Every workplace has its issues, and why not? We go to work each day and spend more time with our coworkers than we do with our spouses. And 43 percent of first marriages end in separation or divorce within 15 years! And we choose our spouses. It stands to reason then, that there will be times of friction in the workplace. According to HR.BLR.com, Accountemps conducted a survey of 150 executives that found nearly a fifth of managers’ time is spent sorting out personality conflicts among staff members. That is a lot of time and money spent refereeing rather than on the job for which you were hired.

To help avoid conflict, we decided to practice what we preach. My team got together and each person identified “limitations” that might hinder harmony within our group. We all shared our upgrade report that identifies both the strengths and limitations we possess in each color, based on our answers we provided when we took the Color Code test. Then we each chose limitations from our lists that could potentially cause conflict within our group, and each team member set the goal to work on eliminating the limitation from our personalities.

On the door of my office, I have posted the three limitations that were chosen for me. My driving core motive (DCM) is Power and I have a long list of limitations in the Red category but, interestingly enough, the limitations chosen for me were from the Blue and White categories. They are: silently stubborn, judgemental, and unrealistic expectations. This really illustrates how others are more accepting of limitations from your DCM, and are confused by and unaccepting of the incongruity of displaying limitations from another. Now—among the long list of Red limitations I mentioned above are: overly aggressive, always right, relentless, bossy…well you get the picture. I would have thought that any one of these would have merited a vote, but my team accepts these as Red behaviors.

What they don’t expect from me, and therefore are confused by, the White behavior of silent stubborness, or the Blue behaviors of unrealistic expectations and being judgemental.

There  is often a gap between how we see ourselves and how others see us. We look in the mirror and see the person we think others see. However, there is often a disconnect between our reality and that of others around us.

One of the best sources to bridge the gap of perception to reality is receive feedback from those around you. The path to becoming congruent is a process of self-assessment. You can’t become congruent if you don’t see the ways in which you are incongruent. The lack of congruency sends ineffective and mixed messages illustrated in this example:

The Red boss furiously storms into an employee’s office and berates him because something has not been done right. After he’s done, he walks out of the office and thinks, “Oh, my gosh… how would I have felt if someone had done that to me?” Contrite, he goes back into the office, apologizes, and offers to take the employee to lunch. The employee is confused by the mixed message. He doesn’t know quite where this person is really coming from or what to expect next.

Learning that my team was confused and affected by my incongruent behavior was an eye opener, and like them my goal is to overcome the limitations they have identified. However, that’s not to say I shouldn’t work on my Red limitations as well. I have my work cut out for me! Baby steps. CC

Teresa Glenn has been working with the Color Code since 2006, where her main focus is product development. She has been in the publishing and product development field for over 20 years. Teresa is a core Red with a strong Yellow secondary.