A Red, a Blue, and 10,000 Steps

I bought a Fitbit^®. For those of you who have been say, on the moon, a Fitbit^® is a small device that when tucked into your pocket, counts the steps you walk in the course of a day—all 24 hours of it. This latest craze recommends that you walk 10,000 steps in those 24 hours. Easy right? Ha!

Being a Red, it is important for me to be challenged and I thought this handy little piece of technology would do exactly that. Ha! again. I have owned said product since February 18^th and have yet to walk 10,000 steps in a day. The closest I have come is 8,044 steps and that is the day I had to visit the Apple Store’s Genius Bar and ended up walking from one end of the mall to the other, and paced for 3 hours while my repairs were being made.

In the normal course of the day, and because my job is sedentary, I walk around 3500 steps. Challenged by the Fitbit^®, I now force myself to get up several times a day and “pace” out 100 steps. I walk to the store rather than drive, and I make sure to take extra steps while doing housework, etc. Still, with all of the increased walking, I am getting only around 6000 steps per day.

What does all this have to do with Color Code you ask? Read on…

Every night while preparing for bed I mumble things like “I can’t believe it is so difficult to walk 10,000 steps” or “Really? All that walking and I’m at 6452 steps!”

I realize my mistake the minute I look into my Blue husband’s blue eyes. “Well”, he says, “if I were you…”

Before I go on, let me just say this. You people out there think that in a Red/Blue relationship, the Red is the boss. Ha! again. Blues have a way of making Reds capitulate to any demand. We might have our dander raised, but if we say anything, it just means MORE DISCUSSION. Point Blue.

But, to give him credit, my husband never, ever begins said discussion with “You should …”

Why? He may be judgmental, but he isn’t stupid.

Instead, he begins expressing his opinion by using one of these seemingly innocuous openings:

“If it were me…”

“If I were you…”

“I usually…”

Example: I’m at a stop sign, stuck with 3 cars behind me, and unrelenting traffic in front of me—no way out. This is when he can’t resist calmly stating, “I usually go the other way where there is a light to make a left turn.”

Or: We are on a cruise to celebrate our anniversary. I have done nothing but hug a garbage can all night. Soothingly, he whispers, “If I were you, I wouldn’t think about being seasick, and then you won’t be. It worked for me.”

Yes. He is still alive and not resting at the bottom of the Gulf of Mexico.

Now…back to the story.

Where was I? Oh, yes.

“Well, he says in his thoughtful, analytical way, “If I were you I would calculate how many steps you have to take and then, based on your stride, convert it into miles, and then just get out there and walk that many miles.”

I stare at him, dumbfounded. “Really?” I think, “You’re saying that walking more will increase my step numbers?” I mean, he could have just told me that the sky is blue, or that candy bars are fattening, or some other tidbit that every single person on planet earth already knows.

Still, because (while it doesn’t sound that way now) I adore him, I don’t tell him that I’m impressed with his firm grasp of the obvious. I just continue to stare. Undeterred by my bemused look, he promptly uses his college algebra, solves for X and then proudly lets me know that to get 10,000 steps I have only to walk to the golf course and back everyday.

I can’t resist. I tell him, a bit sarcastically, that I have this small piece of technology in my pocket to solve for distance. What I’d like is for him to solve for TIME.

“Well, you just have to make the time. Maybe you can set your alarm to wake earlier,” he shrugs and goes back to his book. Problem solved.

Blues follows the rules. They are highly disciplined. Once they make a commitment, they are dependable and deliberate. My husband believes that if you are meant to take 10,000 steps, you should just get out and take 10,000 steps.

Me? I’m tempted to put the Fitbit^® on my dog’s collar and curl up with a good book. But, the numbers and the challenge to achieve them nag me, and so I march forth on my quest for 10,000 steps. CC

Teresa Glenn has been working with the Color Code since 2006, where her main focus is product development. She has been in the publishing and product development field for over 20 years. Teresa is a core Red with a strong Yellow secondary.

Ask the Expert

Mr. Jeremy-

Hello. My name is Emma, and I am a Blue. When I received my test results I noticed that Blues have a lot of needs to be fulfilled. They need to be appreciated, to be understood, be kind to, etc. However, I don’t feel like I’m getting these needs met. I also don’t know how to ask for them, because I feel like that is imposing too much on other busy people.

Is there a way I can either eliminate these needs or fulfill them myself? If not, how do I ask for these needs to be met? I don’t want to impose on others or scare them off because I’m needy. Thanks.

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Dear Emma,

Thank you so much for writing in with your excellent question. I would love to respond, and I hope that what I have to say can really be helpful to you. Here’s what we are going to cover in brief:

Every Color has significant Needs & Wants (not just Blues).

The only Color that absolutely requires the involvement of others to be fulfilled.

Asking for what you need (without feeling guilty).

To begin, please allow me to say, that you were so nice in the way that you asked the question, I wondered to myself whether you have a White secondary color. I haven’t seen your results, but it wouldn’t surprise me if you do.

That said, it seems it would be nearly impossible for you to “scare someone off”. 🙂

The reason I bring this up will become more apparent when I get to part 3 of my response.

For now, back to the top of the list…

1. Every Color has significant Needs & Wants (not just Blues).

When you read through your list of Needs & Wants, I can see how it would feel like you might have a lot of them, but please don’t be overwhelmed by that. Every Color has significant Needs & Wants. Blues may need to be good morally, but at the same time, Reds need to look good academically, and Whites need to feel good inside, and Yellows need to look good socially. (Do you get what I mean?)

So don’t think that you have more than others, per se, although it is possible that you could be more “needy” (your words) in having those be fulfilled. It is also possible, that as a Blue (and the same is usually true for Whites), you tend to be too hard on yourself.

I’m not sure which is the case, because I’ve never met you, but both are very real possibilities for you to consider after gathering some constructive feedback from people who really know you.

Let’s move to the next topic.

2. The only Color that absolutely requires the involvement of others to be fulfilled.

Of the four Driving Core Motives: Power (Red), Intimacy (Blue), Peace (White), and Fun (Yellow), the only one of these that absolutely REQUIRES the involvement of others to be fulfilled is… (you guessed it!), the Blues.

By definition, “Intimacy” requires the involvement of other people to be fulfilled. Power, Peace, and Fun, you can do on your own.

A lot of the Blues that I know or have worked with over time will also mirror your comment on feeling like they are not getting enough fulfillment from others. It’s pretty common, and Blues tend to have high expectations of the way that others should treat them.

The reason why, (which is extremely important to know, by the way), is that Blues give of themselves and serve others on a very high level. You, as a Blue, Emma, probably have really high expectations of yourself and are hard on yourself when you are not serving or giving on the level that you believe you should be. Truth be told, your expectations of yourself, (if you are like most Blues), are probably too high. When you have high expectations of yourself, most Blues extend that out to other people as well, and therefore you have high expectations of the way others should be interacting with you.

A Blue might think, “If I were you, and I knew my friend were struggling with ‘X’ problem, I would do this, or that, or…”

The logic that follows is dangerous, because it looks like this, “but because you’re not doing [what I would do], it could ONLY mean that you just don’t (fill in the blank… for example: ‘really care about me at all’)!”

If you fall into that way of thinking, I suggest you work on giving people a bit of a break. It’s not fair to hold them to the same high standards that you have of yourself, (which are likely unrealistic anyway). This can help eliminate some of the “neediness”.

We see the same kind of thing happen with other Colors, incidentally. For example, Reds are extremely productive, and they push themselves to accomplish quite a LOT of work. They have the tendency to expect similar levels of output for those who work for them, which can be completely unrealistic and can result in major burnout from their employees.

The bottom line is that it is dangerous to make comparisons between what we expect of ourselves and the way we think other people should be doing things.

So, let’s focus next on:

3. Asking for what you need (without feeling guilty).

As I mentioned at the beginning of my response, I felt that you asked about this so nicely, almost as a White might ask. Most Blues are a little stronger about asking for what they need, though they still might worry that they are the problem.

In any case, I think the first key is to know the Color of the person from whom are you asking for additional consideration so that you can really put it in their language as opposed to doing it in yours. When you try to make them see it your “Blue” way, sometimes that feels needy to other people.

My experience, though, is that people don’t mind if you ask, as long as you speak their language. Try to think rationally instead of emotionally before you ask. Find a way in advance to keep your request succinct and sincere without requiring that the other person completely UNDERSTANDS (Blues tend to want to force that bit of it) all of the circumstances surrounding your request, and emotions, etc. That’s when it usually feels like it is too much for others.

Try to keep it light, and realize that as a Blue, it still may come across a little heavy to the other person. Remember, your standards are not their standards.

Thanks again, Emma! I hope that helps.

Very best of living,

Jeremy Daniel
Training Director
Color Code International

Jeremy Daniel (Core Color: Yellow) has been working with the Color Code since 1998 in various capacities from training in the field personally with Dr. Taylor Hartman to designing customized corporate solutions and new training programs for various industries. To ask about Jeremy’s training or speaking services, please email and inquiry to jeremy@colorcodetraining.com.

St. Patrick’s Day–Getting Lucky Using Color Code

St. Patrick’s day is celebrated on March 17th throughout the world. Throughout the celebration, you will most likely see a someone wearing t-shirt that exclaiming “Kiss me, I’m Irish” no matter whether the wearer is Irish or not. On March 17th, there’s a bit o’ the Irish in all of us.

Another saying you’ll find oft repeated “The Luck of the Irish”. The origin of the saying is an old one. It could actually mean good luck or bad. Some believe that the Irish are inherently lucky while others believe that the Irish people have suffered great hardship throughout history and the term is one of irony.

So, when talking about luck, we might be better off going with another ironic saying–this one from Thomas Jefferson. He said, “I’m a great believer in luck, and I find the harder I work the more I have of it.”

How do we create our own luck? Just follow the suggestions below and by this time next year you may just have found your pot ‘o gold.

REDS come by luck easily. Reds love to win and don’t hesitate to go after what they want both logically and methodically. Reds are confident and single-minded. Challenges are great motivators for a Red simply because they do like to win. Being a natural leader, a Red will surround himself with a productive and focused team who will do his bidding. This can only enhance his luck.

However. In order to attain that pot o’ gold, we must have a well-rounded life. Unfortunately, on the relationship front, a Red can be lacking the sensitivity to maintain a “lucky” relationship. He can be demanding, critical, and insensitive, which may hold him in good stead in his professional life, but not his personal life. No friend or lover wants to hear about her (perceived) failings from someone who is supposed to cherish her.

A Red’s map to the pot o’ gold? Focus on your relationships. Work hard on your natural limitations of selfishness, insensitivity, and bossiness. Remember. There is a huge difference between being a boss and being a leader. You will find that people will be more responsive if you give accolades where due.

BLUES are lucky because, for them, their treasure at the end of the rainbow is successful and fulfilling relationships. Blues consider themselves rich if they are surrounded by those they care about–and are secure in the knowledge that their love is returned.

Blue’s are easy to love—your compassion is endless, but you can also be hard to please and judgmental. It can difficult to please a Blue because you want things just so and often expect the same perfection in others. You adhere to the rules and expect others to follow suit. Your relationships may suffer for it.

A Blue’s roadmap to the pot o’ gold? Muster up all of your strengths, because a healthy Blue is unbeatable in relationships. Conversely, you must learn to recognize your limitations and learn to accept others as they are. Have compassion for us lesser mortals, and think before you judge.

WHITES are lucky because they are so emotionally balanced. They are logical, but motivated by peace. This rare balance is the reason Whites are both objective and diplomatic. Whites are great listeners and can handle problems unemotionally. Whites are kind and rarely go out of their way to deliberately hurt someone.

Unfortunately, You can be taciturn and this makes it very difficult for those around to appreciate all that you have to offer. Unless you really trust someone, they will never crack the mystery that is a White.

A White’s roadmap must be accompanied by your desire to get there. You have a tendency to procrastinate initiating new goals in your life. Make the effort to focus (and carry through with) tearing down the obstacles that will allow others to share your journey in life.

YELLOWS are perhaps perceived as the luckiest of all the colors. A Yellow’s joy not only lies in what’s at the end of the rainbow, but the rainbow itself. They have such a fun-loving nature and people are naturally drawn to there charisma. Yellows contribute creativity and bursts of enthusiasm to whatever endeavor they pursue.

Yellows are willing to be flexible and often, this might be bowing out of an engagement because something better came along. Your fun-loving nature makes you want to be where the action is.

A Yellow’s roadmap to the treasure? For you the treasure is only a means to an end. It’s the journey that brings riches to a Yellow. Just remember not to be so self-centered that you forget that others have chosen to take the journey with you. Be mindful of their needs and wants.

Thomas Jefferson said it all. We have to work hard to achieve luck. In order for us to reach the gold at the end of the rainbow, we must focus on the journey and pay close attention to those whom we have committed to share this remarkable adventure.

Happy St. Patrick’s Day and may the (good) luck of the Irish be with you.

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Ask the Expert

“My name is Ellen–I’m a White”

This month’s Ask the Expert article comes from a series of questions submitted by one of our subscribers, “Ellen”. Her actual email, while excellent, is too long to post here, however, we have summarized key questions in the responses below.

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Hello, Ellen.

Thank you so much for your email, and your excellent questions! I hope that my responses will be helpful to you. I’d like to address three of your main questions here in that hope:

Q: Do you have any advice for Whites on “success in a solo business setup”? (You mentioned feeling that business seems out of Character for a White.)

Q: If a White is doing something they believe in, do they “toughen up” naturally, or is there a set of conditioning practices I would suggest?

Q: How do Whites shine in business? In what sense, if any, are Whites “leaders”?

Rather than take these in sequence, I’ll attempt to summarize an answer to all of them.

First of all, please know that we absolutely believe that any Color can do any job or function in any kind of career. I’ve shared our program with so many people in all walks of life all over the world, and I know that to be true. There are in fact, many, Whites in business. They function very well in both team settings an as “solopreneurs”.

Typically Whites don’t require a lot of socializing and can prefer to work as independently as possible. However, that’s not true for all Whites. In fact, most of the Whites I know have the ability to both stand out as great team contributors or “fly solo” depending on their circumstances.

You have to remember that no two Whites are ever exactly the same. You might not know that we refer to Whites as the “chameleons” of the Color Code, because they are the most adaptable of any other Color. They have an uncanny natural ability (usually) to fit into whatever role that they need to. If that means that they must be more extroverted while in their work setting, so be it. They can do that and then comfortably step back out of that role when the job is done.

I think some of their best leadership characteristics involve being both powerfully independent, (you know you don’t feel the need to do what everybody else is doing, or thinks you should be doing) and being self-regulated. I think of the latter as having the ability to have “ice water in your veins,” so to speak. Whites don’t feel the need to hit the “panic button,” and are willing to replace emotional impulse with more rational thought.

Regarding leadership in general, I believe there are many White leaders who absolutely shine in their performance while maybe not having to be in the spotlight. I don’t know whether you’ve ever read any of Jim Collins’ work, but he wrote a blockbuster, best-selling business book called, Good to Great. The premise of the book is to identify the differences that exist in good, solid companies, and those that are truly great. One of the difference that Dr. Collins writes about is the fact that “great” companies are guided by something he coined as “Level 5 Leadership”. When I read about what a Level 5 Leader is, I thought that many of them must be Whites.

So, yes, Whites are cut out for leadership. They have a lot to offer – and that includes you specifically, by the way!

In terms of recommendations, the first thing that I would suggest is that you base your journey off of a solid sense of Self Awareness. Know who you are as a unique White. Understand what your strengths and your limitations are. One of the easiest way to do this is through our Character Code Assessment. It’s so revealing to take the assessment on yourself, and ask five other people to evaluate you as well. Ask them to be brutally honest and not try to protect you from feedback that could be perceived as being negative. (Believe it or not, but people are generally more protective towards Whites than any other Color, because they see you as being so nice and gentle and think that others will try to take advantage. Don’t take that personally. They just don’t know how tough you really are.) 😉

The assessment will encourage you to identify your top three limitations and then start to look for an antidote to those problems. I think that’s good advice, and I would look for people who can help you overcome those challenges. I would also advise you to identify (and even ask for feedback on) your top three strengths. Use those strengths to push forward in your leadership efforts and lean on them whenever you need to. This is important, because Whites often see themselves as being far less adequate than they actually are.

Again, accurate self-awareness can go a long, long way.

Another few bits of advice that I would offer Whites in general (and hopefully there is some application for you here), are as follows:

Learn to make decisions proactively. Trust in your decisions and take ACTION. Too many times White over-think and over-think and over-think. If you can’t decide on a project or a direction, just pick one, or find somebody you trust to help you make the decision and take meaningful action. Don’t give up when things don’t work out the first time. You might love the thinking stage, but staying in that stage is the same as confining yourself to a perpetual state of limbo. Try to work through that.

I would also advise you consciously decide to increase both the quality and the quantity of communication. Share what’s going on with other people, even when you don’t necessarily feel like connecting. It lets people know that you are engaged and interested. It helps them know where you are coming from and what you are feeling/thinking. You might be amazed at home many times people have expressed their frustration with Whites because of the lack of communication. I know that you may not need it, but other people do, and you need other people.

(It’s as simple as that).

In closing, I repeat myself when saying that you are more powerful and capable than you probably realize. If you want to go into business and the thought of it excites you, do it. You are tougher than you think.

Thanks, Ellen, for asking. I wish you all the best on your upcoming business ventures.

Many happy returns!

Jeremy Daniel
Training Director
Color Code International

Ask the Expert

Dear Jeremy,

I have a concern and could use some advice. I’m a strong blue. I work as a nurse and deal with Red personalities at times. As you can guess, these Reds come in the form of doctors.

I have one doctor currently who enjoys belittling and intimidating me in front of other medical team members. My first and only contact so far was not pleasant. I have had texting communication (his preferred way to communicate) since then but not face to face.

I know I need to demand respect from him or he will continue this behavior. Do you have any other suggestions. I’m not feeling any support from my 2 supervisors. I’ve looked through the book on the do’s and dont’s with reds but I’m feeling rather passive in my gearing up for next confrontation.

I know this will not help me succeed in this relationship. I have had issues in the past where other Red docs have been allowed this behavior and it’s become abusive. I left that situation. I NEED this job. Can you give some advice?

Sincerely, Amy.

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Hello, Amy.

Thank you so much for taking the time to write to us about your challenges in the workplace. I can very much appreciate your situation, because we have worked with several nurse groups over the years where we have witnessed the exact same type of conflict you are describing. I’m sorry to say that it is probably more common than the general public may realize, and it is definitely concerning to me.

I have some ideas for you to try for sure. Just know upfront that I understand that a lot of these things are a lot easier said than done (of course!). However, these things WILL be helpful, so they are worth implementing.

Here we go:

1. Remember to not personalize.

This will be a big long-term help for you as a Blue. It won’t fix the immediate conflict with this particular doctor; however, if you intend to stay in the field, you’re going to run into this situation again (as you already have before), and not personalizing could absolutely change the way that you deal with these kinds of things forever. When you refuse to personalize, the other person’s behavior can’t affect you.

What you have to remember here is that when Reds say something that you perceive as being mean or abrasive, they probably don’t mean it as a personal attack. (As a Blue, I’m sure you’re wondering how on Earth it could not be personal, but just know that it probably is not). So, it’s better to not allow it to affect you. Sure, an unhealthy Red might be egotistical and arrogant, but that is their issue – not yours – so don’t start carrying their baggage for them.

2. Earn a Red’s respect by standing up for yourself.

This is HUGE. I’ve learned this from personal experience. The number one thing on a Red’s list is RESPECT. If a Red can’t respect you, they will find it nearly impossible to work with you.

That said you have to gain the respect of this doctor you’re working with.

The way you do this is to stand up for yourself and establish boundaries (but you have to do it in a non-emotional way). At some point in the near future, you will need to talk with this doctor face to face. You have to very simply let him know that you have felt belittled in the past (give examples) and tell him that you are not okay being treated that way. Let him know that you respect him and want to keep things professional and ask that he respect you as well. Then move on and show him that you are willing to work together without carrying baggage.

Here are some tips specifically for this conversation:

Keep it very brief. Try to cover this in a few sentences in 1-2 minutes. Do not go on past that.
Be BRIEF, be BOLD, and be GONE. While you are saying what you need to say. Stay on point and be direct. Ask a final question like, “So are we good?” When you get a “Sure, we’re good.” Say, “Great, thanks for the talk.” and get out. Continue with your work day as if nothing happened.
Keep your cool. You MUST stay logical and direct. The minute you waiver or begin to get emotional, you will lose ground and risk being dismissed/confirmed in his mind as being weak and/or emotional which will make it easy for him to discount everything you tried to say.
Don’t threaten or lecture. That simply will not work.
Practice with a Red friend and ask them to be hard on you. Explore different ways the conversation could go. Use that safe environment to build confidence, and be sure to take your friend’s advice and feedback to heart as your natural Blue instincts may not be terribly helpful when it comes down to the real discussion.
Be sure to hold the actual conversation in ABSOLUTE PRIVACY. If you do this in front of other people, or where the Red might feel that you are being overheard, they will likely feel embarrassed professionally, which is a line you do NOT want to cross with a Red.

3. Understand that he might not take it well initially, but that doesn’t mean it didn’t work.

So let’s say that you prepare. You practice. You get coaching from a friend. You fine tune, and you’re finally ready to go. You have the conversation with this Red doctor and…

Best Case Scenario:

He says something like, “Thanks for bringing that to my attention. I wasn’t aware you felt that way.”

If that happens, mission accomplished! Time to celebrate and move forward. 🙂

Worst Case Scenario:

He categorically rejects everything that you say and gets argumentative.

Then what???

Well, for starters, stick with the plan. Don’t let him draw you into a fire fight. You won’t win that kind of battle and it may even cost you the entire war. Say what you need to say. Keep your cool (even if he loses his), and move on with your day.

What you said still might bring your desired outcome. I’ve seen that with lots of Reds before. The more insecure they are, the more they will argue and push back. That doesn’t mean they didn’t hear you nor does it mean that change will not be the result. They might just have a really, really hard time admitting to you that they were wrong because their ego is bruised. The higher their level of insecurity, the more push-back you will receive. But even if they don’t respond well immediately, stand your ground, and you will still win their respect as long as you have been factual, brief, non-emotional, non-lecturing, etc.

Good luck, my friend. I know it probably sounds scary, but you can do this!

Very best of living,

Jeremy

A Butt for Every Seat

How to Hire and Retain Great Employees

We’ve all heard the term “a butt for every seat” and it has never been truer than when applied to business. With employment rates climbing and jobs becoming more plentiful, the question is “How can I be sure it’s the right butt, and if it is, how do I keep it in the seat I provide?”

Right Butt/Right Seat

Finding the right person for the job is half the battle. There’s no doubt that certain jobs are best suited to certain personalities. According to Susan M. Heathfield, Human Resources Expert, you should “Select the right people in the first place through behavior-based testing and competency screening. The right person, in the right seat, on the right bus is the starting point.”¹

We agree. Very few HR departments are without the tools necessary to evaluate a prospective employee’s fit for the job they have open.

While all personality types can succeed in every occupation, it is also true that certain personality types are simply a better fit in many cases. Using a good personality evaluation tool—especially one you are well versed in, will go a long way in making the interview and hiring process successful.

Keeping Butts in Seats

Once you have hired a great employee, how do you keep them? As any HR professional knows, losing a key employee isn’t only devastating to the org chart, but tough on the bottom line. Replacing an employee—especially a key employee—can cost up to 150% of that employee’s annual salary just in hiring and training costs alone.²

Similar to using tools for hiring, it’s important to implement tools that will ensure keeping your brightest talent. This is where an effective employee retention plan comes into play.

A successful employee retention plan is not strictly about employee perks. Maintaining a stable workforce by focusing on why employees leave, reducing employee turnover through broader communication, management coaching, and strong workplace policies also make good business sense, and can result in significant cost savings to employers.

There is no shortage of studies done trying to pinpoint why people leave their job. While it is important to offer competitive compensation packages, money is not always the reason employees jump ship. Other issues are that they don’t like their boss or coworkers, they feel they are in the wrong position, they lack of empowerment or there was too little communication and feedback.

Based on study responses, a sound employee retention plan will offer employees:

Interpersonal skills training
Learning why your co-workers behave the way they do will help to develop healthy relationships based on mutual understanding of each others needs and wants. More importantly, managers will come to realize that employees differ widely depending on their personality and should not all be treated in the same manner.
Empowerment
Empowering employees is the key to your company’s success, and in more ways than one. Empowering your employees will keep them motivated and focused. If you have a great employee you’d like to keep, empower him. Test his moxie. If you have an employee who is floundering, do the same. You might, at best, find a diamond in the rough, or at worse, find he isn’t a good fit.
Feedback
Every employee needs feedback, positive and negative. Too often, managers shy away from this potentially unpleasant task. Learning to give constructive feedback is an essential skill that should be a requirement for anyone in a managerial position. The goal of feedback is to improve employee performance, and in-turn, company performance.
Coaching/Mentoring
The end goal of coaching/mentoring is to fulfill the needs and wants of your employee while achieving organizational goals. A win/win. You can accomplish this by helping each individual minimize his personal limitations while he harnesses his strengths to improve his own ability.

Conclusion

Learning how to hire, and keep great employees is a major key to any company’s success. Building employee moral through training, communication, and trust will go a long way in making sure the right butt stays in the seat you’ve provided.

To learn more about how Color Code helps companies in these matters, download our free ebook entitled “Employee Solutions” by clicking on the ad to the right. CC

Download our complimentary ebook “Employee Solutions”.

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¹http://humanresources.about.com/cs/retention/a/turnover_2.htm

² http://www.hri-online.com/hr-the-costs-of-employee-turnover

Is That ALL!?

4 Building Blocks for Charactered Children

The family is gathered for the holidays. You have gone out of your way to search out the perfect gift. You may have spent more than planned, but you believe it will be worth it when you see the light in the child’s eye. Then, everything implodes. The child opens the gift and says, “Is that ALL?” or “I didn’t want this!” or “You got me clothes?!” You are torn between embarrassment and anger. You want to take the gift back from him, but fear you’ll look as immature as the child.

Sadly, many of us are raising our children in a “is that all?” society. We see meltdowns in the grocery store, tantrums in restaurants, and overall bad behavior when a child doesn’t get his way. If this behavior goes unchecked, by the time these children become teenagers, they are deeply entrenched in entitlement issues that cannot be easily undone.

Building Character

“Character building begins in our infancy and continues until death.” -Eleanor Roosevelt

Every time you say no to your child, it is one more brick in his character. It is critical to begin building character, block by block, when your childern are young and their foundation is steady and strong…and receptive.

Remember, character in not innate. We learn by example, good and bad. Like my mother, we must set good examples, along with expectations, throughout our child’s life. Otherwise they will learn from their environment and by those whose character you may not want to be an example. Follow these 4 building blocks and you will help create character from which your child will benefit his entire life.

BUILDING BLOCKS

INTEGRITY

“Integrity is doing the right thing, even when no one is watching.” -CS Lewis

Integrity is the foundation on which we build character. It encompasses honesty, morality, ethics, rectitude…the list goes on. As with all things, a child learns from observing behaviors in his environment. Everything you do and say in front of a child is neatly tucked away in his memory banks.

Role-play reinforcement. Pretend your child just found a $10 bill outside of a toy store. Ask your child what he would do with it. You are watching as a classmate is bullied. How do you react? You forgot to study for a test and the person in front of you clearly knows all the answers and you can see them. What would you do? Don’t just do this once. Repeat often.
Expect the truth. If you allow your child to get away with little white lies, they will learn that lies are a reasonable way to get out of trouble. If unchecked, lies will become easier in the telling.
Obey the rules. The term “rules were meant to be broken” can become a crutch. Do not compromise on the importance of good citizenship. Always reinforce that rules are there for a reason.

RESPECT

“Respect is a two-way street, if you want to get it, you’ve got to give it.” – R.G. Risch

As a Red, respect is very important to me. Nothing pushes my buttons more than when a child disrespects an adult. Luckily, I also know that children require respect. Children learn by example. If you try to teach your children respect by treating them disrespectfully, they will, ironically, learn disrespect.

Show appreciation. When a child does what you’ve asked of him, tell him thank-you. Positive reinforcement goes a long way in communicating how a child should respond in-kind.
Listen. Before your disagreement escalates into an all out battle, take the time to listen to your child. You never know…he just might have a point. Again, this will also reinforce that you respect him. He will, in turn, learn the value of listening.
Teach by example. If your child overhears you making snide comments about your boss, or you are rude to a server at a restaurant, he will soon learn that this kind of disrespect is acceptable.

RESPONSIBILITY

“You cannot escape the responsibility of tomorrow by evading it today.” –Abraham Lincoln

Responsibility will serve your child well throughout his life. Responsibility encompasses, work ethic, self-worth, self-discipline, and ownership. Studies show that children who are expected to contribute to the household at a very early age, learn self-discipline and pride in a job well done.

Be consistent. Set a time each day when children are responsible for a particular chore such as picking up toys. Don’t ply them with empty threats like, “If you don’t pick up that toy, I’ll throw it away”. They need to know that they are picking up the toys because it is their responsibility to do so, and not because of idle threats.
Make sure they do their fair share. Ninety-nine percent of the time, it is easier to put out the napkins yourself, but you have assigned your 3-year-old to be the “napkin-guy” then it is important to make sure he does this chore consistently, even if it means pausing Bob the Builder. Sharing responsibility for household chores gives children a feeling of accomplishment.
Reward truthfulness. It is important that children learn to take responsibility for their own actions. It is instinctual to try to hide the misdeed, or worse, to blame an innocent party. Praise him for owning the blame before addressing the action itself.

EMPATHY

“True contentment comes with empathy.” –Tim Finn

Most of us assume that empathy is innate, not learned, but studies show that empathy can not only be learned, but internalized when encouraged and fostered at an early age.

It is difficult for children to understand the plight of others when they haven’t experienced a similar situation. For example, if they have never gone hungry, they don’t understand the magnitude of how a child without food feels. If they have ten pairs of shoes in their closet, it is more unlikely they will feel empathy for a child who has no shoes. That is not to say that you should starve your child, but there are ways to expose him to those who lack his comforts.

Volunteer for those less fortunate. Make a tradition of working at a homeless shelter or food bank. Begin when your child is young so the need for the service you provide will be ingrained at an early age. In the beginning, they will watch you, later you will find a task that is age-appropriate. Your child won’t forget, and you’ll feel better too!
Point out vulnerable similarities. Gently remind your child of his own emotions and inadequacy when he was faced with a similar situation. Point out that when a child is teased, or worse, bullied, they feel the same way. If a child can relate on a personal level, he will understand the feeling of others more intensely and feel empathy for that person.
Expect children to give as well as receive. When a child presents you with a gift, show great appreciation. Take the child shopping to pick out a special toy for your favorite holiday charity. At first they won’t understand why they can’t keep this favored toy, but soon they will learn the satisfaction of giving.

So, this holiday season, it may be the perfect time to rethink your approach to building character. As parents we want our children to be happy. If that means giving in, against our better judgment, to the Xbox or iPhone so be it. The trouble is, that without the blocks necessary to build good and strong character, they won’t become the happy adults you want so desperately for them to become. They will become adults who say “Is that all?” CC

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Ask the Expert

Hi Jeremy,

My core color is Red (with a strong secondary blend of Blue and Yellow).

My husband is a core White, with Yellow secondary traits.

My issue: he thinks personality studies are stupid and a waste of time. I feel like he is limiting himself but refusing to understand himself and others… And limiting our relationship, since he doesn’t get my need to share and be understood.

Obviously I can’t change him, but what do I do? I’m frustrated!

Sincerely,
Heather

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Hi, Heather.

I’m sorry you are so frustrated. That would be very difficult. If it helps to know, you’re definitely not alone. Many people have come to us over the years with similar situations, and the good news is that I think you can work with this if you take a slightly different approach.

How Compliments Can Strengthen Your Relationships

“Everybody likes a compliment.” -Abraham Lincoln

Everybody does like a compliment when it is heartfelt and sincere. Nothing gives us greater validation and self-assurance than the recognition provided by someone we respect.

According to Phycologytoday.com’s article The Art of the Compliment, “Focusing on and noticing the good qualities in the world around us gives our moods a boost all by itself. Plus, it is a kind of cognitive training, a training of attention. In addition, compliments amplify positivity; they not only deliver positive effects to others, those effects bounce back on us, ramping up the positive atmosphere we breath.”

Learning to compliment someone effectively is fundamental when developing interpersonal skills. When positive praise is given, you will see immediate positive results in the recipient’s attitude and behavior. This benefits both the person giving and the person receiving the compliment.

This isn’t to say that you should throw out compliments willy-nilly. Do that and you will cease to be taken seriously—no longer be considered trustworthy in your praise. People can see through pandering and that will certainly cause negative results.

Following are a few tips to help you get started. Once you see the benefits, complimenting should come quite natural.

When complimenting a Red:

When complimenting a Red, don’t be surprised if they seem unaffected or nonchalant by the praise. The truth is that Red’s hold their insecurities close to the vest and seldom reveal them. Your compliment will hit the target; you just might not know it.

Reds want to be respected intellectually, so don’t bother with superficial compliments like “nice tie” or “cute shoes”. They want to hear how smart, decisive, and particularly how “right” they are, and preferably in front of the boss.

It must be stressed that more than any other color, Reds have a BS meter that will peg in the red if your compliment is phony. Don’t do it. You will lose the Red’s respect and invalidate the effort.

Here are some samples of compliments that a Red wants to hear:

That was a great solution to the problem.
You always give strong advice. What do you think of…?
Around you, I feel secure and protected.
You are an excellent boss (dad, mom, etc), and I am learning a lot from you.
You can do anything.

When complimenting a Blue:

Blues are the most desirous of compliments. They thrive on positive acknowledgment and it shows. They respond to positive feedback with loyalty and the determination to continue the positive behavior you have complimented.

They are also the personality it is most important to compliment. While Blues are great nurturers and will go out of their way to help, they can also be self-righteous and expect to be recognized for their acts. They will become resentful if they continue to go unrecognized.

Here are some samples of compliments that a Blue wants to hear:

I can’t believe you always remember my… (fill in the blank). Thank-you.
I don’t know how I would manage without you.
Everything you do, you do well, and it shows.
I appreciate how much you care about… (fill in the blank).
You’re organization skills are unbelievable!

When complimenting a White:

Don’t let Whites fool you. Like Mr. Lincoln said, “Everybody likes a compliment”, even Whites. They may appear detached, but they need to hear good things just like the rest of us.

Remember that Whites won’t seek out praise, nor will they complain when none is given. Watch out for all signs that lead to a potential compliment. Again, it must be stressed that the compliment be sincere and heartfelt. Whites will silently dismiss you if they don’t value what you have said.

Your opinions are obviously well thought out, and they matter.
Your diplomacy is refreshing and appreciated.
I appreciate how accepting you are of others.
Thank you for meeting your goals.
Thank you being such a good listener.

When complimenting a Yellow:

Ah, Yellows. First of all, they already know how great they are and will often beat you to the “compliment” punch by telling you so. You can compliment a Yellow all day, and not tell them anything they don’t already know. Right?

Wrong. Yellows can be insecure, so don’t let their narcissistic bluster fool you. They have insecurities and appreciate reassurance the same as everyone else.

If you want to motivate a Yellow, your compliments should be of a less superficial nature:

Thanks for taking the time to finish that project. It was important and I appreciate it.
You are incredibly creative. Let’s put that to use on…
I love that you are open to new ideas. What do you think of…?
You have awesome people skills.
Your enthusiasm and positive attitude always help to boost moral.

By learning the needs and wants of an individual and providing them with positive, legitimate praise, you will begin to see a change in them, and more importantly, a change in yourself. Instead of seeing the negative in people, you will soon find yourself with a more positive outlook…another block in your interpersonal skills foundation. CC

References

http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/200403/the-art-the-compliment

Ask the Expert

Hi, Jeremy.

I have been a fan of the Color Code for years and use it constantly while working on my own personal development. My family are all well-versed in Color Code as well, and it is part of our ongoing dialogue.

My question is, what do you do when somebody sees themselves as being one Color, but everyone around them sees them as being another Color entirely? Do you have some ideas on how to assess what is really going on?

Thanks!

Andre

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Hello, Andre.

Thanks for the question. Yes, that can be a tricky situation because the last thing that you want to do is make someone feel invalidated during this process – especially given the fact that you may not know what’s going on with him/her.

In my experience, this kind of issue usually comes down to one of the following three possibilities:

1. A “Filter” is impacting the way that you see the person,

2. His/Her childhood perspective may be skewed by undesirable circumstances, or

3. He/She genuinely lacks self-awareness.

Allow me to take these one at a time so that we can dive in a little deeper with each.

The first scenario that I mentioned is that a “filter” could be impacting the way that you see that person.

Filters are external factors/influences that may cause you to see someone differently from what their Core Color actually is.

For example, while teaching workshops, we show a slide called “Famous Reds”. We have pictures of Hillary Clinton, Simon Cowell, and (wait for it…) Mother Theresa displayed.

The usual response is something like, “What? Mother Theresa, a Red? I thought she would have been more White or Blue, actually.”

When you read about her life, however, you can see how determined, focused, driven, practical, and visionary (as in – Red, Red, Red) she truly was.

We just have the tendency to want to see her through the gifts of kindness and compassion that she stretched to give.

Filters can also reflect limiting behavior from other Colors – bad habits that were picked up from one source or another, for instance.

What is important to understand in the case of filters is that for better or for worse, they never change the Core Color, though they may make it harder for us to see the Core because of the layer of seemingly incongruent behaviors we are forced to look through.

Many times, if you can pinpoint the filter, you can decode what is going on with the individual and you may see them (or they may see themselves) much more clearly.

The second scenario is that the person’s childhood perspective may be skewed by undesirable circumstances.

When taking the Color Code Personality Assessment, we ask you to answer the questions based on your earliest recollections of how you were as a child. The reason we do this is to identify your Core Color in the most natural state possible before you learn to behave differently to adapt to a number of life experiences.

If a person had the misfortune of dealing with abuse, serious trauma, neglect, etc., during those childhood years, their results could potentially be skewed.

I actually wrote about this back in January in a short article that you can reference here:

http://blog.colorcode.com/ask-the-expert-25/

My biggest concern with someone in this situation is that they might feel, on some level, that they are fundamentally flawed – especially if they were made to feel worthless or inadequate by a figure who had major influence in their life. If that occurs, finding a way to help them actually value their Driving Core Motive and to embrace it might be quite difficult.

The last scenario that I mentioned is that the person may genuinely lack self-awareness.

This one is tough as well, because it’s hard when you don’t know what you don’t know, right? It’s like having a major blind spot in your life that everyone else can see… except you.

How hard will this be to sort out? Well, it depends on how humble the person is. Will they fight the feedback or will they embrace it? Are they willing to do the work and ask for the input of others, or does it make them feel afraid and/or defensive?

Feedback, coaching, and careful listening/processing are required to undo a self-imposed false image and then rebuild it. The good news, though, is that people do it all the time – especially when they know, like, trust, and feel valued by the person coaching them through the process.

Going back to your question, Andre, I think the first step will be to understand which of these scenarios the person you were asking about falls under. Moving forward from there should be less of a guessing game once you know.

Thank you, again, for your excellent question.

Very best of living!

Jeremy Daniel
Training Director
Color Code International