these two Colors (Red or Blue) feels more like “home” to you and is therefore your Core Color. The other will probably feel quite comfortable as well – like a nice hotel room – but not quite as comfortable as truly being at home.

That said, you should consider what your “knee jerk reaction” is to everyday situations. Is your instinct to take the Red approach or the Blue approach? Sometimes your instinct make you want to go one direction, and then you decide to move in the direction of your Secondary Color because you’ve trained yourself to do so to achieve a certain result. If you pay attention to the natural reaction, though, you may start to see your Core Color more clearly.

One of the best ways to determine this is to learn more about the Color Code. If you were to participate in a Color Code Workshop or even listen to our 6-CD Seminar Series, it would probably become very clear to you which the Core Color is versus the Secondary Color.

Another thing to check is the strengths and limitations list available on your Comprehensive Analysis report. It is in Section 2 located right below the pie chart showing how you scored in all four Colors. There, we plot out for you all of the traits that you indicated on the assessment so that you can see what Color category they come from and whether they are strengths or limitations. The trick here is to look at the limitations column, because typically (though this isn’t 100% fool-proof) the column with the greatest number of limitations ends up being your Core Color.

The last suggestion I have for you if those ideas still aren’t working for you would be to take our Character Code Assessment. On that assessment you answer the questions based on what you are mostly like today, and even though it’s objective is not to determine your Core Color, sometimes you will see some patterns emerge (again – usually in the limitations section) that will make this clearer to you.

4) Pros and Cons of the Secondary Color.

Now I would like to turn my attention to the advantages and disadvantages of the Secondary Color. Before I do, however, it would be good to note that to determine whether somebody has a Secondary Color, we look at whether an individual has scored 66.67% or more in any one Color Code category. If they have, we consider them to be a “Purist”, which is somebody who doesn’t really have a significant Secondary Color. If they score lower than the 66.67% mark in their Core Color, they probably have a Secondary Color. Over 75% of the population shows a Secondary Color score.

The up-side to having a Secondary Color is that development within that Color comes a little easier than it would for others. For example, if you are Red Core with a Blue Secondary and you are not naturally detail-oriented (a strength common to Blues), you might find that you have an easier time learning that skill than somebody else would who has very little Blue in their profile. The reason why is that you already “speak the language” of Blues to a degree. You understand where they are coming from and how they might approach things. That makes the development flow a little more naturally for you.

The drawback to having a Secondary Color are the the limitations can be extremely damaging to you and your relationships.

It’s a funny phenomenon, but others are far more inclined to overlook – and be forgiving – of limitations you display from your Core Color than they are from your Secondary. And that’s whether they know the Color Code or not!

People just seem to get a sense of each other. They can accept or even dismiss limiting behavior from your Core Color, because at least it seems congruent – or natural – from someone with your unique personality. However, when you act out of a limitation from outside of your Core Color, others feel offended, put off, or generally suspicious of you. It makes them want to take a step back and not be as willing to connect with you out of the uncertainty of whether they will be dealing with Dr. Jekyll or Mr. Hyde.

The difficulty for the person with a strong Secondary Color, of course, is that you may flow into those Secondary Color limitations so naturally that it doesn’t seem like a change of direction in the slightest way to you. Others, however, will notice it, and may not accept the shift at all. That is precisely why you need to be aware of the limitations associated with that Secondary Color so that you can keep those behaviors in particular in check.

5) Relationships and Conclusion.

To better understand each of your relationships (as you asked in the second part of your question), you should first seek to understand which is your Core Color. From there, and understanding of how the Secondary Color impacts those relationships is also important.I would encourage you to make a list of the following insomuch as they impact your relationships:

A) What are your top 3 strengths in your Core Color?

B) What are your worst 3 limitations in your Core Color?

C) What are your top 3 strengths in your Secondary Color? (Those will feel like a great, unexpected “bonus” to others.)

D) What are your worst 3 limitations in your Secondary Color? (Those may be damaging your relationships more than you realize.)

Thank you, George, for taking the time to ask the question. I probably gave you a little more than you bargained for here, but I felt it would be to your benefit and the benefit of our other subscribers as well to understand a little more about Secondary Colors.

Very best of living,

Jeremy Daniel
Training Director
Color Code International

 


JeremyDanielJeremy Daniel (Core Color: Yellow) has been working with the Color Code since 1998 in various capacities from training in the field personally with Dr. Taylor Hartman to designing customized corporate solutions and new training programs for various industries.  To ask about Jeremy’s training or speaking services, please email and inquiry to jeremy@colorcodetraining.com.

 

Test Yourself–The Color of US Presidents

Last year, we had fun asking you to quick code the personalities of Thomas Jefferson, Andrew Jackson, John F. Kennedy and George HW Bush. We thought we’d keep the tradition going.

This year, in honor of President’s day, we are digging deeper. Lets see how well you do with quick coding from the little snippets about the following presidents:

Washington

George Washington was a great leader. He had enormous discipline and confidence. After leading the country to victory in the Revolutionary war, he didn’t stick around to take credit, but bid his troops goodbye and headed home to Mount Vernon.

_______________________

Lincoln

Abraham Lincoln entered [the presidency] as the victim of a grave delusion. Abraham Lincoln was a genial, quiet, essentially peaceful man, trained in the ways of the bar and the stump, he fully believed that there would be no civil war, — no serious effort to consummate Disunion.
–Horace Greeley in Recollections of a Busy Life

_______________________

Arthur

Chester Authur, was flamboyant and liked to be the center of attention. He had strong and overly developed sense of entitlement, believing that he deserved to be successful and have the best. He was single-minded, and selfishly persuasive.

Coolidge

Calvin Coolidge, nicknamed “Silent Cal” for his quiet, steadfast and frugal nature,  cleaned up the rampant corruption of the Harding administration and provided a model of stability and respectability for the American people in an era of fast-paced modernization.

_______________________

Truman

Harry Truman was was supremely confident of his own judgment. He acted boldly, and decisively. Once he made a decision, he forgot about it and went on to something else. He was earnest, incorruptible, and blunt in speech.

_______________________

Nixon

Richard Nixon described himself as an introvert in an extrovert’s job. A loner, Nixon relied greatly on his own intelligence. Glad-handing and pressing the flesh did not come naturally or congenially to him. When closely observed, he always seemed somehow ill at ease.

_______________________

Bush

George W Bush will be remembered for what he’s like: a fast-moving, upbeat Texan. He dished out nicknames to world leaders, and even gave the German chancellor an impromptu, perhaps unwelcome, neck rub. He stayed optimistic in even the most dire circumstances, but teared up in public. He has little use for looking within himself.

_______________________

 

Have fun, and happy President’s Day. CC

 

 

Staying Hitched to the Marriage Carriage

Frank Sinatra crooned, “Love and marriage. They go together like a horse and carriage.” Statistically, that means that 50 percent of horses are sans carriage. What is it that the other 50 percent have that keeps them hitched? Experts agree that there are many tips to help your marriage.

While no expert, I have been married to the same man for over forty years. Along the way, I’ve picked up a few sage truths:

Treat Your Spouse with RESPECT

A friend said, “I wish my husband would treat me as well as yours treats you. He worships the ground you walk on.” This after slamming the phone down, and yelling at her husband to come and fix the #&!%@*% car. I thought to myself, “If I treated my husband that way, he wouldn’t worship the ground I walk on!”

Reds: Do not criticize or contradict your spouse in public. You’ll be tempted to highlight your superior intelligence, but do resist.

Blues: You have a tendency to be judgmental. Nobody likes to hear that they do things wrong over and over again. Lower your Blue standards.

Whites: Do not show how bored you are if your spouse is ranting about something important to them, no matter how trivial you may find it.

Yellows: You are fun to be around most of the time. Unless your spouse is also a Yellow, they will need occasional breaks from your exuberance.

Don’t Try to Change Your Spouse

I once believed that in order to have a perfect marriage, my husband and I needed to have a lot in common. I tried to like sports, particularly golf, and he pretended to appreciate all the art at the festivals I dragged him to. We both soon realized that it was more fun to be with someone who really shared the same passion for our interests. He found a few golf buddies, and I found friends who actually like art. We are both content and do not begrudge each other’s time pursuing our interests.

I also decided not to care about how fast he eats, what he’s wearing when we go out, or the fact that purchasing any kind of a gift for me gives him heart palpitations. What he does do is clean off the table when he’s finished eating, compliments me on how I look when we go out, and he brings me coffee in the morning plus treats when he goes to the store…much better.

Reds: Intimidation it will only create friction and resentment. You are not always right.

Blues: Don’t let your perfectionism affect your relationship. Your spouse may have lower (and more realistic) expectations.

Whites: You won’t be the one trying to change your spouse. Don’t procrastinate. Express your feelings.

Yellows: The world doesn’t really revolve around you. Accept that your spouse may not want to do fun things all the time.

Don’t Threaten the D Word

Never threaten divorce, unless you truly want a divorce.

Oftentimes, in the heat of battle, we say hurtful things that cannot be undone. The D word is one of them. The first time you say it has the results you want—to lash out and hurt. But pretty soon it might just lose its effectiveness.

A woman I both love and respect and who is one of the most intelligent women I have had the pleasure to know, was married to a great guy who worked hard and was content in his life. Sadly, she frequently found fault, picked fights, threatened divorce, and threw all his clothes on the lawn for all the neighbors to see. He begged her not to divorce him and did whatever it took to mollify her. After many years of putting up with her behavior, one night, he picked his clothes up off the lawn, left, and never came back. She was shocked and devastated. She didn’t understand.

Reds: Don’t let your volatility get out of control, making you say things in anger that can’t be undone.

Blues: You are overly sensitive and slow to forgive. Be careful what you say and do when in the heat of an argument.

Whites: You will avoid confrontation at all costs, and it could be your undoing. Never leave an argument. The first time you leave won’t be your last.

Yellows: You can be impulsive. Try very hard to control the impulse to say hurtful things during an argument.

Manage Your Expectations

According to Steve Brody, author of “Renew Your Marriage at Midlife,” when he asked a group of people what they expected from marriage, women invariably said they want to be loved, cherished, listened to, cared for, and courted.  Men said, “Bring food and show up naked.”

Are these realistic expectations? Probably not. Still, it illustrates that not only do we all have unique driving core motives, we also have a gender “filter” that has been handed down since hunt/nest cavemen times.

Men: Learn to not discount your spouse’s need for an occasional touch, a genuine thanks, or a much needed compliment. These small gestures will go along way in accomplishing your expectations of food and…

Women: Don’t expect your husband to feel emotion as deeply as you do. Even Blue and Yellow men have the “man” filter that tells them they need to be stoic.

Marriage is a process…a road that your hitched carriage will meander down until you find your way. You may take detours and even occasionally lose your way, but a strong marriage will navigate the trip well, and we hope that the knowledge Color Code offers will help you enjoy the ride that much more. CC

Teresa Glenn has been working with the Color Code since 2006, where her main focus is product development. She has been in the publishing and product development field for over 20 years. Teresa is a core Red with a strong Yellow secondary.

Ask the Expert

Dear Jeremy,Does not the environment I endured as a child sway these results? Who I ultimately was as a child is somewhat different from whom I needed to be for survival. My behavior was not that of a carefree child.

Regards,

Sam

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Dear Sam,

Thanks for asking this excellent question. If you feel like your childhood was negatively impacted in some way (e.g., abuse, trauma, etc.), then yes, you would need to take it from a different perspective.

For most people, the instructions help them achieve the best results. For the smaller percentage of the population with a tumultuous childhood, we recommend taking the assessment differently.

The instructions we give to people in that category are to take the assessment based on the first time of your life where you felt like you were being most natural “you” possible. Meaning, you didn’t have to act a certain way “for survival”, to use your words.

What we are aiming for, ultimately, is for people to be able to identify their nature – not what they’ve become through nurture. The reason we do this is because we are trying to identify your Driving Core Motive, which we believe to be innate and completely intact at birth.

If you felt like the most “natural” version of yourself at 25 or 37, or 94 years of age, that’s where we would start for you because of your own special circumstances.

Thanks again for asking. I hope that makes sense to you.

Very best of living,

Jeremy Daniel
Training Director
Color Code International

 


JeremyDanielJeremy Daniel (Core Color: Yellow) has been working with the Color Code since 1998 in various capacities from training in the field personally with Dr. Taylor Hartman to designing customized corporate solutions and new training programs for various industries.  To ask about Jeremy’s training or speaking services, please email and inquiry to jeremy@colorcodetraining.com.

Blue Parent, Yellow Child

Ah…The joys, trials & tribulations of parenting a yellow. As a very strong blue, my 19-year-old very yellow daughter has been a source of frustration and joy in my life. So anyone who is a parent reading this may ask themselves…”So what’s new about that. Every child, regardless of their color and core motive, brings frustration and joy.” I agree but as a certified Color Code trainer, I know that Yellows are a special challenge for me. They don’t navigate the world the way a Blue thinks they should. Remember, Blues are moralistic and take things seriously. Yellows are sooooo not in to that — way too heavy! As a parent, it’s our job to help our child navigate through life, to tell them the difference between right and wrong, to give advice but a Yellow child receives that dose of reality as a total “downer” and it can have the reverse effect.

Do’s & Don’t to parenting a Yellow

Do embrace their zest for life:  As a strong blue, I secretly admire Ariana’s natural enthusiasm, her positive thinking and her carefree attitude.  As a glass half empty Blue, my natural instinct is to worry and think about what could go wrong. I have to work at letting go of worry and recognizing what I can’t control. This is already engrained in Ariana. She naturally embraces new experiences and loves to learn and be around people. She doesn’t worry herself over things that are out of her control. Like Blues, Yellows are emotion based so we have that in common. She experiences life through emotions – how is this making me feel?  Good, Great (even better!). Okay, I’ll stick around. How is this making me feel? – Bad – I’m out of here!  I’d recommend appealing to their emotions but keep it positive.

Don’t criticize or lecture:  Wow, that’s a tough one as a Blue parent. Your natural inclination is to “advise” your daughter. After all, you’ve lived longer than your child has and know a few things that could spare them some pain. If they would only listen and take your advice.  Yellows, however, see this as criticism or a lecture they must endure. Yellows do not have a long attention span. Give them tasks or chores in bite size pieces. Don’t overwhelm them with a laundry list of to-do’s. Yellows also do not have tolerance for a lecture that points out their faults. No one likes being lectured to but Yellows  have what I call “the flight response.” When Ariana was little and didn’t have the cognitive skill level yet to realize she could run out of a room if she didn’t like what I was saying, she would create a diversion by misbehaving.  It worked to change my focus. As she got in to her teen years, she’d yell and run out of the room screaming. Also very effective.  As with every child, you have to let them experience life and make their mistakes. This is imperative with Yellows though. They have to figure it out themselves. And they will. It’s just hard to watch as a parent.

Love them for who they are: They love themselves so join the party. It’s true. Every Yellow I know, has that innate self-esteem. They are okay with themselves and want you to love them too. C’mon…join in. You’ll have fun, the Yellow says. And you will. I spent 19 years trying to get Ariana to think like me. It’s not working. I approach things very seriously. She approaches them as something she either loves or hates. My worry is she’ll avoid the things she “hates” because her motivation is to have fun all the time. But so far, she hasn’t. She takes on chores and the mundane tasks of life – not necessarily the way I address them – but she gets them done. My ongoing challenge as a mother and a Blue, is to accept that and to trust she will do it. She may not live her life the way I would, but overall, she’ll succeed and have a great time doing it. I’m still a little jealous. CC

 

megan-guidoMegan Guido is the Director of Strategic Initiatives & Marketing at Pullman Regional Hospital. She is a certified Color Code trainer and consults on customer service, the power of generosity, organizational and external communications and marketing. Her email is megan.guido@pullmanregional.org.

 

 

 

One More Resolution Story

EinstienInsanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
-Albert Einstein

When you opened your email every morning this week, how many contained stories and ads touting how with this person’s book, or this company’s equipment, you are guaranteed success for all your New Year’s Resolutions?

This article will tell you the opposite—not because we want you to fail, but because we feel you might be going about it all wrong.

Are Resolutions Made to Fail?

I’m going to quit smoking, and lose weight, and get in shape, and get back in touch with so and so, and…

According to the University of Scranton, Journal of Clinical Psychology only 8% of us is successful in achieving our resolutions. No wonder.

We heap on the goals, in quantities that are unmanageable. If you make a decision to change your habits before you are ready—only as a nod to New Years—you are doomed to failure, and your broken promise becomes yet another habit to be repeated next year.

For example: When a person quits smoking, they eat more to satisfy their oral fixation. If you are truly interested in quitting smoking, why compound the problem by adding a diet to the list?  How long did it take you to develop that smoking habit, or gain those extra pounds? Chances are they are habits that have been with you a long time. Why think that everything can change in a single day with a single declaration?

Reflection

Throw yourself a bone. Before setting your goals for the upcoming New Year, ask yourself what, in 2013, you learned about yourself that you are proud of. Following is a list a friend made:

Things I have learned in 2013:

  • How to play Candy Crush Saga
  • What Duck Dynasty is all about
  • To walk away from people who aren’t good for me
  • To make the best grilled cheese sandwich ever
  • To make the best of whatever life brings me
  • To stop buying stuff I don’t need or have room for
  • That being alone is very satisfying
  • I have the greatest family, friends and neighbors in the world
  • To love myself
  • To be grateful for everything, every person and every pet in my life
  • To take one day at a time
  • Life is short. Enjoy each day as if it was your last
  • To be kinder to people…give more.
  • Pray more

These are all positive, life affirming, learning experiences. Not only did she have fun learning a new game, but she also learned to dig deep and realize that she’s ok alone and loves herself. She is on a charactered path.

Setting Goals

Once you have made an honest assessment of your resolutions and improvements from last year, take the time to sit down and make some realistic goals for next year. Start with one goal at a time. Following is the top ten resolutions published in the University of Scranton, Journal of Clinical Psychology:

  1. Lose weight
  2. Get organized
  3. Spend less, save more
  4. Enjoy life to the fullest
  5. Stay fit and healthy
  6. Learn something new
  7. Quit Smoking
  8. Help others in their dreams
  9. Fall in love
  10. Spend more time and family

So, lets say you want to accomplish 1, 5, 7 and 9 (although, I’m not sure how you can “resolve” to fall in love, unless you’re a Red.)

First, set a priority that makes sense. If #7 is on your list…to quit smoking, you will likely gain a few pounds with the effort, so don’t start with item #1. On the other hand, exercising (#5) will help take your mind off your smoking addiction, and may help you with possible weight gain (#1). Approach your family and ask for their support and encouragement in your effort to quit. Invite them to join you at the gym (#5 and #10), while keeping focused on your number one goal to quit smoking.

Once you are able to check off your first goal, move on to the next. By that time, the rest should be easier.

Take advice from Albert Einstien and don’t go insane repeating the same resolution over and over.

The most important thing when trying to improve yourself, is to find out who you really are, and then strive to be the best you. All the other things will fall into place.

Happy New Year!

Ask the Expert

Dear Jeremy,

Hello there and thank you in advance for your time!

While I completely agree with my Color Code of Yellow, I have a hard time aligning these traits with my Christian beliefs. Would there be a section that speaks of religion and Colors having congruence?

Best,

Manny

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Dear Manny,

First of all, hello to you as well, and thank you for submitting such a wonderful question! I can see how that might be a little confusing.

To answer your question and help you reconcile the differences between your Yellow Core Personality and your Christian beliefs, we need to consider the way that “filters” impact us.

One of the fundamental teachings of the Color Code theory is that you are born with your Driving Core Color intact, and that DCM stays with you throughout your life. You can add strengths (or sadly – limitations) from other Colors, but you can’t completely discard and then change your Core Color.

Once we are born, we, of course, begin to experience different facets of life, and we are exposed to myriad external influences that begin to shape our behaviors, beliefs, values, etc.

We call these external influences “filters,” because they can impact the way that we view ourselves and the way that other people view us as well.

Filters come in all shapes and sizes. The way that we are parented can create a filter, the environment we grow up in can create a filter, abuse can create a filter, and as you mentioned – religion can create a filter as well.

Some filters have the tendency to align with a particular Core Color, and if that Core Color is not the same as your own, you might experience some incongruence (as you mentioned in your question).

Let me give you a few examples. I know a Yellow purist – meaning, he doesn’t have a Secondary Color – who seems 100% Red to everyone around him. If you were to ask him why that is, you would learn that he spent over 20 years in the military, which certainly drilled a very Red mindset into him. He would also tell you that at the end of the day, how much FUN he’s having at work and in life is still the thing he values the most.

Another example of a filter is youth. It seems that from 0 – 18 years old, Yellow is the “in” Color to be. High school is like a Yellow wonderland (as I fondly recall). 🙂

A third example of a filter comes directly from your question – religion – and in this case, Christianity (because different religions would bring different filters of course). I believe that Christianity generally creates a very Blue filter. Serving others, caring, showing compassion, and of course exercising obedience are all very Blue traits.

Of course, you are going to find people with Red, Blue, White, and Yellow Core Motives in the military, in a high school, and in any given Christian church, and some of them will feel more naturally aligned with their environment than others.

That doesn’t mean that those who don’t feel that 100% natural fit are flawed in any way. On the contrary! We have to stop making comparisons to other people and learn to value and celebrate our differences.

Everybody has different gifts, and that’s a good thing. So bring your Yellow self to church next Sunday and use your social skills, your charisma, your friendliness, your love of life and people, your willingness to forgive; and lift others up in a way that only you can!

Thanks again, Manny. I hope this helps.

Very best of living,

Jeremy Daniel
Training Director
Color Code International

Jeremy Daniel (Core Color: Yellow) has been working with the Color Code since 1998 in various capacities from training in the field personally with Dr. Taylor Hartman to designing customized corporate solutions and new training programs for various industries.  To ask about Jeremy’s training or speaking services, please email and inquiry to jeremy@colorcodetraining.com.

Parenting with Color

My fiancé and I are both Red. Her Blue 13 year old son Gabe came home from school yesterday. “I feel depressed.”, he said.

“Ha!”, I quipped, “What do you have to feel depressed over? You don’t even have a life yet!”

“Seriously?!”, Mom chimed in, “Go do your homework and chores!  You don’t have time to stand around being depressed!”

Typical Red responses, right? It’s hard for us to even imagine what being depressed would feel like. It just sounds like annoying whining to us. Later that night, Gabe came in to inform us that he would like to call a family meeting. He has some very serious issues to discuss about his sister and the chores around here that need to be worked out.  “Oh brother,” I thought while sighing and looking over at my fiancé.  “Here we go.” She was rolling her eyes and thinking the same thing I was. We both knew what was coming. Another Blue tantrum/lecture filled with guilt trips about how unfair the chores are dealt out and the injustice of it all.  And about what?  Who feeds the cats?!  I just want to laugh and say, “Dude, what does it take to feed the cats,about 1 minute? You want to have an hour long family meeting over that?  Grow up!”  But, I manage to be nice, keep it to myself and try to act like I’m interested and concerned.

Later that night, as we’re getting ready for bed, I remembered the Color Code.  Maybe that can help. So, we pulled out the Color Code and skimmed through the chapter on Reds and Blues as a guide.

One thing that stood out to us both was the Blue need for appreciation.  It used to be that Gabe was the “good” child.  Always did everything right.  Did well in school.  Always got recognition and praise.  All that changed in the last few months.  Gabe has been struggling with the transition into middle school.  The home work load is tougher.  The social distractions and demands are trickier.  The result?  His younger sister has been stealing the lime light.  She has been getting all the attention and praise of doing so well in school now.  Is that what all this comes down to?  Gabe is not getting enough of the appreciation he craves anymore?

Can it be so simple?  Again, it’s hard for us Red parents to imagine.  We don’t need appreciation.  We do things for the challenge.  To win or just to get things done.  We don’t expect any recognition over it.   I actually feel slightly awkward when I am recognized with appreciation.  I either think, “So what?  It’s just my job.” Or “Alright buddy, what are you trying to get from me now?”  It is hard for me to imagine someone that actually wants that.  With Gabe, I want to say, “So what?  Get over it.  Suck it up.  With all this time you have spent crying about how much homework you have, you could have finished half of it by now!”

An interesting side note here:  Why is he falling behind in his school work?  Because of Blue perfectionism.  He actually does amazing work.  He writes better stories as a 6th grader than most professional adult writers.

So, what did we do?  We began to publicly lavish him with praise and appreciation for all his amazing school work.  We also pointed out and recognized how well he was keeping up with his chores around the house.  I pointed out all the reasons why his story was actually more than good enough to be published.  I also gently suggested to him that it might be a little overkill for his class assignment to write a 2 page short story.  His was 15 pages long with illustrations!   “Not every assignment has to win the Pulitzer Prize in literature.”, I reminded him, “Just enough to get an A on the assignment is just fine.”

Did it work?  Like a charm.  The ‘depression’ disappeared. He is happier. Doing well in school again. The only trouble now is with his sister.  She is a Blue also.  So now she is feeling insecure, depressed and worried about what is wrong with her!  God help us.

 

Barrington,MarshallWhen he is not playing poker or living in his 20’ Sioux tipi in the Rockies, Marshall Barrington lives in a small quiet Swedish town in central Kansas with his family.  He has degrees in Business Administration, Marketing and Psychology.  He trains, hires and manages new insurance adjusters to process claims at catastrophe sites.  He is also a Certified Color Code trainer.  His highly acclaimed classes apply Color Code to specific problems:  Management, Sales, Human Resources, Dating, Marriage, Parenting and a new workshop for Fiction Writers -Using Color Code to create realistic Characters, conflict & dialogue. 

 

 

 

Using Color Code as a Crutch

“Don’t mind me. I’m a Blue…”

I was in a crowded restaurant when I overheard the comment from another table. My first thought was, “Good. People are using the Color Code.” My second thought was, “But the context in which she was using it was as an excuse for her bad behavior.”

It reminded me about the time I was trying to explain to my angry ‘tween granddaughter that she (Red) and her mother (Blue) are both strong and controlling. The relationship will have natural obstacles and she should try to understand her mother’s need to plan, organize and carry out all aspects of her daughter’s life. This is her way of showing love.

She went home that night and told her mother, “Grandma says you are controlling and that I will NEVER get along with you because you’re a BLUE!”

The phone call I got wasn’t pretty. “Did you tell my daughter…?!”

I asked her to put my granddaughter on the phone. After patiently reminding her about the conversation we did have, I put on my best Red voice and said, “Never use the Color Code for evil.”

But how many of us do, in fact, use the Color Code to validate bad behavior? I hear it all the time—even in Color Code corporate office. It’s hard to resist. But, we are doing ourselves, and others a disservice by using Color Code as a crutch.

I was talking to a couple the one night. The topic of kids came up and I asked them how their oldest son, an adult who still lived with them, was doing.

“He’s not working right now,” they said.

“No, he isn’t dating,” they said.

“He’s very quiet, no trouble at all,” they said.

Then in confidential tones, she put her hand to her mouth and with a knowing nod of the head, whispered, “He’s a White”, as though being White was a debilitating medical condition that explained everything.

The truth is most Whites are charismatic, intelligent, inventive, good listeners, great providers, and can be quite sociable in a quiet sort of way. This young man and his parents have blamed his driving core motive for his unhealthy behaviors and accepted it as his lot in life.

I’m guilty of the same. If my son doesn’t pay his phone bill and the service is disconnected, I say, “Oh, that Yellow,” when the truth is, he was irresponsible and shouldn’t get a pass because of his color…not to mention it isn’t fair to Yellows. By making that statement, I, in essence, classified every Yellow is irresponsible, which just isn’t true.

There is no doubt that every color has potential good and bad attributes and knowing them can be extremely helpful—but not life altering. You mustn’t sit around using the fact that you are a particular color as an excuse for all the shortcomings in your life.

Once you recognize that personality is an innate gift, while character is achieved, Color Code provides you with the tools to do something about the bad and create something pretty remarkable with the good. Remember, you are 100% responsible for your personal actions and relationships.

Throw away the crutch and start living the life you really want to live.  CC

 

Teresa Glenn has been working with the Color Code since 2006, where her main focus is product development. She has been in the publishing and product development field for over 20 years. Teresa is a core Red with a strong Yellow secondary.

 

Ask the Expert

Dear Jeremy,

I can tell that I am not being true to my core personality, which is Yellow—motivated by fun. Most people who know me (other than my family) would say that I come across as an extremely White and submissive personality. I have gotten very used to acting this way, but I always feel incomplete and unsatisfied. I have tried to pull out my personality more, but I never seem to succeed. I feel trapped by people’s expectations of how I will act, and I find myself fearing the negative Yellow traits that only come out when I am more comfortable. How can I work through my fears and be true to my core personality and be more satisfied with myself and my life?

Thank you!

Paige

====================

Dear Paige,

It’s good to hear from a fellow Yellow…so let’s talk. Before we do, though, I need to recap, because we have a few different things going on here. From what I understand:

  • You want to let your Yellow “shine” more (as you should!), but you are afraid that if you allow that, your Yellow limitations might embarrass you, or get you arrested.Of course, I’m kidding about that last part… sort of. 😉
  • Your family sees this side of you, but others don’t and you feel trapped by their expectations.
  • You believe that bringing out your Yellow more, you will feel more satisfied with yourself and with life.

First of all, let me just acknowledge that I believe your thinking is right on here. I think that if you are more true to your Core Yellow personality that you will feel more satisfied with yourself and life. I also completely believe that you should proactively look for ways to let your Yellow shine through.

I know that if you do that, you will regain your zest for life and greatly improve your inner happiness. Further, I know that you can do it without being completely trapped by your limitations.

Here are some of my suggestions on what to do.

One of the first things I would look for ways to purposefully be more Yellow. That will break the ice a little so that it’s easier to be more spontaneously Yellow.

I would do this by first making a list of 10 things that you love to do—just for the joy of doing them. As a Yellow, you should know what I mean here. These are things that are not tied to an outcome or a responsibility or an expectation, etc. This is just for fun. So what do you like to do? Go to the beach? Dance? Go to the movies? Play the kazoo? Groom your pet rock? What are they for you?

Make your list of 10 things and then put them in order from your favorite of the ten down. Once you make this list, ask yourself when the last time you did these things was. After you recover from the wave of nausea that passes over you when you realize what you’ve given up, resolve to start doing these things again. Make them a priority. Make them a plan so that they actually happen.

As a Yellow, when you engage in activities that you love to do just for the sake of doing them, you reconnect with your “Fun” energy, and that alone can help you feel like you are coming out of a coma.

Next, you might start feeling like you want to start pulling out your Yellow more in your general relationships. I think you need to consider why it is that you feel comfortable being Yellow with your family, but not outside of the family. Usually it’s because you don’t feel as vulnerable around family. They already know you, they accept you, etc. People outside of family present more of a risk to Yellows, because we really worry about not being liked sometimes.

Sure, we put up a good front like we’re as cool as the other side of the pillow and that any kind of trouble or worry simply rolls off our back. But the truth is that Yellows are much more sensitive than they appear, and are often afraid to share of themselves openly, because they’re afraid of being hurt. Lots of Yellows are like that, so I hope you don’t feel alone in that regard.

I hope that you know that your true friends will not judge you too harshly, or hopefully not at all, as you bring out more of your hidden Yellow side. Those that do are probably not worth your time anyway.

However, it is wise to address your concern about the Yellow limitations. You should probably make a list of the limitations you feel come up—the ones that you specifically worry about being disruptive. Maybe you become obnoxious or turn into an interrupter, or maybe you say inappropriate things. I’m not sure what it is specifically for you, but I would make a list. Next to each Yellow limitation on that list, I would think through specific scenarios where you see yourself falling into that limiting behavior. Once those limitations are in your consciousness, a lot of times, you’ll begin anticipating when they will start to come out so that you can pick an alternate behavior instead.

At the end of each day, I would suggest you do some journaling. Start with your Yellow success moments and then move onto your Yellow limitations appearances. When you take the time to write out your progress and acknowledge your setbacks, it continues to train your mind to move in the direction you want to go.

So, Paige, yes, it will take a little bit of practice and perseverance, but I’m confident that you can definitely get to where you want to be if you implement these strategies.

Good luck, and I’ll be rooting for you!

Very best of living,

Jeremy Daniel
Training Director
Color Code International

Jeremy Daniel (Core Color: Yellow) has been working with the Color Code since 1998 in various capacities from training in the field personally with Dr. Taylor Hartman to designing customized corporate solutions and new training programs for various industries.  To ask about Jeremy’s training or speaking services, please email and inquiry to jeremy@colorcodetraining.com.