teresa.glenn – Page 13 – blog.colorcode.com

Surviving the Summer with Your Kids

Color Code Tips For Parenting

Lately, my Facebook friends and relatives who have small children have been bemoaning the summer ahead. “What am I going to do with my children!!!?” they ask (with multiple exclamation points and frowny faces.)

My heart goes out to them. For example: I LOVE my grandkids. LOVE them. Really. LOVE them. I spoil them, they amuse me, and I know I am not responsible for building character— exponentially increasing my enjoyment. But, I must confess that most times I am relieved to see them bundled up safely in their little car seats and headed for home.

These poor parents do not have the luxury of sending their kids home. They are home. They have to keep the kids entertained, referee fights, and kiss owies—twenty-four/seven. No small feat.

If you have more than one child, it is likely that each has his own very distinct personality. Each color has it’s own set of needs and wants. So how do you handle situations where each child has a different driving core motive?

Here are a few helpful hints to get you through the summer days.

It’s a beautiful summer morning and the kids are stirring. You tell them to get dressed and come down to breakfast. This is the first potential hotspot and can set the tone for the entire day.

Red | If you want a smooth start to the day, provide your Red with a choice of what to wear. Reds want to be in charge of their own decisions—they’re okay if they think the choice is theirs. Starting the inevitable debate this early really isn’t worth it.

Blue | No problem here. Your Blue child has already figured out what to wear (most likely for the week) and is ready to go. Be sure to show your appreciation.

White | Don’t be surprised to see your White child wearing the same clothes, dirty or not, that he had on yesterday. He won’t show offense if you tell him to change.

Yellow | Really…how much effort do you want to expend trying talk her out of the Cinderella dress and yellow polka-dotted rain boots? Trust me. You won’t be judged. We get it.

You ask your children to clean their rooms before they go out to play. I think we all agree that chores are an important routine. Sadly, teaching your child responsibility is often more work for you than doing the job yourself. Hang in there.

Red | If your Red can’t manipulate a sibling into cleaning the room for him, he will do the job efficiently, with his eye on the prize—to do what he wants to do. He may try to challenge your authority to make him clean his room. Remember to always stay firm. You are the boss.

Blue | Blues can be perfectionists. They are organized. If they have their own room, this works out fine. If they have to share their room with a sibling, this can be enormously frustrating. Try to find a way to acknowledge the frustration, while emphasizing the roommate’s rights to do things their way.

Whites | Whites are procrastinators. If, for instance, while cleaning, they happen to find a book that interests them, they will lay down on their unmade bed a read the book. They might tell themselves they will clean the room after they finish one more chapter.

Yellows | Your sweet little Yellow wants to play. Having to work is a huge obstacle. Before you give her the thumbs-up, check under beds and in closets. In her haste to be done, she will shove the clutter in any hidey-hole she can find. When caught, she will insist she has no idea how (whatever) got there.

Playtime is finally here and you mistakenly think that you have some much needed time for yourself. I’m sorry to have to tell you that the fun has only just begun.

Red | Reds are very independent. You won’t have to worry about entertaining them. When they are young, you might find them giving their dolls or army men the what-for. When playing with others, they will quickly become the leader of the pack. Because of your Red’s bossiness, you might be called on (frequently) to referee disputes.

Blue | Blues are the organizers. They will be the ones forming clubs, putting on plays, and planning everyone’s summer. Remember that Blues easily get their feelings hurt, and they will need a lot of comfort from you when it happens. Don’t be impatient…they aren’t just tattle-tells, but genuinely feel the emotional pain.

White | Whites are content to continue reading the book they picked up while cleaning their room. While your White child gives you blessed relief from the drama of the other colors, he is who worries you most. He seems shy and withdrawn and you spend a good deal of time trying to encourage him to be more social. Don’t waste your time worrying…he’ll be fine. Accept his individuality.

Yellow | Yellows love to get out and do things. They play well with others. The problem you will have with your Yellow child is that they are bored easily and turn to you to entertain them. They will follow you around with their constant chatter, complaining of their boredom. There will be times you wish they had come with a mute button.

When your kids are together 24/7 without the structure a day at school provides, you can expect some bickering, tattling, and overall dissention in the ranks. When discipline is necessary remember that each child responds differently.

Red | Reds are insensitive and argumentative. They will vehemently deny wrongdoing. Speak to them from an authoritative position, but never embarrass them by reprimanding them in public. No matter how angry you are, discuss the problem in a logical manner. Remember that while they put up a strong front, they have insecurities too. Don’t let them fool you. They need a hug every once in a while too.

Blue | More often than not, you won’t need to punish a Blue. They will do it for you. Blues like to follow rules and be obedient. However, if they feel they have been wronged, watch out. They can be self-righteous and unforgiving. Emphasize that your Blue child is not the judge and jury of other children’s behavior.

White | Chances are, if your white child does anything wrong (big if) he might mumble and grumble, but he will eventually agree to anything to get the confrontation over. Be careful to react gently but logically, because they may get too hung up on how you said something as opposed to what you actually said.

Yellow | Yellows are difficult to discipline. They try to be contrite, but really, their attention is elsewhere. Yellows don’t dwell on problems. The best way to teach a Yellow is to withhold fun for a finite time. No idle threats. If you say it…do it.

I hope these insights into your child’s driving core motive will help you to at least understand your child’s behavior and how to best handle a variety of situations.

Now, here is some motherly advice:

Encourage your children to go out and play. These days, kids always have a screen in front of them, whether it’s the television, iPad, computer, hand-held games, or cell phone. Limit their screen time—and while you’re at it, limit yours as well. Go to the park and play, plant a garden, find free family activities, take up letterboxing. Most importantly, create memories. Take it from me. Your child might grumble at missing an episode of I, Carly, but you will love it when ten years from now, you hear them saying, “Remember when…”

Happy summer.

Teresa Glenn has been working with the Color Code since 2006, where her main focus is product development. She has been in the publishing and product development field for over 20 years. Teresa is a core Red with a strong Yellow secondary.

Ask the Expert

This month, I’m choosing to not respond to any one question in particular, but rather to address a reoccurring theme that comes up in a lot of questions I receive.

The question is usually something like this:”I am a Red and my partner is a Blue, and sometimes I really don’t know what to do help him/her. My partner loves to talk with me about his/her problems, but the minute I try to help identify a solution, he/she is frustrated with me. Maybe this is the logical side of me, but why would you ask somebody for help if you really don’t want it in the first place???”

It is actually perfectly illustrated in the following video you may have seen on our Facebook page. Check this out, and then I have some more commentary for you:

Don’t you just love it? I think it’s such a classic Red/Blue scenario. I have to laugh about it in spite of the completely real and frustrating problem that it is for the people involved.Please forgive my insensitivity. Let’s just blame it on my irreverent, Yellow sense of humor.

I think it helps to understand some of the dynamics at play:

First of all – this is not a gender issue. Our data shows that there are just as many Red women in the population as Red men, and that there are just as many Blue men int he population as Blue women. Please keep that in mind as you continue reading.
For a Blue, it’s about being understood – not being “fixed”. Sometimes the best thing that you can do is just listen, hear them out, and try to empathize.
For a Red, dynamic #1 makes no sense at all because the way that they show that they care is by helping solve problems. Why in the world would we just talk about them???
Blues want to solve their own problems, but they want you to care and to be involved. An approach like, “What do you think I can do to help?” is going to be much better received than, “Here’s what we’re going to do”.
Reds can be too impatient to wait for the Blue to work through it on their own, which makes it nearly impossible for them to express much sensitivity. In a Red’s mind, when the answer is staring you in the face and you choose to ignore it – you deserve to be in the position you’re in.
Blues are approaching this from an emotional perspective and are wanting to feel the connection from their partner.
Reds are approaching this from a strictly logical perspective and are wanting to move from problem to solution as efficiently as possible.

So which is the correct approach? Well, it probably depends on whether you are Red or Blue. 🙂

The best way to deal with these situations though is to exercise the “Platinum Rule”, because the “Golden Rule” probably isn’t going to cut it.

We can’t just do unto others what we would have them do unto us. That implies that we are trying to get them to do things our way.

Instead, we need to do unto others as they would have us do unto them.

So yes, you Reds heard me. It’s time to be more sensitive even though it goes against your grain.

You Blues should be hearing me as well. Try to be more logical when dealing with your Red partner and not demand that they wallow with you in the depth of your emotional struggles. Remember, if they didn’t care, they wouldn’t be trying to help solve your problems.

To all of you who find yourselves in these situations, please note that a little awareness about what makes the other person “tick” goes a long, long way here. That’s why MOTIVE is so powerful. Once you get it, it’s a lot easier to readily understand and accept each other. From there, add a small dose of humility and a willingness to work on the relationship, and these little things we get hung up on will come up a lot less frequently.

Very best of living,

Jeremy Daniel
Training Director
Color Code International

Jeremy Daniel (Core Color: Yellow) has been working with the Color Code since 1998 in various capacities from training in the field personally with Dr. Taylor Hartman to designing customized corporate solutions and new training programs for various industries. To ask about Jeremy’s training or speaking services, please email and inquiry to jeremy@colorcodetraini

Building Character—The Thirteen Virtues of Benjamin Franklin

In honor of Independence Day, we decided to focus on one of the most famous, and colorful signers of the Declaration of Independence—Benjamin Franklin.

Franklin was born in 1706 and signed the Declaration of Independence when he was 70 years old. So, what of his life before that great event?

Because of his prodigious writing, much is known about this great man. We know that in addition to being a forefather of a great nation, he was also a printer, a scientist, an inventor, a writer, a diplomat, and much more.

We also know that he was a satirist, had many, many friends, and was a social butterfly.

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If anyone knew how to enjoy life, it was Ben Franklin. He was fascinated with everything, and he was driven to share that fascination with others. One of the reasons we know so much about Franklin today is because he wrote about what he thought and how he lived. And he wrote volumes! He penned letters, journals, essays, books, newspaper articles, ballads, almanacs, and a celebrated autobiography.

http://www.pbs.org/benfranklin/l2_wit.html

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As a youth, Franklin didn’t always behave responsibly. When he was only sixteen, and apprenticed to his brother’s print shop, Franklin wrote articles under the persona of Silence Dogood, a middle-aged widow. The Dogood essays poked fun at colonial America and were a hit with the public. When his brother found out that Franklin had been the contributor, it caused a rift between the brothers that never healed.

At the age of 20, he decided to change the direction of his life by creating a system to develop his character. To accomplish this, Franklin came up these thirteen virtues:

Temperance: Eat not to dullness and drink not to elevation.
Silence: Speak not but what may benefit others or yourself. Avoid trifling conversation.
Order: Let all your things have their places. Let each part of your business have its time.
Resolution: Resolve to perform what you ought. Perform without fail what you resolve.
Frugality: Make no expense but to do good to others or yourself: i.e. Waste nothing.
Industry: Lose no time. Be always employed in something useful. Cut of all unnecessary actions.
Sincerity: Use no hurtful deceit. Think innocently and justly; and, if you speak, speak accordingly.
Justice: Wrong none. By doing injuries or omitting the benefits that are your duty.
Moderation: Avoid extremes. Forebear resenting injuries as much as you think they deserve.
Cleanliness: Tolerate no uncleanness in body, clothes or habitation.
Chastity: Rarely use venery but for health or offspring; never to dullness, weakness, or the injury of your own or another’s peace or reputation.
Tranquility: Be not disturbed at trifles, or at accidents common or unavoidable.
Humility: Imitate Jesus or Socrates.

Because Franklin was so charactered, it’s difficult to determine his driving core motive, although more than one account leads us to believe he was more than a little Yellow.

This Independence Day, we could all learn a lesson from this great man and forefather of our country. By becoming charactered, Franklin learned discipline, self-sacrifice, kindness, and peace. His natural intellect, and curiosity along with his character allowed him to achieve all the greatness for which he will always be remembered. CC

18 Ways to Develop a Positive Relationship with Reds

Reds are so easy if you understand how they see life. They are “Power” based people. Reds are productive, they are driven, and they hide their insecurities. They are very easy to build relationships with once you understand them. Here are some helpful suggestions.

1. Present issues logically. Do not whine and cry and complain. They want to know the facts. They are not only unmoved by emotion, they see it as weakness.

2. Demand their attention and respect. Reds know they can run you down if you let them, and they don’t respect you if you do. You must learn how to speak up, present the facts, and challenge them when necessary.

3. Be direct, brief, and specific in conversation. Reds hate lectures. A Blue’s tendency to lecture and talk about the goodness they are going to bring is a waste of time to a Red.

4. Be productive and efficient. They admire that in people. They only value people that are strong, productive and efficient…like themselves.

5. Offer them leadership opportunities. If you work with a Red, give them a chance to grow. Don’t force your opinion on them. Allow them to voice their own.

6. Support their decisive nature. Tell them you are proud of them for telling you what they’re going to do, and how they’re going to do it.

7. Promote their intelligent reasoning. If they come up with a idea or solution, let them know that you were impressed with how they were thinking.

8. Be prepared with facts and figures. Respect their need to make their own decisions in their own way. Do not try to make them think your way.

9. Do not embarrass them in front of people. This is huge. Reds do not appreciate it, and they do not find it humorous.

10. Do not argue from an emotional perspective. That is insignificant to a Red. Mr. Spock and Reds have one thing in common, and that is that their thought process is one of logic.

11. Always use a firm approach with a Red. It’s very easy to deal with a Red if you will just work with them very directly and using a firm approach.

12. Don’t use physical punishment. Reds do not like to be touched physically in a negative way.

13. Don’t be slow and indecisive. They cannot understand why your mind doesn’t tick like their’s does. If you need time to think about something, don’t sit there in front of them and take the time. Just say, “I’ll get back to you on that.” When you get back to them, come with the facts and information, and they will respect you.

14. Don’t expect a personal and intimate relationship. Reds struggle with intimacy. They are very uncomfortable with their emotions and your feelings. Don’t expect them to expose themselves all the time to you. Let Reds do it when they’re ready. They will do it, but they have to· feel terribly safe to do so.

15. Don’t attack them personally. Reds are typically uncomfortable with emotions. Therefore, if you attack them on that area, you are in trouble because you’re making them uncomfortable. They’re cornered, and they tend to fight back.

16. Don’t take their arguments personally. It’s important that Reds do not feel that you are going to take things so seriously that they can’t enjoy a good debate.

17. Don’t wait for them to solicit your opinion. Reds will not to ask for your opinion. If you want to give it, you need to speak up and give it.

18. Don’t demand social interaction. Allow them to have alone time. Reds don’t like to always be caught up in interaction with other people. Reds need time to kind of think about where they’re headed and how they’re headed, and why they are doing what they are doing.

So when you go out there in life and you see people that are Red, look for those gifts that they bring. Remember, that their very gifts will often be exposed as weaknesses as well.

Appreciate what’s right about people and understand their gifts and accept their limitations.

Ask the Expert

Hi, Jeremy.

I’m just wondering… I have an employee who took the assessment and came out nearly 25% in each of the Colors. Is that even possible, and what does it mean?

Thanks!

Danny

Dear Danny,

Thanks for the question. It’s a good one, and I’m happy to provide you with some insight here.

The good news is that you have probably not hired somebody with multiple personality disorder. :)In fact, an almost even split on a Color Code Personality Assessment is actually not terribly uncommon.

The truth is, there is only one Color capable of scoring almost equally across the board (unless somebody is just trying to cheat the system, of course). We call them the chameleons of the Color Code, and if you haven’t guessed which Color that describes by this point, I’ll help you out.

They are the Whites.

Whites are typically very adaptable, go-with-the-flow kinds of people. We call them the chameleons of the Color Code, because they have a way of just blending in with the wallpaper wherever they go. They have little ego, the attention doesn’t always have to be on them (in fact, most Whites would prefer it not to be), and their logical, self-regulated nature allows them to step into certain roles when necessary, step back out again, and then transition into something new.They can score almost equally in all four Colors, because when they are thinking back to the way they were as children, they can see themselves ebbing and flowing – much like a mountain stream – around different situations, obstacles, and environments.

It is important to remember with Whites, however, that whatever role they step into, whether that is the role of a 1st responder who needs to take control in the wake of a major disaster, or a professional basketball player called upon to nail two clutch free throws to win a big game, or even that of a charge nurse in the O.R., when they find themselves “off the clock” again, they typically come back to their natural oftentimes introverted behavior.

To further clarify what we mean by an “almost even” split, what we generally observe is that on the Color Code Assessment, if the difference between a person’s highest score and their lowest score is 6 percentage points or less, that person is usually a White, motivated by Peace.

And while that’s pretty normal for them, it sure does keep the rest of us guessing, unless you know what you’re looking for.

Thanks for the question, Danny. I hope that helps. Let us know if we can do anything else for you.Very best of living,

Jeremy Daniel
Training Director
Color Code International

Confessions of a Red—How to Woo a White.

I have a friend who has a great job, owns her own condo, drives her dream vehicle, and has more friends than anyone I’ve ever known. She is intelligent, has a great sense of humor, and would give you the shirt off her back. Jane is a Yellow.

The thought of Jane’s social calendar sends chills down my spine. Unlike her, I am content to stay home, do projects around the house, and enjoy my family (until I don’t). I like it when people come to me, stay a while, then leave. There are times I wish they would actually leave sooner than they do, but still—they do eventually leave.

My relationship with Jane consists of her doing anything I suggest (I can talk that girl into anything) and frequent drop-bys. With her, I have learned the art of listening. The main reason for my newly acquired art, is that when she is prattling*, I can’t get a word in edgewise. Amused by this, my husband has actually timed us and said that I have gone as long as a half-hour without so much as an uh-ha. I know the entire organization chart of the place she works. I know everything about her mother, father, sister, aunts, uncles, cousins, grandmothers and grandfathers. I know her friends (going back to grade school), acquaintances, and former lovers.

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*The verb “prattle” —to talk at length of inconsequential things, is my Red verb and I believe, completely fitting. In this case the prattler (noun) may not agree with its usage, considering she believes everything she says is of consequence.

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Recently, Jane has met a “guy”. We’ll call him John. From Jane’s description, I have gleaned that John is as white as the driven snow. John is coming out of a horrible experience with divorce and shows all the signs of emotional battle.

Jane hasn’t been in a relationship in a while. She is unencumbered by the baggage that comes with a recently failed relationship. Her life is in order. She is in love, ready to jump in with both feet and have lots of fun.

Lately, she has been at my house bemoaning the fact that John isn’t reacting to her the way she would like. He is interested, but with reason, wants to take it slow—he needs time. He is kind and gentle, but not passionate. He listens to her open up about her insecurities, and discusses them in a logical manner. This drives her crazy. She wants him to sweep her into his arms and reassure her that he, too, is passionately in love and they will live happily ever after. She becomes angry, cries, and lets him have it. He is bemused by this behavior.

Since I have been working off and on for the Color Code these past seven years, I have a pretty good idea what’s going on. Still, to avoid sounding like a zealot, I usually refrain from saying things like “According to the Color Code…” and just try to sneak in nuggets of wisdom like, “You need to give him space”, or “You can’t expect him to be on the same emotional level as you…considering his divorce”, (and because he’s a white, I think to myself.)

Finally, after a disastrous vacation where she broke down because he didn’t show enough enthusiasm for her planning, nor did he pay her the kind of attention she dreamed would take place, things began to take a bad turn.

I hated to see this happen. From all Jane has told me, they genuinely like each other.

I finally did it. I broke down, got my People Code, opened it up to the needs and wants of a White and shoved it in her face. “This,” I said, “Is why he is behaving the way he is. It isn’t because he doesn’t love you, or because he wants to dump you, or any of the crazy scenarios that you have cooked up. IT’S BECAUSE HE IS NOT A YELLOW—HE IS A WHITE!”

Oblivious to my outburst, she read through the White section and said, “Oh my gosh, this is John to a T. Can I borrow this book?” “No.” I told her, grabbing back my book. “Get one of your own. I use this everyday for my job” (which she really knows little about). She bought a People Code and reads it everyday and swears the Color Code has changed her relationship life.

For the most part, I agree. Here’s the rub. She has changed herself to meet his needs and wants, and he’s responding well to the change. But she refuses to tell him about the Color Code, which means he is ignorant of her needs and wants. I believe she is entitled to the little hugs, visits to friends, and the playful banter that she needs. I also think that when the love chemicals (see the Confessions of a Red–The Science of Love) wear off, there will not be the kind of give and take that long-lasting relationships require—not because he is selfish, but because he is unaware.

My advice to Jane: Take back a bit of pre-Color Code self-absorption, have John take the test and educate him on your needs and wants. You deserve it.

How to Offer Words of Encouragement to a Friend

How would you handle it if your best friend was going through a difficult time in his life and he came to you for help? How can you provide the best words of encouragement to help him? Many people will find it hard to believe that the first and best way to help a friend is to practice what I call active listening.

You may accomplish this by listening carefully without interrupting your friend, and at the proper pause points, check for understanding by feeding back the pertinent information in the form of a question. This approach will confirm your understanding of his situation.

The other added value perspective you may use to offer words of encouragement for a friend is by helping him “get” himself first before he seeks to get others! This is especially important during problem solving actions. The simple truth rests in the reality of knowing we all have strengths and limitations that are driven by our core motives and these core motives offer us a deeper understanding of why we do what we do.

As an example, one common strength of a White is being a good listener without rushing into the conversation with your opinion. However, if you’re not a White and are trying to acquire this gift, try to listen longer and check for understanding by paraphrasing what others have said to you first.

If they respond by saying, “yes, that is exactly what I said” and continues his dialogue from there, you will have provided the very best words of encouragement by simply acknowledging your understanding of his feelings. You will have advanced one more level in developing a positive character.

Finally, this allows him to hear his own thoughts played back to him and correct any misconceptions on either side of the conversation. It also acts as a point of reconfirmation when the communication has been relayed and accepted in the vein it was intended.

The alternative perspective could also be that when you use the powerful tool of checking for understanding and doing what I call ‘playing back the tape’ your friend may respond with, “that’s not at all what I said.” This could signal one of those times when we hear something different than what was intended or, the speaker said something that he didn’t really mean and it’s time to clear up the communication glitch. Here lies the importance of not only meaning what you say, but to saying what you mean. You simply ask your friend to please do you the favor of repeating the message. After he repeats the message, take the appropriate pause and ‘play back the tape again’ by saying, “so what I heard you say was…”

Upon confirmation, you will have completed the communication circle and established what I call a good volley in the conversation. Following this advice will afford you the choice of building great relationship, much like the Blue people of the world are so naturally gifted at doing. A Red personality type may never come to the conclusion that repeating something for clarity would be necessary since they are direct and state the facts as they see them.

By creating a continually flowing circle of conversation while establishing a good volley, sending and receiving messages in a conversation, it sets up the opportunity of helping a friend by offering words of encouragement. The largest point to take here is that you can’t offer words of encouragement to help a friend if you don’t fully understand the nature of their problem.

Once you have established a good flow in the conversation, you can offer words of encouragement. Rather than telling a friend what to do, even if he is asking you to tell him what to do, I have always found that it works best to ask enough questions so that he basically answers his own question and determines the best course of action.

Most people know what they need to do in order to help themselves while navigating through the mind fields of life, but their emotions or hurried pace of life can occasionally block their sense of knowing. I find that removing some of life’s burdens or blocks from a friend’s path will help him see the light more clearly and they can form his own solutions. Also, I believe that people feel better about discovering their own answers rather than having someone else telling them what to do.

However, there is the odd time, depending on the situation, where a friend may be so overburdened by life’s many challenges that he truly doesn’t have a clue as to what his next step should be. In this case, it may be prudent to offer words of encouragement. These words often times do far more than you think and create a high level of intimacy!

Offering encouragement is a nice thing to do for others and it is typical of Blue personality types. They thrive on intimacy and go to extreme measures to spark others’ desires to know them. An added benefit that Blue personality types have is that in offering words of encouragement they are squarely acknowledging others through great listening and validation skills.

The benefit is that people want to know more about you because you have first shown interest in getting to know them. Yellow personality types are motivated by fun and it is fun to receive good feedback and energy from those who have received truthful and kind words of encouragement from you first. This theory plays out well for those of us who are motivated by a Yellow personality type as it allows our extremely sociable style to kick right into gear!

Get yourself first, then get over yourself before you start to get others. The best words of encouragement start and end with the truth! Speak the truth as you can most fairly portray and share, while offering solution-based thinking with a mind toward obtaining the best results to minimize their problem. At the end of the day…it’s all about how you leave them feeling!

Jesse is a “Blue” and a Professional Speaker, Corporate & Life Coach; Author & Artist He has authored the books How You Leave Them Feeling & How You Leave Them Feeling Live (Apple interactive live version). He has also co-authored the book Life Choices.

Connect with Jesse on www.jesstalk.com Twitter – Jesse Ferrell@jesstalk, Facebook

From This Chair—The Color of Healthcare

As I write this, I am sitting in a visitor chair at a local hospital. I have been in this chair, and many like it, off and on for six months. From this chair, I have had the opportunity to see healthcare in all its personalities.

From this chair, I have observed nurses in action. They are young and old, male and female, and mostly Blue.

If you have a loved one who is sick, having a Blue take care of them is a true gift and these nurses have my complete and total admiration. They have the natural gifts of empathy, compassion, sincerity, and strong sense of purpose.

When a nurse asks a patient how he feels, she actually wants to know. Not only does she want to know, she feels his pain.

They do anything within their power to relieve the patient’s discomfort. They know a patient suffers from the indignities of having to use bedpans, receive sponge baths, and having total reliance on someone else. Nurses are quick to reassure the patient that they are not alone.

They don’t forget. You might have been in and out of the hospital—sometimes months between visits—and yet they remember you with comments like “Hey, where’s your Green Bay Packer t-shirt?” just as though you’d been there yesterday.

From this chair I have seen doctors come and go.

When a doctor asks you how you feel, they aren’t really interested in how you feel feel. They want to know signs and symptoms. They view your health as a personal challenge. They read test results as avidly as an investor reads the Dow. Their visits never last more than a few minutes in which they provide you with snippets of their wisdom, and then breeze out again. Still, after they are gone, you feel that you are in good hands. They have confidently accessed, decided, and delegated.

To call them all Reds may be inaccurate. Many show signs of other colors—the quiet dignity of a White, the compassion of a Blue, or the sense of humor of a Yellow—but I can’t help but wonder if in medical school they don’t have a class called Red 101, that provides them with the filters of logical tenacity and pragmatism.

From this chair, I watch as dozens of people sit together in a large room and are infused with chemotherapy. Again, most of the healthcare providers are Blue.

One exception is a young man who is Yellow and beloved. Every patient hopes he will have this young man for his transfusion. He is efficient and dedicated, but that is not why he is so popular. He regales his patients with stories, sings show tunes, and remembers the names of grandchildren. He is eternally optimistic and celebrates every little victory his patients achieve. If a patient experiences a set-back, he shrugs his shoulders and says, “that’s OK” and you believe him. When asked how he came to be a nurse he said that a really cute girl asked him to volunteer at a convalescent home. He did and loved it. She didn’t work out, but from that experience, decided to become a nurse. Only a Yellow would make a career choice because of a crush.

From this chair, I reflect that I do not have the personality to be a healthcare professional. As a Red, I appear not to care. I am not a fawner. I am tempted to tell the patient to quit bellyaching and look at the incredible opportunities modern medicine provides. I often grow impatient sitting in these chairs. But the truth is, I do care and I am filled with gratitude for all of these people who have chosen the career they have and for whom I have observed from this chair.

Ask the Expert

Dear Jeremy,

One of our supervisors here is a bit challenged working with mostly Blues, she is a Red. In hindsight, she felt she over did it with the Blues, in being overly nice, praising, and doing all of the wonderful things she was doing to appeal to the Blues. She said is was awful, as she knows they were thinking “who is this?!”

She had fallen more into her secondary Blue color and felt she was trying too hard and it backfired. She said she didn’t feel like she could hand out any more lollipops!

Now she has found a healthy balance in that she is now utilizing her Color Code knowledge with the awareness of what blues need instead of going overboard! A couple of questions….

Is it possible to over do it? – (She was not being congruent!)
Is it always best to appeal to DCM no matter what!? Example…an employee has a Blue DCM, however, she acts Red, says she is red (she has a strong secondary red) and appears to be a Red!

Your insights would be greatly appreciated!

Lisa

________________________________________________________________________

Dear Lisa,

Thanks so much for these great questions. Please allow me to dive right in…

Your first question was, “Is it possible to over do it? — (She was not being congruent!)”

Yes. Definitely. I do think that it’s easy to over do it, actually. The truth is that people still expect her to be a Red—she doesn’t need to change who she is (especially in the strengths category) to get along with those Blues.

Sometimes if you try too hard, it just flat out comes off as insincere—especially to Blues with a built-in meter to gauge for that. 🙂

When that happens, it feels more like you are trying to manipulate or trick others into compliance. What should happen is that people should appreciate the fact that you are making an effort to connect and communicate in a way that they feel respected.

We don’t have to act like Blues to get along with Blues. She should be whom she is, but try to focus on her strengths while being aware of when her limitations creep in (with a wrecking ball in tow).

However, it’s obviously still important that she use the insights provided by the Color Code—or what’s the point, right?! I see this happening when people increase their sensitivities to what other people “need” and “want” and when they tailor their communication patterns in an appropriate (but not over-the-top) way. For example, instead of rattling off orders in Red, “Drill Sergeant” style. She should remember to be more polite and ask people to help, and thank them (instead of just expecting them to do it because, “Are you kidding me?! That’s why we PAY you, so we don’t have to ask!).

She should try to be more sensitive, more caring, more appreciative and “warm”, but without feeling like she has to enable poor performance or to “hand out lollipops” instead of addressing the facts.

Your second question was, “Is it always best to appeal to DCM no matter what!? Example…an employee has a Blue DCM, however, she acts Red, says she is red (she has a strong secondary red) and appears to be a Red!”

Trick question! Okay. So the simple answer to the question is “yes”. It is best to work to appeal to a person’s Driving Core Motive as opposed to their Secondary Color. It is always going to be more significant and will produce better results generally.

The reason I think this sounds like a trick question is that I wonder how you know she is for sure a Blue and not a Red? I would start with that because even though she has test results, those results need to be self-validated. Of course, she could be deceiving herself, in which case others might more objectively observe that she is not a Red (other Reds would have an especially good read on this one).

It’s a little uncommon, but I do see people from time to time who take the test from a flawed perspective and are scored as a Color that was not their DCM. It’s not a problem with the instrument, but rather with their ability to answer the questions truthfully (or perhaps to follow the instructions). That said, you have to take that possibility into account.

Thanks so much, Lisa, for sending in your questions. I truly hope this helps.

Very best of living,
Jeremy Daniel
Training Director
Color Code International

Spring has Sprung!

Spring is nature’s way of saying, “Let’s party!” —Robin Williams

Those of you who have read my previous “confessions” know that I am a Red. What I haven’t mentioned, to the best of my recollection, is that my secondary color is a strong Yellow. I find my Yellow creeping out at odd moments. Once, I convinced a coworker to ditch work for a couple of hours to go see a movie we were both excited to see. She, being a Yellow purist, didn’t take much convincing. We jumped in our cars, saw the movie, and headed back, ready to work. My Red kicked back in and I put in extra hours to make up for my lapse into Yellowdom. Still, I didn’t regret it for a minute.

Spring brings out the Yellow in me. I am thrilled to watch my bulbs peek their little heads out of the soil and stretch to the light of the sun. I love to watch the birds building their nest in trees that have yet to leaf. I am, literally, distracted by shiny things. I find myself wanting to ditch work and go play. I feel as if all is right with the world.

My Blue husband is a bit different. While he is happy for spring, so he can resume golfing, he is also overwhelmed with the thought of all those chores that come with the changing season. He worries about the sprinkler system, firing up the air conditioner, cleaning out the pool that has sat dormant for eight months, etc, etc, etc, (these etcs could go on, but I’ll spare you, the reader). I understand these things have to be done, and, thanks to the Color Code, I understand his Blue nature to worry about them, but I wish he had a bit of the Yellow he could channel to enjoy the season the way I do.

Spring is a time of renewal. We see it all around us. It is the awakening of life after a long cold winter. Perhaps it’s time to celebrate by awakening ourselves. Forget your worries for an afternoon and spend time doing what you enjoy. If you Whites feel like a lazy afternoon, give it to yourself—guilt-free. Read a book in the park. Take a nap in the garden. If the Blues out there enjoy chores, do them! Spring clean your house. Paint a room a joyful color. Reds—go hiking. Jump out of a plane. Then, when you get back, think about other renewals. Renew the resolutions you’ve let slide since January. Renew friendships and other relationships that, like winter, have grown cold and are ready to bloom again.

If you don’t know how to celebrate spring, don’t despair. Put your fate into the hands of a Yellow friend. They’ll know what to do!