teresa.glenn – Page 9 – blog.colorcode.com

Saying “I’m Sorry” With The Color Code

You know what you did was wrong…you hurt someone and you feel guilt over it. Now it’s time to rebuild the relationship you jeopardized. What can you say to make the wronged party accept your apology?

Saying you’re sorry is more difficult for some than others, but it is important that what you say is sincere and heartfelt. An empty apology is often worse than none at all, creating more pressure on your relationship.

The first step is to own your wrongdoing. Take responsibility. Do not say things like, “I lost my temper because you…” or “I’m sorry I called you that name, but you make me so angry sometimes.” Blaming the wronged for your misdeed will not accomplish what you set out to do, and that is to mend your relationship. It will most likely re-stir the pot.

How to apologize if you are a…

Red. Believe it or not, you are not always right. You have a tendency to say hurtful things without even realizing it. This can be devastating to your relationships, both personal and professional. Apologizing is difficult for you because you can’t understand the emotional response the injured party is displaying. You must (emphasize, MUST) step back and ask yourself if being right is more important than your relationship with the person you hurt. Of all the colors, saying you’re sorry is the most difficult for Reds. Swallow your pride and apologize. Be sincere. If you mean it, show it.

Blue. You would never hurt anyone deliberately. After all, what you said was for his own good, right? You expect everyone to be as good as you are and can be judgmental if they aren’t. Regardless of your motives, you did hurt someone and you need to apologize. As with Reds, it is important to take 100% responsibility and not make sanctimonious statements like, “What I said was for your own good. I only wanted to help you.” Don’t hold a grudge. Move on to the task of rebuilding your relationship, always keeping in mind that nobody is perfect.

White. You may be more likely to hurt someone by your actions, rather than your words. When you are angry, you often retreat into yourself and stubbornly refuse to discuss it. This can make the person with whom the dissension is with think you don’t care about the relationship. As uncomfortable as it is for you, you must face the conflict that might arise. If you have wronged that person, you cannot remain silent. If a face-to-face apology is too difficult, compose a heartfelt email to explain your actions, ending in an “I’m sorry.”

Yellow. You can be flippant and sarcastic. Oftentimes you hurt someone by making him the butt of a joke. You must recognize that others might not understand your sense of humor and take things personally. When apologizing, do not try to lighten the offense. Don’t be afraid to face facts. It’s time to acknowledge that you have the tendency to be insensitive when being playful. Let them know you that their feelings matter to you.

How to apologize to a:

Red. This will be short and sweet for two reasons. First, Reds will probably have no idea why you are apologizing, and second, if they do know why, they will probably have already gotten over it. Don’t let that dissuade you from saying you’re sorry. A Red will respect you for owning your misdeed and that will go a long way to building your relationship.

Blue. Unlike Reds, Blues will remember. Forever. It is crucial that when you apologize to a Blue that it is sincere and heartfelt. You must tell them how much you appreciate everything they do and continue to emphasize that you are very sorry for your actions. Go the extra mile and assure them of your loyalty and your commitment to the relationship.

White. Whites avoid conflict at all cost, even when hearing an apology. You must treat them gently, but with open directness. Tell them you’re sorry without making excuses. Keep it short and simple. Watch for nonverbal clues that your apology has been accepted. They might not be forthcoming about how much you hurt them, or if your apology hit home.

Yellow. Yellows might appear nonchalant about how much your slight affected them. Remember that Yellows are more sensitive than they appear. When apologizing to them, make it about the Yellow. Tell them how much you love being around them, and how much your relationship with them means to you. Most often, a Yellow is happy to accept your apology and get on with living life.

When your mother told you, “Tell so and so you’re sorry”, it was the first building block in your interpersonal skills development. It is still important. By apologizing for your actions, you are letting someone know that they, and your relationship with them, are of value to you. CC

Teresa Glenn has been working with the Color Code since 2006, where her main focus is product development. She has been in the publishing and product development field for over 20 years. Teresa is a core Red with a strong Yellow secondary.

Ask the Expert

Dear, Jeremy.

I run my own business by myself and I work with a lot of different clients. I’m a Red and I work really well with White clients in particular. Yellow and Reds clients are okay too. It’s my Blue clients that I really struggle with. In fact, I just “fired” another Blue client today. I just can’t handle how suspicious they are and how they question everything that I do for them. It’s too draining on my time and patience. I’ve been doing this work for 30 years, and I need my clients to trust me to do what I’m good at doing.

I don’t need a lot of clients, and I can afford to be selective. That said, is it bad if I just don’t take on any more Blue clients? What are your thoughts?

I’m always interested in self-improvement, which lead me to the Color Code in the first place, and while I love the book, I’m not sure I’m interested in changing too much at this point in my life.

— Mark

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Dear Mark.

I certainly do appreciate your candor, my Red friend. I had to laugh to myself a little while I read your question, because you certainly do just “lay it out there” in true, Red fashion.

And, since you asked me a good, Red question. I’ll give you a Red answer, though it might be a bit shocking to some people to hear me say this…

Here’s my take. Based on what you said, I don’t think there is anything wrong with you not taking on any new Blue clients.

I think you very clearly know where you stand and you expressed to me what you are and are not willing to accept when working with clients, and if you can afford to be selective and don’t care to necessarily learn more about how to work more effectively with Blues, then the answer is simple. Don’t do it.

Will your business suffer from that course of action? Not necessarily—especially since you run the business alone and can afford to be selective.

Will your personal growth and effectiveness be affected if you generally cut Blues out of your life? Definitely. However, it’s your call at the end of the day.

The greatest part of our life journey is that we are free to choose whatever path we would like to take. What we can’t choose, are our consequences.

If you feel that your business is not dependent on a certain segment of the population to be successful, that’s one thing. However, if you exclude Blues in general from your life, I can promise you that you will miss out on the extremely enriching qualities that they bring to the table.

Blues make up approximately 35% of the general population, and they bring a very unique perspective and an unmatched depth to their relationships. Yes, they can be suspicious. However, once they learn to trust you and are fully committed, they will also be fiercely loyal.

Keep all of this in mind while making your decision, and if you do decide to not take on more Blue clients at work, be sure to be extremely cognizant to not exclude them from the connections you make outside of work or you will do yourself a terrible disservice.

Good luck to you, Mark. Thanks for the question!

Very best of living,

Jeremy Daniel
Training Director
Color Code International

Jeremy Daniel (Core Color: Yellow) has been working with the Color Code since 1998 in various capacities from training in the field personally with Dr. Taylor Hartman to designing customized corporate solutions and new training programs for various industries. To ask about Jeremy’s training or speaking services, please email and inquiry to jeremy@colorcodetraining.com.

The Power of Simplicity

Recently, I was on a phone call with a Color Code client. He is the training director for a large corporation that currently has over 200,000 employees. He told the story about being in a meeting with high-level employees from a company his employer was acquiring, when one of the HR people asked him “Why Color Code?” He thought about it for a minute, and then he asked her what her results were on Myers-Briggs. Even though it was the personality assessment she currently used, all she could say was, “I don’t remember, but I think it starts with an I. He responded, “That’s why we use Color Code.”

One of the most powerful tools in the Color Code arsenal is simplicity. What good is a powerful tool if you don’t know how to use it?

Putting Color Code into action isn’t just about you and your personality. Sure, you can learn what makes you tick and make changes—build on your strengths and try to eliminate your limitations—but the real power comes into play when you use it to build relationships.

Studies have shown that people with a high level of interpersonal skills are far more likely to succeed than those with a high IQ. Learning more about the people around you—and respecting their needs and wants will go a long way in building your interpersonal skills.

Applying these skills in a work setting will not only make you more successful, but will profit the company for whom you work.

Consider this:

Quarterly reviews are due and the manager of sales for a national marketing firm is completing her data. The manager has scheduled meetings with members of her staff who have fallen below projected numbers needed for the third quarter. It isn’t a task she looks forward to, but a problem that must be addressed. Here are some of examples of how a manager with strong interpersonal skills would approach this task.

Reds | The manager has to approach an under-performing Red employee with direct communication. Reds do not require any form of sugar coating. This manager will briefly state the facts and give the supporting data to show that the Red employee needs to improve. Reds do not respond well to being embarrassed, so she will make sure they have complete privacy. Operating in their limitations, Reds can be very argumentative. The frustration or venting of a Red is rarely intended to be personal. She should simply listen, then repeat the facts firmly and redirect the conversation toward possible solutions. An overly emotional response to a confrontational Red only serves to diminish his or her respect for you. If the response is not logical, then Reds tend to fall into another limitation of believing they are right.

Blues | The manager of an under-performing Blue must strive for a balanced approach. Blues can be sensitive, emotional and self-critical. In the meeting, the manager should be direct and clear about the need for improvement. In doing so, show care, concern and support for the Blue and invite him or her to share how they feel about the situation and raise any issues that are of concern. Ask the Blue how you can best support his or her efforts to improve and sincerely acknowledge your appreciation for all the good he or she contributes to the team.

Whites | In the meeting with a White, the manager should use logic and provide clear information for what is needed going into the next quarter. Do not expect much, if any, emotion to be displayed by Whites. They tend to be reserved and do not reflect their feelings readily in their body language. It is easy to mistake White passivity for apathy or a lack of understanding. That, in turn, leads some to become more strident or harsh in an effort to elicit a response from the White. Beware of coming on too strong; allow the White to come up with a plan for improvement. He or she will need time to devise the plan so it makes sense to arrange a follow up meeting.

Yellows | When approaching Yellows about a fault or failing on their part, do not be too critical or serious. That is not to say that the manager in this situation should not be clear about the improvement he or she needs to see from this Yellow employee. But the tone should be a combination of optimism and challenge. The optimism factor comes in understanding that Yellows are particularly responsive to praise. Before describing the failure or shortcoming, be sure and acknowledge the good you see in their work or, alternatively, in them as a person. Yellows naturally have high self-esteem so they consider those comments to be validation of how they already see themselves. Yellows can often be motivated to overcome a myriad of limitations to please the person who sincerely thinks they are great.

As you can see, we have four very different ways to respond to the same problem.

Some managers might think, “Hey, I’m the manager. I’ll respond how I see fit, and too bad if they don’t like it”. From that attitude will come unhappy employees, poor moral, and a negative affect on the bottom line.

So, here’s the challenge. Learn about yourself and others, then put this tool to the test, and watch how powerful it really is.

Simple. CC

Ask the Expert

Which Color Has the Most Difficult Time Overcoming Its Limitations?

My favorite course to teach here at Color Code International is our Trainer Certification Course. The program is available to people who want to really study and understand the Color Code so that they can then teach our workshops.

During one of my most recent classes, the following question was asked, “Jeremy, which Color has the most difficult time overcoming its limitations?”

Curious as to what the trainer-in-training was thinking, I asked what he thought the answer was, and a wonderful debate ensued.

He said, “I think Reds have the hardest time overcoming their limitations.”

“Why is that?” I asked.

“Because they don’t necessarily view their limitations as a bad thing, first of all. They view being bossy, demanding, or overly-aggressive as being good qualities. Plus, sometimes, I think that they are so in love with their own ideas and ways, and can be so incredibly arrogant that they are going to struggle with owning up to areas where they are deficient.”

Another trainer jumped in at that point and said that she disagreed and thought that Whites have the hardest time overcoming limitations. Her reasoning was that Whites can be so content with what they have and are so accepting of themselves and their circumstances that they might not feel the need to change. Further, she added that Whites might lack the internal motivation and/or decisiveness to make change happen.

Then someone else jumped into the debate and said that she felt that “obviously” the Yellows are the ones who have the hardest time overcoming their limitations. Her viewpoint was that they are too uncommitted and flighty to make change happen. She also stated that Yellows, she felt, were so undisciplined and too distracted that they will naturally struggle with developing character and overcoming their limitations.

“So that just leaves the Blues,” I said. “Does that mean that they have the easiest time overcoming their limitations?”

Another trainer entered the conversation and expressed his thoughts that Blues actually might be the ones who struggle the most. His idea was that because Blues can be so emotionally controlling and tend to see things as “absolutely right” or “absolutely wrong”, they can get stuck in feeling so justified with the way that they are and the way that they view things that it would be difficult for them to change.

So where does this debate lead us?

The truth is that there is not a Color that has a more difficult time overcoming its limitations than others. They all struggle, but they struggle differently.

It’s just as difficult for a Red to let go of their arrogance and insecurities as it is for a White to develop a sense of urgency/motivation and find the desire to seek out a higher standard of life. It’s equally as difficult for a Yellow to commit to being disciplined and learn how to follow through as it is for a Blue to let go of their rigidity, self-righteousness, and desire to control others.

In short, while there is the seed of greatness within all of us, at the same time, we must understand that we are our own worst enemy.

We must all learn to get over ourselves and get out of our own way before we can truly reach our ultimate potential.

Can you learn to accept and value yourself enough to get out of your own way to greatness? Of course you can!

Onward and upward!

Very best of living,

Jeremy Daniel
Training Director
Color Code International

P.S. – If you would like more information on our Trainer Certification Program, please visit the following link:
www.colorcodetraining.com

Ask the Expert

Dear Jeremy,

I’m a Blue and I struggle in communicating effectively with my Red boss via email. I know that he only wants a high level overview of things without much detail. The problem is that I feel if I don’t communicate the details and he ends up needing more information, he’ll be upset with me for not giving him what he needed. Do you have any suggestions for me?

Yours truly,

Doug

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Dear Doug,

Thanks so much for your question. Red-Blue communication definitely has some interesting dynamics associated with it, and you hit the nail on the head when describing the problem. The Red wants bullet points, and the Blue doesn’t feel like they’ve done a thorough job unless they can communicate all the details. Some Blues may actually feel irresponsible, guilty, misunderstood, and/or worrisome if they are not able to fully communicate the details.

The good news is, I can fix this for you…and it’s probably going to be a lot easier than you may think!

The solution is really not all that complicated. The next time you email your Red boss, here’s what you do:

Step 1: Write out your email as you normally would—with all the details.

Step 2: Go back to the top of the email and write something like this:

Subject line: “Info you requested on [x topic].”

Body copy (before your full version of the information):

“The 3 most important bullet points are here at the top in case you are short on time. If you want more detail, a more thorough analysis follows.”

Your original email follows.

And that, my friend, is a Win-Win. 🙂

You have to understand that 95% of the time, your boss will stop reading your email after the 3 bullet points. That’s okay, though, because: A) It’s all he wants anyway. B) The 5% of the time he does read the extra detail, he will be glad that it’s there. C) Even when he doesn’t read it, he knows that you are on top of things and appreciates the fact that you take care of the details, because he certainly doesn’t want to. D) You can sleep at night because you know that you’ve covered your bases and that he can never be upset with you, because all of the details were actually there and he will know that he made the choice to not read more.

It’s a very simple solution, but trust me, it will work extremely well for both of you.

Very best of living,

Jeremy Daniel
Training Director
Color Code International

Your Color Code Relationship with Your Kids

I’ve raised them the same, but they are soooo different. I can’t believe they came from the same family!

We hear that all the time. The truth is, your children are very different−innately. And as someone with her own unique driving core motive (DCM), you respond differently to each of those little personalities. A Red parent may have difficulty with a Blue child’s intense emotion. A Yellow parent can’t understand why her White child isn’t outgoing.

The chart below shows us how some colors are complementary to one another while others are non-complementary. So, as a parent, you may love your children with all your heart, but may find some of their behaviors to be baffling—even annoying. Since you can’t expect your 4-year-old to modify his behavior to meet your expectations, it is up to you as a parent to learn why your children behave the way they do, and then let them be who they are. Each child responds to your personality in different ways, too.

Red Parents

Red parents are in control. You are the unquestioned leader in the home. As a Red parent, you expect your children to do what you say, when you say it. You do not debate. It is important to you that your family be a cohesive group, with focused goals. If you have White or Yellow children, you will find their lack of follow-thorough disarming. Of all the DCMs Red and Blue parents are more likely to expect children to bend to their will. Work on your understanding of each of your children’s innate needs from a Red point of view:

Your Red child needs to be respected and to be right. This might be in conflict with your need to be right, but allow it every once in a while. A Red child will hide her insecurities. Don’t let that fool you!

Your Blue child needs to be understood and appreciated. They may feel the need to over-articulate in order the achieve understanding. This will be when you need to work on your patience. Listen and validate.

Your White child is logical like you are, but not driven. Remember…she will do whatever you say just to keep the peace. This does not mean she agrees. Allow her the freedom to explore her options at her own pace.

Your Yellow child needs your approval and praise. You may find his constant chatter and happy demeanor, and lack of responsibility to be annoying. Take a time-out if you need one, but don’t try to stifle his natural exuberance. It is a gift that should be nourished.

Blue Parents

Blue parents are devoted to home and family. As a Blue parent, you want everything to be perfect. You have a tendency to lecture to get your way. Blues parents are often lied to because a child doesn’t want to disappoint you nor hear your lectures. You have a tendency to worry about your children, their day-to-day lives, and their future. You want nothing but the best for them.

Your Red child will cause you grief if you let her. Remember, Reds and Blues are controlling. That means there is a definite power struggle between parent and child. Your Red child will not respond to nagging. Be succinct and firm if you want her respect. Don’t embarrass her in front of her friends!

Your Blue child is every bit the perfectionist you are. Don’t try to make your Blue child feel guilty. He will punish himself without your help. A mild disapproval is about all it takes. He seeks your approval and physical affection. Take the time to touch him, to talk with him.

Your White child is undemanding and willing to accommodate her sibling’s needs. She may not express her appreciativeness, which you need, but don’t dwell on it. Overall, she will cause the fewest problems, easing your stress level considerably. Don’t worry about her.

Your Yellow Child lacks your organization and planning skills. This drives you crazy. Do not try to over manage your Yellow child. He will ignore you and leave you pulling out your hair. Find a way to harness the playfulness by turning tasks into a fun game.

Yellow Parents

Yellow parents are very energetic. You like life, so as a parent, you think kids ought to like life too. You enroll them in your life plan of having fun. Yellow parents are always saying, “Let’s go do this, let’s go do that, let’s go meet so and so”…you are always leaving rather than coming. But, Yellows have very poor follow-through on commitments and discipline. You may threaten something in the heat of the moment, but it is too much of a commitment to follow through.

Your Red Child is up for the adventure in the short-term, but wearies of too much social interaction. Reds and Yellows both hide intimate feelings and both have strong argument skills. This means you could hurt each other without knowing. As a parent, you should try to keep your relationship one of parent/child, rather than friend/friend. Your Red child respects that.

Your Blue Child wants you around…as a room mother, at games, or other activities. It is important for you to be there for him…and not just superficially. He needs the security that comes from constancy. Routine may not be in the cards, but set aside time when you can be there 100% for your Blue child. Do not expect spontaneity.

Your White Child needs alone time. Don’t overbook her with play dates and other activities that require social interaction. Whites want you to respect their pace (one truly foreign to you), but lack the desire to verbally joust with you. As a parent, you need to take the high road and recognize that not all kids want to be constantly on the go. Give your White child alone time without chiding them for being anti-social.

Your Yellow Child loves to be on the go, doing anything that involves social interaction. He loves being with you and chatters up a storm, and that delights you no end. The problem is that someone needs to be the parent in this relationship. You need to establish routines such as bath times, bed times, and brushing teeth times. You will be tempted to let him cuddle with you while you watch a movie late at night, but children (even Yellow children) thrive on routine.

Whites as Parents

White parents are like the universal donor, type O blood—compatible with everyone. You are non-judgmental, and slow to react to anger. You accept differences and are even agreeable with disagreeable children. You don’t offer direction, because you don’t want to be seen as pushy, too involved, or too demanding. But interestingly, of all the four personalities, you are the most capable of giving feedback that would be received, because you don’t do it with demands.

Your Red Child has a much stronger personality than do you. She may take advantage of your gentle manner through manipulation. Conversely, she will respect your strong, albeit non-verbal, convictions. Reds and Whites are both logical and therefore, are complementary opposites. Both of you are comfortable in your own skin, and don’t require social approval to be contented.

Your Blue Child needs sensitivity and emotional commitment. This will be the most difficult for you to actively supply, simply because you don’t need those things. Keep reminding yourself to express your feelings.

Your White Child might be your biggest challenge as a parent, because you are both so alike. The both of you could, quite comfortably, be alone for hours. One of the problems with a White child, is that she approaches life too casually. Like you, she can be silently stubborn and refuse to comply by quietly eluding you. You have to rise above your natural compliant tendencies to enforce your rules.

Your Yellow Child will be the one that really tests your comfort zones. He is expressive, active and engaging—all the things that don’t come naturally to you.Challenge yourself by allowing him to introduce an element of fun into your life. Be quick to praise him and remember, Yellows accept your form of gentle and positive advice.

These are just a few pointers to help you understand how your individual personality interacts with those of your children. We are also including a very resourceful companion poster that highlights the strengths, limitations, needs and wants for each color your children might be. CC

To learn more about your Color Code relationships with your children, check out our Parenting Guide and youth assessments. https://thecolorcodestore.com/parentingguide1

Download poster

Kid Tips

Why We Grieve the Way We Do

On September 11, 2001 the world watched as the twin towers of the World Trade Center collapsed. On the same day, my own little piece of the world was collapsing. My mother was diagnosed with stage-four cancer and she was in the process of dying. Her life ended on September 20, and it felt as though mine would too. I was devastated, and privately mourned her well. I didn’t show anyone else the depth of my grief, but instead remained stoic. My lack of visible emotion was misinterpreted as at best, denial, and at worst, downright indifference.

At some point in our lives, we all have to face the death of a loved-one, close friend, or even a beloved pet. Suddenly, emotions are high and the most trivial of things can offend. Reactions to our loss can vary dramatically from one family member to another. According to hov.org (Hospice of the Valley), there are two types of mourners:

Thinkers experience and speak of their grief intellectually and physically. They are most comfortable with seeking accurate information, analyzing facts, making informed decisions and taking action to solve problems. Remaining strong, dispassionate and detached in the face of powerful emotions, they may speak of their grief in an intellectual way, thus appearing to others as cold and uncaring, or as having no feelings at all.

Feelers experience a full, rich range of emotions in response to grief. Comfortable with strong emotions and tears, they are sensitive to their own feelings and to the feelings of others, as well. Since they feel strong emotions so deeply, they’re less able to rationalize and intellectualize the pain of grief, and more likely to appear overwhelmed and devastated by it.

Sound familiar?

Of course. Reds and Whites, being logic-based, are the thinkers and Blues and Yellows, being emotion-based, are the feelers.

When a loved-one dies, it is not only important to recognize why you grieve the way you do, but why others grieve the way they do. This will create understanding that will help you to support your fellow mourners and keep your relationships strong during a fragile time.

Reds and Whites—you need to realize that your Blue and Yellow siblings, friends, spouses, etc., need comfort, both physically and emotionally. Do not belittle their open show of grief by telling them to be strong. Let them weep, talk, and express their feeling in a public way. This may not be your style, but it is their need.

Blues and Yellows—you must to be aware that because your Red or White siblings, friends, spouses, etc., appear to be emotionless, doesn’t mean their grief is any less powerful than your own. Do not judge their behavior or pester them to let it out by talking about their feelings, or question why they don’t cry.

Don’t let resentment build because you don’t understand at what depth another is grieving. Assume they are feeling pain, and recognize their need for comfort, whether it’s a hug or only giving them space to be alone.

We experience a rollercoaster of emotions when dealing with the death of a loved one. It is important to work together through the pain, and heartbreak. This can only be accomplished by knowing and understanding why we grieve the way we do. CC

Test Yourself—The Colors of Independence

To celebrate July—the month of Independence Day, we thought it would be fun to see what some of the more famous signers of the Declaration of Independence were like. Following are a few brief sentences that tell us some of the more common traits of their personalities.

John Adams
Adams was known to be impetuous, intense and often vehement. Adams was, at his core, an author, communicator and defender often arguing unpopular opinions merely to see if he could bend his mind to the task in such a way as to unnerve his opponents and ultimately win the day.

Thomas Jefferson
Known as the “Silent Member” of Congress, he was a reluctant candidate for President. Jefferson was a quiet, but effective manager. He preferred working in the privacy of his own office rather than in the public eye. He did not like to give public addresses, but was more comfortable using his pen than his voice.

Benjamin Franklin
Because of his prodigious writing, much is known about this great man. He was a printer, a scientist, an inventor, a writer, a diplomat, and much more. We also know that he was a satirist, had many, many friends, and was a social butterfly. Franklin was quite a character — known as quite a bit of a party animal, especially when in France

John Hancock
Hancock is best remembered for his flamboyant signature on the Declaration of Indolence. He was quite gregarious, and well liked and therefore he was especially influential in high society, which was important in securing support for the revolution.

Benjamin Rush
Dr. Rush was handsome, well spoken, and a very attractive figure and was beloved by the community where he practiced medicine–extensively amongst the poor. A popular and much loved man, he was nonetheless a fallible character–he liked to gossip and was quick to rush to judgement about others.

Ask the Expert

What do these Colors mean anyway?

I recently had a person ask me if I could better explain what these four Colors are so that she could better understand how this whole system works and how to apply it to her life.

Most people, she said, just hear about “Red,” “Blue,” “White,” and “Yellow” and then a few behavioral qualities that describe what each type is like. She also wanted to know what the Colors themselves mean.

I thought this was such a great question! It’s at the heart of Dr. Hartman’s theory, and I probably too often assume that everybody understands it already.

So here’s my quick lesson on MOTIVES.

Whenever I deliver a Color Code workshop, there are a couple of points that I like to share right up front. They are:

There is no Color that is better or worse than any other Color. (Period).
Each Color brings wonderful strengths to the table and can be encumbered by terrible limitations.
There is no “right” or “wrong” Color combination between people in a relationship.

In other words, any Color can work with any other Color in a professional setting, and any Color can be in a meaningful personal relationship with any other Color. Every relationship combination under the sun requires work. Every relationship combination has the potential to be wildly successful or absolutely devastating.

The key is understanding what makes people tick—what motivates them to do what they do.

From there, you can understand what to expect or not to expect, how to communicate, how to inspire, how to express love, how to grow, etc.

So what do the Colors “Red,” “Blue,” “White,” and “Yellow” mean, anyway?

It is important to realize that the Colors in and of themselves don’t mean anything at all. Just because I’m a Yellow, for example, doesn’t mean that I like the color yellow, or look good in the color yellow, etc. The Colors are just a simple metaphor to communicate a more complex meaning.

The key bit of information here is to remember what MOTIVATES each of the Colors. In other words, what is the driving force behind they way that they think, behave, and feel. We call this the “Driving Core Motive” or “DCM” for short. Here is a list of the DCMs by Color Code:

Reds are motivated by Power
Blues are motivated by Intimacy
Whites are motivated by Peace
Yellows are motivated by Fun

Let’s take a moment now, to define what each of these DCMs mean, because once you understand that, this idea of “Colors” and “Motives” and what to do with this information should be a lot more meaningful to you as you evaluate the various relationships in your life and ponder on what is working well and what requires improvement.

What does it mean to be motivated by Power, as a Red?

Sometimes people think about power in terms of control. While it’s true that Reds do like to be in control of their circumstances and are attracted to leadership opportunities, that’s not a very complete picture of what Power really means to Reds. To Reds, Power generally means that they desire the ability to move from “point A” to “point B”—and they want to do it in the most direct and efficient way possible.

I like to think about the Spanish and Portuguese translation for the word “power” as a verb. The translated word is “poder” which means, “To be able to do.” That, to me, is a very fitting description of what Power means to a Red. They want to be “productive and efficient” in my Red wife’s description.

Next, let’s consider what it means to be motivated by Intimacy, as a Blue.

Being motivated my Intimacy means that Blues like to connect with others on a deep and meaningful level. Just ask any Blue how they feel about people who are fake/superficial, and I guarantee you will get quite a strong reaction. They want nothing to do with those kinds of people, because Intimacy for a Blue is about truth, legitimacy, integrity, loyalty, and sincerity.

Another fun question to ask Blues is simply, “How many friends do you have?” It’s a simple enough question, but most Blues will immediately come to the conclusion that there is a real difference between friends and acquaintances, and they’ll process this on a very serious level. At the end of their contemplation, most Blues will tell you that they can count the number of their friends on one hand, because those are the people with whom they feel that real, intimate connection.

Incidentally, if you ask a Yellow the same question, they will probably quote you their Facebook stats. 😉

The next look we will take is at the Whites who are motivated by Peace.

When I ask people what they think Peace means to a White, they usually come up with a definition that centers around a general lack of conflict. While it is true that most Whites are not typically big fans of conflict, their definition of Peace runs deeper than that.

To a White, Peace is all about inner harmony and balance. They don’t like to have that equilibrium disrupted. That’s why they try to change the subject if you attempt to talk about something that makes them feel insecure. They don’t want to stir things up inside.

Think about how centered and consistent the Whites you know can be. They don’t get overly excited about things, and they don’t get really depressed about things either. They are consistent, even-tempered, and steady, because on the inside, they seek harmony and balance.

Last, but not least, we come to the Yellows in our discussion. Yellows are motivated by Fun.

Let’s talk about what that means, because most people misunderstand this about Yellows. Fun does not simply mean that Yellows are seeking endless frivolity and that they never take things seriously. (If that were true, I would NOT be writing this article, because to me writing is definitely not fun. Haha.). People incorrectly assume that Yellows don’t like structure, when in fact, they crave it. It only looks like they resist it because most Yellows don’t know how to create structure on their own.

Fun to a Yellow actually means “living in the moment.” It means that they enjoy the process of what they are doing far more than the end result. That’s why Yellows are generally so engaged and “present” when you are with them. They are focused on the here and now and nothing else. Carpe Diem or “seize the day” is a Yellow way of life.

In a work setting, Yellows simply find a way to enjoy whatever it is they are doing – no matter how mundane. They’ll focus on the camaraderie, the experiences they have, the social interaction their work provides, etc. They tend to think very optimistically, and if they can be positive and enjoy their work, they will find it easier to commit and excel in whatever it is that they are doing.

So there you have my brief, introductory lesson on the Colors themselves and on the DCMs that drive them. One last little lesson I’ll leave you with is this…

When you consider the four DCMs of Power, Intimacy, Peace, and Fun, please take note that none of these motives are positive… nor are they negative. Power, Intimacy, Peace, and Fun in and of themselves are all neutral. The APPLICATION of Power, Intimacy, Peace, and Fun is what makes them positive or negative.

I hope this overview on the four motive styles helps you better understand the people around you. All life is about relationships. There are no areas of life that are NOT impacted by relationships, so please study these patterns. Seek to understand motives and you will be far more effective in all areas of your life.

Very best of living,

Jeremy Daniel
Training Director
Color Code International

Tackling Father’s Day

Last month we discussed how to celebrate Mother’s Day based on each driving core motive. This month, we’ll tackle Father’s Day.

This will be a bit more complex, because we have to allow for what I call the “man filter”.

What is the “man filter?” It is the socialital imposed filter that says, “boys don’t cry”, or “tough it out”, or “real men don’t eat quiche.” You know what I mean. They have learned the need to be strong and unemotional, regardless of their Color Code driving core motive.

I know, I know…we all have filters—including women. But, for this article, we will include this particular filter where applicable—which makes describing Father’s Day a bit more challenging.

The Red Father

Your Red father has always been the unquestioned leader in the home. He is resourceful, responsible, and always provides you with good advice and direction. However, there is no doubt he is in control. His leadership is absolutely unquestioned. He loves you, but doesn’t always show it. Your father can be quite demanding and expects you to live up to his demands.

Be careful when you ask your Red dad what he wants for father’s day. Remember, he is literal, logical, and a bit selfish. He just might out with “a Callaway Men’s Big Bertha Alpha udesign Driver” to the tune of $600. I mean, he did give you LIFE right? Instead you might just say, “How ‘bout we go golfing on me?” Just don’t be offended when he criticizes your swing. If you give him a t-shirt that says “World’s Greatest Dad”, you might just catch him using it as a chamois.

The Blue Father

The Blue father is the biggest victim of the “man filter”. He is motivated by intimacy, but does not want to appear weak by showing too much tender emotion. If you are his daughter, the filter may not be a problem. If you are his son, you might find your father to be judgmental and hard to please. Don’t be fooled. He loves you a lot. He worries about you. He brags about you. He wants nothing more than to see you happy and settled.

Your Blue father will be gratified at any acknowledgement given for his part in your success in life, your happiness and well-being. If you give him a t-shirt that says “World’s Greatest Dad”, he might not wear it to work, but he’ll wear it when alone and puttering and will always remember when you gave it to him.

The White Father

Your White father is quiet, but observant and the most enduring of parents. He wants you to have the best life possible. When you ask, he will give well thought-out logical advice. It will be with no judgment or demands. If he is disappointed in you, he won’t lecture, bluster, or punish. He’ll sit in his lazy-boy with a soulful, disappointed look and shake his head. You will feel very small indeed.

Spend some quiet time with your dad on Father’s Day. Don’t make a big production out of it. If he comes to your house for the celebration, don’t be offended if he seems to be in a hurry to go home, where he is most comfortable. If you give him a t-shirt that says “World’s Greatest Dad” you will find it in his closet many years from now, with the tags still on it.

The Yellow Father

Your Yellow father is energetic and full of life. He loves adventure and wants his kids to love it, too. He is inclusive of your friends…the more the merrier, and your house is the most likely place to congregate. He isn’t very good at commitments or discipline. He might threaten in the heat of the moment, but seldom follows through. He might be the dad who will spend his last few dollars taking the whole family to dinner and a movie, only to have the heat turned off the next day.

Call your Yellow dad and ask him what he wants to do. He won’t have any qualms about telling you. He’ll want to be surrounded by those he loves. Figure out a fun adventure that everyone can participate in. If you give him a t-shirt that says “World’s Greatest Dad” he will wear it with pride.

So, no matter what color your father is, the only thing he really wants is to know that he did well, and that you are happy. Be sure and give him what he wants.

Happy Father’s Day! CC