Electronic Messages—Reading Between the Lines

We live in an age where a large percentage of our communications are done via email and texts. It is convenient and, for some, a great time saver. The problem is, how are your messages interpreted?

“Words, once they are printed, have a life of their own. ” 

-Carol Burnett

We live in an age where a large percentage of our communications are done via email and texts. It is convenient and for some, a great time saver.

The problem is, how are your messages interpreted?

Without body language to provide insight in the delivery, a misinterpreted written communication might leave the recipient feeling slighted, criticized, or belittled. An unanswered email or text might make a person feel that they are being ignored, or worse, that the recipient is angry over the content of the message. All of this can cause stress and no little resentment… to the detriment of a positive and productive relationship.

As students of the Color Code, we know that all personalities are different. Each driving core motive has needs. We are all motivated differently and conversely, we motivate differently. When receiving electronic missives, it is important for us to know the difference—and react accordingly.

Reds’ emails and texts are often interpreted as curt, unfeeling, and, let’s face it, critical. When a Red sends an email or text it is normally a “just the facts, ma’am” missive. They don’t do smiley faces emoticons or LOLs. Rarely will they ask personal questions or offer any insight into their own feelings. A Red will not respond to a text or email that doesn’t require specific response. Don’t expect an email that simply says “thanks” or “got it”.

When you can’t see a Red’s face in the delivery, the sarcasm they are famous for just seems downright mean. It might interest you to know that Reds will seem confounded if you express offense at the emails they send, because (in most cases) offense was not their intention.

When sending a Red a text or email—especially in a business setting—keep to the facts (preferably in bullet form). If responding to a Red’s bulleted email, try putting your answers directly below the bullet points he sent you. That way, you’ll know you’ve answered all questions or requests succinctly rather than in a rambling response. If a Red asks for a confirmation that you received the email, send one, but don’t otherwise waste his time with a “thanks” response.

Blues are quite different from Reds in electronic communication. Unlike Reds “less is more” does not apply. Blues are thorough, and detail conscious. You will likely receive not only and answer, but the thought process involved in coming up with the answer. They might start off with a personal note before getting to the meat of the missive—but meat there will be.

In writing, a Blue may come off as a bit sanctimonious, and the recipient may feel as if they are being judged, or worse, not given credit. Blues need to feel appreciated and might fail to see their self-righteous tone as offensive—so don’t take offense.

When sending a Blue an email, it is important to fulfill their need for detailed information. Be sure your message includes the what, where, when and how, or you will be peppered with more emails asking about the missing information. Your communications should be well-written and respectful.

Whites, like Reds, are logical and to the point. Unlike Reds, they are more thoughtful in their communications. While not motivated by emotion, they will go to great lengths to be kind and not create conflict. You may need to read between the lines to get the real message. Whites are more inclined to communicate via email or texting rather than face-to-face interaction.

Some Whites suffer from procrastination, and will put off answering your email right away. In fact, some of them should have the old adage, “If you ignore it, it will go away” on a needlepoint sampler gracing their office wall. Gentle reminders will get them going again.

When sending an email to a White, be kind, objective, and present all arguments. Whites have a great skill of seeing all sides and forming a logical conclusion. Unless you have already won a White’s trust, don’t get personal or jokey in the text.

Yellows are probably the most dynamic of the colors when it comes to email. Count on them to send you the latest joke one minute and an insightful and persuasive communication the next. A yellow is most likely to use emoticons and exclamation points. Even in the most serious of emails, they will make an appearance.

Yellows may not return your email in a timely manner—or at all. This is not a personal slight, but an indication that they have moved on to other things they deem more important or interesting. A reminder that you are awaiting a reply should bring you back to the top of the list.

When sending an email to a Yellow, be specific about what you want and possibly more important, when you want it. Be upbeat, positive, but firm–and always emphasize that you appreciate their contribution.

Before you jump to conclusions remember we all have different methods of communication. Without a smile, a wink, or even a scowl, we don’t have the benefit of facial expressions or body language to help us interpret the emotion behind a message. The best thing to do, for the receiver and the sender, is to take into account the possibility that we all have different methods of sending and receiving messages, both literally and emotionally. Think it through before you let a simple misunderstanding ruin an otherwise healthy relationship. CC

 

 

Picture 1Teresa Glenn has been working with the Color Code since 2006, where her main focus is product development. She has been in the publishing and product development field for over 20 years. Teresa is a core Red with a strong Yellow secondary.

Ask the Expert

Dear Jeremy,

I profiled as a Red. I don’t think that is a bad thing to be, but now my family thinks that the Red is all that I am. They think I’m controlling and unkind. What do I do to convince them that I have many layers?

Yours truly,

“Red”

====================

Dear “Red”,

What a great question! Speaking of layers, I see a few in your question and comments that I would like to address here.

Certainly being Red is not a bad thing at all! Every Color has wonderful strengths that should be openly shared and celebrated. It is also true that every Color has terrible limitations that should be regularly evaluated and addressed as well.

Another reality is that no two Reds are ever exactly alike. Take Donald Trump and Mother Theresa for example. Is it possible that they are actually both cut from the same “Red” fabric? Absolutely! In fact, it is very probable that they actually are both strong Reds.

So yes, there are layers. Secondary Color; your personal needs, wants, instincts and preferences; character development or dysfunction; and many other factors will play into what makes you, uniquely you.

In reading your email, two questions came to my mind, and those are the ones I want to focus on for my reply:

Question #1: Do you value yourself as a Red?

Question #2: What are you doing to develop the reputation that you desire?

Let’s dive in…

Question #1: Do you value yourself as a Red?

The reason that I’m asking this question is that I perceive that you taking your family’s comments very personally. This obviously hurts (or you wouldn’t be asking). I’m sure there are still challenges out in the world for you to conquer, and if this was of small importance, you wouldn’t take the time to inquire. I also know that Reds require approval from a select few—not the masses, but rather people who are important to them. Family is usually right at or very near the top of that list.

The more secure you feel about yourself and your own intrinsic value, the better equipped you will be to take feedback without getting hurt by it.

The next time a family member points out that you are too controlling or unkind, would you be able to say, “Really? I don’t see that about myself. What am I missing?”

…or will you get defensive and fight back and try to “convince them” (your words) that you are right and they are wrong?

This is a hard thing for Reds to learn. It requires self-esteem and humility. If it helps to know, both will make you stronger, more capable, and happier. You have to learn to value who you are just because you exist —just because you breathe. You can’t base your self-worth on the magnitude of your last great victory or accomplishment.

Question #2: What are you doing to develop the reputation that you desire?

You may have heard it said that “perception is reality”. In other words, if your interactions with other people leave them feeling like you are overly controlling or unkind, maybe – just maybe – is there something to that?

I’m not saying that other people might not be the problem either – just so you know.

I certainly have seen people with a bias toward another Color. Those people might not be able to value what you bring to the table simply because they don’t approve of your style in general (for whatever reason). Please keep that in mind. I’m not necessarily saying that this is all your problem.

…However, I am saying that it usually is. 🙂

Again, instead of trying to convince people to see things or do things your way, challenge yourself to be more responsible. Challenge yourself to ask the question, “What about me makes me seem overly controlling or unkind?”

Can you do that?

If so, challenge yourself to take note of those things that come to mind. Try to do them differently. Ask for the feedback of others and listen to what they say. If you fight back, they will only start telling you what you want to hear. That, however, is never true growth.

If you are humble and you listen and apply and ask for more feedback, you just might impress your family and cause them to want to be more helpful, encouraging, and positive.

In short, they will see your other layers because you will have begun to earn the reputation of having them.

To quote Dr. Hartman, “Personality is a gift. Character is a victory!”

In my experience, victories are always something that you have to fight for…

So, onward and upward, my Red friend. Your new challenge awaits, and a more refined “YOU” will be your prize.

Very best of living,

Jeremy Daniel
Training Director
Color Code

 

JeremyDanielJeremy Daniel (Core Color: Yellow) has been working with the Color Code since 1998 in various capacities from training in the field personally with Dr. Taylor Hartman to designing customized corporate solutions and new training programs for various industries.  To ask about Jeremy’s training or speaking services, please email and inquiry to jeremy@colorcodetraining.com.