Ask the Expert: Be Yourself First…Then Adapt

You don’t have to change your entire persona to try to fit in. In fact, that probably won’t work. It might feel forced or perhaps scripted.

A few weeks ago, a student of the Color Code asked me a great question. She said, “I’m loving learning about how to adapt to work more effectively with each of the four Color Code styles, but I’m finding it difficult constantly trying to act like a Red for one co-worker and then switch into Yellow mode for somebody else. Does it get easier to present as each of the colors over time???”

While I applauded her commitment to applying what she’d been learning, I could tell she was seriously stressed over the idea of having to know everybody’s Color Code all the time and constantly trying to switch her style conversation by conversation.

As the realization of what she was attempting to do sunk in, I could see that she was simply overdoing things. I want to share with you the advice that I gave her in that moment. It was this:

“Be yourself first. Then adapt, if necessary.”

At the end of the day, it’s important to remember to be who you are. Remember to come from a place of authenticity, and you will be fine most of the time. People appreciate the fact that you are a real, unique, and completely valid human being. You have your little quirks, but so what? We all do! That’s one of the things that make others want to connect with us.

Then, there are those times, or those certain relationships, where little adjustments need to be made to create improvements. Maybe your boss really is a hard-charging Red, and you know that you need to stick to the “Red playbook” to maintain his/her respect. Guess what? You can still be a Blue, White, or Yellow, and “speak” Red. Be yourself, but get to the point, know your facts, execute competently, and things will be fine. No major adjustment necessary!

You don’t have to change your entire persona to try to fit in. In fact, that probably won’t work. It might feel forced or perhaps scripted.

I hope that makes sense. As much as I love, preach, and practice the Color Code, I would also remind you to not lose the wonderful person you are along the way. Rather, just be yourself, understand where people are coming from, and use this wonderful tool to make adjustments as you need to.

Here’s to your continued success!

Jeremy Daniel is the Vice President of Training for Color Code. He leads our Trainer Certification Program and has been teaching the Color Code and delivering motive-based applications to clients internationally since 1998.

How a Yellow Should Treat a Blue

For you Yellows out there who are married to or good friends with a Blue, it’s probably hard for you to understand them sometimes. If you don’t quite always know how to handle them, here are a few things you can do to treat your Blue loved ones right and help them stay sane.

Yellows and Blues are so opposite, it’s kind of comical. Yellows are carefree while Blues are professional worriers. Yellows are uncommitted and Blues are very committed. Yellows are self-centered and Blues are compassionate. These two colors are quite the opposite pair!

1. Help them see their worries in perspective

Worrying is tough for poor Blues, even though they’re so good at it. Don’t ignore their worries and don’t act like they don’t matter, either. Instead, help them see their worries in perspective by listening to why the Blue is worried and pointing out why they don’t have a reason to be. For example, if a Blue is worried they aren’t a good enough parent, ask them why they think that. If their answer has more to do with something they’re doing or not doing and not anything to do with their child’s behavior, help them see that. Point out evidence as to why they’re doing a great job and how much their kid loves them.

2. Combat their perfectionism with FUN

Blues are perfectionists, which can be a source of stress for them. As they go about their lives trying to be perfect in their behavior, relationships, work, various projects and to-dos, their mental health may suffer. Try to help break them of this perfectionism by showing them how they don’t have to be perfect and it can be fun. For example, if you’re married to a Blue, chances are they really like a clean house. But spending the weekend cleaning isn’t fun and may take way too much of their time as they try to perfectly polish the baseboards. To help them ease out of some of their perfectionism, take a weekend and camp out in the living room. Build a fort, buy some snacks, sleep on the couch cushions on the floor. Even though the mess may make them a little crazy, show them it’s OK to have fun and disregard responsibility for a weekend and that the mess can still get cleaned up later and it’ll all be OK.

3. Let Your Contagious Attitude Rub Off

Blues are very emotional and with their natural limitations of being overly sensitive and moody, life’s not always a happy dance for them. But Yellows’ natural gifts of being enthusiastic and optimistic are such a breathe of fresh air to be around. Blues need you and your happy nature to help them see the bright side of life. Watch Jimmy Fallon with them, take them out to an amusement park or just do something simple and fun together like go on a picnic and help them get out of their head. It’ll be good for them!

Yellows, you need Blues and Blues need you. Your strengths and gifts are such a blessing to them, please don’t underestimate that. Blues, what do you appreciate about the Yellow personality? Tell us in our comments below this post!

—The Color Code Team

Helping Reds Not Regret Their Words

On our recent Facebook post where we asked Reds what the hardest part about being a Red is, we noticed multiple comments from Reds saying the hardest part about being a Red is zipping their lips.

On our recent Facebook post where we asked Reds what the hardest part about being a Red is, we noticed multiple comments from Reds saying the hardest part about being a Red is zipping their lips. In other words, several commenters talked about how it is hard to keep their mouths shut.

Since several of our Facebook users mentioned this challenge, we thought we’d offer a few suggestions that may help you refrain from speaking too hastily.

1. Think About Other People’s Feelings First

One of our commenters mentioned the hardest part about being a Red is, “trying not to hurt people’s feelings with my direct opinions all the time – keeping my mouth shut.” We think she’s awesome for recognizing people’s feelings and thought it might be helpful for Reds to try to think more about their friends feelings rather than their need to voice their opinion if it’s one that may cause bad blood. Let’s say your friend dyes their hair blonde, and it looks pretty terrible. They may be either A. Already beating themselves up about it and hoping other people don’t think it looks as bad as they do or B. They like their hair and could be pretty offended if you said anything to the contrary. Even if you think they made a mistake, take a second to think about the impact of your words before you say anything. It basically boils down to the famous “Bambi” quote, “If you can’t say somethin’ nice, don’t say nothin’ at all.”

2. Take Five and Educate Someone Else

Let’s say you’re at work and your boss says something they heard over the weekend that you know is wrong but you also know it would be disrespectful to argue with them. Instead of arguing with them, take a little break when you get the chance, maybe at lunch, and text your spouse or a friend the actual fact. Maybe your boss will never know a tomato is a fruit and not a vegetable, but telling someone else this fact may be an outlet for you to feel like you could say something in a context that was more appropriate.

3. Give Yourself a Limit

Reds, it’s not like we want you to be silent participants in life. We need you. We think you’re awesome. If you know you’re right and someone else is suffering from wrong information and they NEED to be educated with the facts, speak up! Alternatively, everyone makes mistakes and you probably will have those days when you speak too hastily and offend someone or you annoy someone with your constant argument winning. If you happen to do this, make sure you set a limit for yourself on how much you can be outspoken in one day. If you’re having a rough morning and fail to zip your lips in situations that called for it more than 3 times, try to take yourself out of a situation where you might do it again if possible.

Reds, we hope our suggestions help you find it a little easier to keep quiet in the right situations. We are all about helping each other become better—or more “charactered” as we like to call it. Are there any Reds out there who have additional advice? Let us know by commenting under this post.

–The Color Code Team

To Develop More Compassion Like a Blue…

Try on their shoes…

…metaphorically speaking that is.

Let us explain.

If you’ve been reading our blog or are a fan of the Color Code you probably already know that the “antidote” to any personality limitation you may have will always be found in a strength of one of the other personality types. That’s why we stress the importance of knowing as much as possible about all the colors.

So with that in mind, today might we offer a small tip on how to tap into the compassion that comes so naturally to our Blue friends? It’s so simple you’re probably going to dismiss it, but we encourage you to take a moment this week to at least consider how you could add a little more compassion into your life.

What is this tip you’ll likely dismiss? It’s taking a moment to consider how someone else’s personality would react in a negative situation BEFORE you react according to the way your personality may see things. By doing this one little thing, you’ll be tapping into the strength of compassion that Blues already do so well.

For example, while a Yellow might quickly get over being laid off from a job and optimistically think they’ll find another one in a hurry, a Red may feel it’s a personal dig to how they performed at the job and feel angry about getting let go. In this situation, a Yellow who is struggling to feel compassion for a Red might consider how the Red is feeling so they can understand their reaction better and be more compassionate toward them.

That’s just a simple example but the point is this: considering other people’s perspectives and reacting from that point of view can hopefully help you understand their reaction to challenges and in turn help you feel more compassion toward their struggles. This is a win/win because the more compassion and understanding in the world, the better off we all are. So what do you say? Are you willing to try on some shoes this week? We certainly hope so. 🙂

And Blues, what other ideas do you think people can do to develop more compassion? Leave your answer in our comments.

—The Color Code Team

Time Management Tip for Whites

One of the Time Management Tips for Whites from the Color Code Cards is to “set proactive agendas rather than reacting to agendas others set for you.”

One of the Time Management Tips for Whites from the Color Code Cards is to “set proactive agendas rather than reacting to agendas others set for you.” This is something I need to work on. Although I’m a core Blue, I have a lot of White, and I struggle to be a little too satisfied with letting other people do the planning while I just do the participating.

Growing up, my very Blue mother was fantastic at making fun plans for the family. I was always happy to go along for the ride. Now, my Yellow husband is good at planning fun things for us to do. Once again, I’m happy to let him do it.

However, I’ve realized letting other people do all the planning for me can lead to a more boring life for me when I’m alone and it gives me lower confidence. When I’m the one who wants to go out and do something, I struggle to think of ideas, or if I have spare time, I’ll find myself wasting time online because I can’t really find the motivation to go out and make a plan for myself.

Recently, I made a small plan that paid off big time. My sister and her kids are in town visiting our family for a couple of weeks and my husband and I went up to my parents’ house to see them. Of course my mom had a fun day planned for the kids, but before their plans really started, I invited my nieces to go on a walk with me and to the park.

Even though I feel I am helpful with my nieces and nephews and I play with them, I oftentimes don’t really instigate the activity. This time, I took it into my own two hands to make a plan, even if it was a simple one, and it helped me feel so much more productive and fun, and I noticed how much my nieces enjoyed it.

Throughout the following week, I thought back on that short, simple walk with my nieces with fondness. I hope it’ll be something I’ll remember forever. Time is precious, and it’s important to take advantage of the time we get with others, especially while we are able. I want to commit to using my time more wisely by setting proactive agendas for myself, and I want to challenge other Whites to do the same.

This week, take just one day to plan out an entire productive morning, a fun afternoon and a service-oriented evening, or whatever it is you feel you need to do to be more proactive with your time.

Megan Christensen graduated from Brigham Young University-Idaho in 2014 with a Bachelor’s degree in communication. She is the digital content manager for the Color Code.

Four Great Gift Ideas for Your Yellow Child

If your Yellow child has a birthday coming up, here are four gift ideas that will hopefully tickle their love of fun.

Yellows can be pretty fun to buy gifts for. Their enthusiasm plays its part well in gift situations, which can make it fun for the gift giver. If you suspect your child is a Yellow, it may not be hard to pick out gifts for them, especially if the gift is fun. However, gift giving is all the more fun when you feel you have an idea that will make the recipient glow with joy. If your Yellow child has a birthday coming up, here are four gift ideas that will hopefully tickle their love of fun.

1. Surprise them with a puppy.

Is there anything more fun than a puppy? 😉 Surprising kids with pets is a classic, possibly cliche, but memorable gift. Yellows can likely relate to puppies a lot, with their enthusiastic, happy and carefree natures. Surprising your child with a puppy would likely send them through the roof with excitement.

2. Take them on a one-on-one date.

Yellows love attention. If you’ve got other kids, responsibilities, a job, etc., that compete for your attention, your Yellow child may be craving that time with you. For their birthday, plan an outing for just the two of you and make sure it involves something they find fun, even if it’s simple. Maybe you two can go out to ice cream, bowling or just to the duck pond to feed the ducks. Just make sure you shower them with love and attention.

3. Hide gifts around the house during the week.

Spread the birthday fun throughout the week by hiding little gifts around the house. They don’t have to be expensive items. Maybe you hide some bubbles under their bed and later blow bubbles in the backyard together. Another idea is to leave movie tickets in the mailbox for them to find and take them to a movie that night.

4. Try something new with them.

Yellow kids enjoy new experiences. For their birthday, go out and do something they’ve never done before. Maybe that’s rock climbing, mini-golfing, boating or even bowling. It’s your call!

We hope these ideas help you think of ways to make your Yellow child’s birthday wonderful. Yellows, what was your favorite birthday gift you received when you were a kid? Let us know in the comments!

—The Color Code Team

Ask the Expert: Which of the Colors Is the Most Loving?

Let’s take a look at a few ways that love might be communicated through the lens of each of the four Colors, keeping in mind that this list is not intended to be comprehensive.

Which of the four Color Code personality styles tends to be the most loving?

Tricky question, isn’t it? … But I get that kind of thing a lot.

I think some people want to jump to a conclusion and say that Blues are the most loving. My guess is that they do this because we associate Blues as being the most caring, thoughtful, etc. While it is true that those particular personality strengths are most common for Blues, I submit to you that each of the four Colors expresses love in different—though equally significant—ways.

Therefore, our position is that no Color is naturally more “loving” than any other Color. Let’s take a look at how love might be communicated through the lens of each of the four Colors, keeping in mind that this list is not intended to be comprehensive.

How Reds Express Love

One example of how a Red will express love is that they help you solve problems. Reds will “fix” things, but they don’t like to waste their time. So, if you have a Red in your life who takes the time to understand your challenges and they set out to work to help you find and create solutions, that is a very loving gesture for a Red.

Trust me, if they don’t care about you, they won’t spend the time doing it.

How Blues Express Love

One way you will see this play out is in thoughtful, romantic gestures. Blues are the masters of this. They remember details and they use their thoughtfulness to create those exquisitely special moments that you will never forget.

How Whites Express Love

Never underestimate the deep, loving power of patience. Whites are willing to listen to you. They consider where you are coming from, and they suspend their own judgement. And, when things aren’t perfect, they show their love through their willingness to wait and be patient for much, much longer than most people can manage.

How Yellows Express Love

One of the ways that Yellows express love is by being in the moment with you and by wanting to give you more and more of their “moments.” Yellows are easily distracted, and they can easily be pulled in other directions. However, when you have their attention (and heart-felt affection), they want to just be in the moment with you and can be very engaging and attentive.

Those are just a few examples, of course. I would love to hear your comments on how you feel you express love as a Red, Blue, White or Yellow!

Identifying a Red Personality’s Needs

Reds may not always be easy to get along with, but it will be easier if you recognize these needs.

Each of us either knows a Red personality or is a Red personality. And while some of the readers out there may know the Red’s strengths and weaknesses, they may not understand their wants and needs. Today, we want to focus on the Red needs in hopes that you can understand them better and know how to treat their personality.

Reds Need to Look Good Technically

Reds need to be able to stand their own ground intellectually. When a Red is faced with a new project, they will do all the research necessary to become knowledgeable in the subject matter. They don’t go to meetings unprepared. Going on vacations with them will be a lot like being on a school field trip—full of factoids.

Reds Need to Be Right

If you are in a relationship with a Red, whether it be a partner, friend, co-worker, employee or employer, remember that Reds need to be right. You may think of them as know-it-alls, and many times you would be correct, but before calling them out on it, ask yourself if A. they ARE right, or B. is it really worth disagreeing given the debate that will surely follow? Pick your battle … and make sure it is one you can win.

Reds Need to Be Respected

This is very important to Reds, possibly more than being loved. If you don’t respect them, it is likely they won’t respect you, leaving a meaningful connection impossible. Without mutual respect, your opinion of them really doesn’t matter. They won’t waste time trying to garner your positive opinion because they simply don’t care.

Reds Need to Attain Approval From a Select Few

So…Reds need respect and we discussed how they react to those they don’t respect. Now let’s talk about those they do. If the Red in your life feels your respect, they will do whatever it takes to validate that respect and maintain your approval. Unlike Yellows, who need to receive approval from the masses, Reds are content to be selective. If you are one of chosen few, you will not be disappointed.

Reds may not always be easy to get along with, but it will be easier if you recognize these needs. They surely will appreciate it. For those who didn’t previously know the Red needs, how do you feel this will help you in the future?

—The Color Code Team

How to Date a Blue

If you love or are falling for a Blue, please take this advice to heart. I think they will love it.

Being in a romantic relationship with a Blue can’t be easy. I should know, I am one. However, my Yellow husband does a great job at handling all my emotions and he also did a great job at winning my heart. Today, I think it’d be fun to offer some advice to those who are trying to date a Blue. Take out your notebooks and get writing! 😉

Be romantic

I’m married to an awesome guy who is great at the whole romance thing. When we first started dating, I was in a situation that made me hesitant to get too serious with him, but he was determined and proved himself worthy time and time again. Our first Valentine’s Day together, he surprised me at work with flowers and proceeded to drive me to a small airport, where he took me on a helicopter ride. Then he took me bowling, to a nice restaurant, let me pick out a movie and we finished off the night star gazing in his dad’s truck. Did I mention we got married? 😉

Be thoughtful

One of the natural strengths of the Blue personality is being thoughtful. As a Blue, I really appreciate when people are thoughtful toward me. When my husband and I first started dating, I was starting my first internship for a news organization. My first day I was understandably nervous, but I got a text at an early hour from my husband (then-boyfriend) wishing me good luck. I don’t think he even had to be up that early, but he wanted to send me well wishes. It meant so much to me and earned him a bunch of points.

Be endlessly patient

Blues definitely have their limitations, and I am no exception. I’m worry-prone, a perfectionist, jealous, moody, etc. Not long into our relationship, my husband got to see some of the not-so-great qualities I possess. However, he was so incredibly patient with me. He focused on the good things about me. He listened to me, empathized with me and just loved me.

If you love or are falling for a Blue, please take this advice to heart. I think they will love it. Blues, what do you think about this advice? Share your thoughts in the comments below.

Megan Christensen graduated from Brigham Young University-Idaho in 2014 with a Bachelor’s degree in communication. She previously worked as the head writer for KSL.com and is now the digital content manager for the Color Code.

Three Ideas to Help Whites Become More Motivated

Whites, we truly hope these tips will help you develop habits to find additional motivation you might be missing to milk the most out of your life because we know that the world benefits greatly every time a “Wise White” steps up to the plate.

White Personalities—you may or may not know that one of your natural limitations is being unmotivated. The good news is this isn’t something that can’t be overcome with effort. So, if you think you could possibly use a little more motivation in your life, read on and give the following a try!

1. Make a to-do list

This may seem obvious but it’s amazing what results you can achieve with a to-do list if you are CONSISTENT and COMMITTED. Pick a specific time every day to make your to-do list. You can include as many or as few items as you like but the key is to develop a habit here so don’t overwhelm yourself at first with too much. Start off easy and build from there. Remember, the HABIT itself will become more valuable than what is on the list in the beginning. You could include things like exercising, meal planning, paying bills, spending time getting better at a hobby and cleaning out your car. Again, just make sure that whatever you put on there you can be consistent and committed to. Even if it’s literally doing 1 push up each morning, that’s fine. Just start with easy and go from there. If you do this, you won’t burn out as easily and will build the HABIT that will fuel the fire of motivation in other areas later on.

2. Do something you dread bi-monthly

Many of us tend to procrastinate and put off things we just don’t want to do but White Personalties innately deal with this limitation a little more than the others.

The reason we suggest you do something you dread on a bi-monthly basis is simple: it pushes you but in a manageable way. You can rest comfortably knowing things will get done but not feel the pressure or guilt associated with putting them off or never doing them.

3. Do something enjoyable while you do something productive

We are all blessed to live in a day and age where we can have practically endless entertainment and/or learning options at the touch of a button via the Internet. If you haven’t found a favorite podcast, sweet jams, or discovered Duolingo language learning yet then may we humbly suggest you get on that. 🙂 Why? Again, we are focusing on motivation and if you know you have something to look forward to in combination with the task you NEED to do, you will be more likely to do it. Keep experimenting until you find your “reward” to make the tasks at hand more palatable.

Try these three suggestions above and let us know if they work for you. And, if you’ve found other ways to tackle this natural limitation, please share those in the comments below so others can benefit from what you’ve learned about the personality trait you share. We are cheering for you!

—The Color Code Team