I was blessed to be introduced to The Color Code about 5 years ago. Prior to the taking the test, I’d struggled my whole life with finding my identity, my opinion, my personality…I wasn’t quite sure who I was and it had a very negative effect on my confidence and self-esteem. Now, you’re probably saying, “Oh, you’re a white personality!” But I had a long road ahead of me before I would embrace this fact.
When I heard about The Color Code, I was excited at the premise of getting a grasp on who I was, who I could become. When I took the test, I sat near my husband, who also took the test; he is the honest, relational one, always doing the right thing…a blue personality…and my test results stated that I was a blue personality, also. I thought that was fantastic! What a great pair we are! But as we began to explore this personality, my family could see that there was something “off” about my test result. I argued and tried justifying my “blue nature”, only to find that I was lying to myself. I hadn’t tested according to my own personality, I had answered questions according to what my husband would say, even though he didn’t talk to me while I tested. We weren’t alike at all, we weren’t motivated by the same things. One of my sisters-in-law was irritated with me because she tried to understand me as a blue, yet I didn’t act according to any of the traits. It is an obvious white trait—taking on the personality of the people around you—I just didn’t realize it at the time!
I decided I needed to take the test again. This time, I thought more deeply about my childhood…I remembered being playful, mischievous, self-centered. I tested yellow this time! Oh, I liked that result…the fun-motivated life-of-the-party! Sure, that’s me, isn’t it?? Sadly, no, it isn’t. Again, I dove head-first into studying yellow characteristics, and I found, without a doubt, that I may have yellow tendencies and I may love attention on occasion, but I am definitely not innately motivated by fun and adventure. Oh my word, I was frustrated! Who was I, anyway?
I finally took the test and talked with my family—my sister and my father—about who I was as a child. Apparently, I was quiet, I loved to be alone and would escape to secret hiding places in the house, I wanted everything to be peaceful and harmonious. If I was upset with my parents, I would hide in my room and write them notes, explaining my feelings. My memories of mischief or playfulness depended solely on the people I was with at that moment, friends I hung out with…they were situations where I was a chameleon and blended in with the surroundings. When I took the test this time, I could answer honestly and accurately, and as expected, the result was white. Very white. Not a surprise to anyone who knows about The Color Code, and not a surprise to my family.
I was a little bit upset that this was my personality…boring? Not me! Until I thought about my interests…reading, listening to music, loving my alone time. I thought about the fact that I tend to be “invisible” in a large crowd, that people tend to overlook my opinion. I’m passive. I don’t like to take risks. I hate making decisions. Ah, yes. I began to understand who I was and find strengths in my personality—my ability to maintain peace, to mediate, to be content. Even my invisibility can work to my advantage at times. This new understanding of myself opened up a world of possibilities for me. Once I had accepted myself and my limitations, I was able to work through them. I was able to focus on my strengths as a “peacekeeper” and decide how to become a better wife, mother, friend, and teacher based on those strengths. I am able to identify with my secondary colors—blue and yellow were very close, within a point or two—and look at those aspects of my personality, too. I am well aware that my blue and yellow scores are so close because I do, in fact, blend with my environment. I do enjoy intimacy, I do enjoy having fun with my friends and attending big events where there are large groups of people, shopping and spending money irresponsibly. Haha! These are a part of who I am, as well, but I now have a better understanding of my actual inner motivation…and I can finally say, I like my “white” self! I really, truly do!! As much as I may frustrate my husband with my indecisiveness at times, or struggle with communicating my feelings verbally, The Color Code has helped me to find myself, to celebrate my strengths and to recognize when I need to look at my limitations and adjust my thinking. I like that I can function in different relationships now, simply by understanding the motivation of others; when I see that someone’s motivation and personality traits are different than my own, I’ve learned not to feel offended or disrespected. I know that it’s just a matter of speaking a different relational language, meeting other people’s needs and helping them to understand what I need, as well.
I have been especially delighted with the effect it’s had on my marriage. My husband and I have reached an understanding of each other that is monumental. We can literally step away from a disagreement and make a conscious decision to look at things from the perspective of a different personality: As a blue, my husband needs me to understand him, to listen and validate his opinions. As a white, I need peace, I can’t function in chaos, and I need time to process my feelings. It has been amazingly helpful being able to meet each other in neutral territory where we can work through issues with success.
We have also been able to use The Color Code in our parenting. Although we have not given our children the specific test, we can more easily connect with each of them by understanding that their motivations are completely different. I can get my yellow son to clean his room by turning it into a game, my blue child by working side by side with him and praising him, and my white son will clean if we give him time and space to get the job done. If we hadn’t been introduced to The Color Code, I think there would have been a huge amount of frustration in raising such different personalities; I think this is why many parents say to a child, “Why can’t you be like your brother/sister?” Without an understanding of personality, parents may assume their children should act exactly the same way or be driven by the same things.
As a teacher, you can imagine how helpful The Color Code has been in identifying my students’ motivation; classroom reward/discipline is much more effective when I have a handle on a child’s personality and what makes him or her ‘tick’. To each of them, there is value is something specific, a reason for behaving a certain way, a factor that will motivate them as citizens and learners. I once had a student with a vibrant red personality—in regards to discipline, taking power from him or calling him out on his behavior in front of others was disastrous; talking to him privately, giving him responsibilities, and even allowing him to share knowledge and information with his classmates (he loved information!!) encouraged him and set him on a path towards success. Prior to reading The Color Code, the situation may have resulted in nothing less than a year-long power-struggle between teacher and student.
I am eagerly continuing this journey, looking to further explore my personality and those of my husband and my children. I am a firm believer in The Color Code and I am grateful for the opportunity I’ve been given to create more meaningful relationships in my life!
Pam Mather (core color: white) has worked as an elementary teacher for 11 years. Her teaching techniques and accomplishments have been featured on Studio Statesboro, an online news program. Her published article, “The A Word”, dedicated to parents with autistic children, can be found in the Connect Statesboro archives online. She is currently writing a blog called “The Recycled Teenager”, devoted to parents and educators. She lives in southeast Georgia with her husband and 4 children.
From the editor: At Large is a new category for our monthly newsletter. We keep hearing wonderful stories from those of you who have chosen to use Color Code to help you in your life. We are thrilled to share these stories with our readers. If you would like to share your Color Code story please send 500-800 words, your photo and bio to teresa.glenn@colorcode.com.
