Have you ever looked at someone and thought to yourself, “She shouldn’t be eating that ice cream cone,” or, “That tattoo is awful,” or laughed at a meme that shows someone who might not look “normal?”

A month ago, I attended a birthday party at a casino. I am not a big gambler, but the person whose birthday it was is important to me, so I went. After the birthday celebration, everyone dispersed to the slot machines and gaming tables. I retreated to the Keno pit. Keno is a very slow game. Placing a bet was my ticket to sit in the comfort and quiet of the pit to do one of my favorite things—people watch. 

I found myself looking at a cocktail waitress who, at a guess, was in her late 40s and a bit overweight. She was squeezed into the tight and revealing bustier uniform that the management, in their infinite wisdom, thought a good idea.

 I found myself wondering how she could demean herself like that. 

 And quite suddenly, I was ashamed—very ashamed. 

What makes me so special that I can judge others? I have no idea of that waitress’s life experience. Maybe that outfit makes her feel good. Perhaps she is doing whatever it takes to survive, and by putting on that outfit, she becomes a superhero. Either way, it is no business of mine.

Why Are We Judgmental?

According to Psychology Today, being judgmental is what we do to enhance our own sense of worth by making comparisons with the (supposed) lesser status of others. 

While possessing good judgment is the capability to turn knowledge into understanding, being judgmental serves no purpose other than making us feel superior at someone else’s expense.

A Blue’s natural limitation might be judgmental, but we all can fall into the habit of judging. Being a Red, my limitation is being overly critical. A Yellow can be insensitive by making someone the butt of a joke, and a White can be indifferent and detached. 

Empathy—The Missing Element

It’s human nature to pass judgment when we see someone who looks or behaves in a manner we think unacceptable. However, suppose we instead choose to stop and place ourselves in another person’s shoes. In that case, our differences might not be so noticeable.

Some studies show that empathy is on the decline in our society. Unfortunately, it isn’t easy to develop empathy if it doesn’t come naturally to you. 

We Reds need to use our strengths of focus and confidence to recognize when our selfish arrogance rears its ugly head. We tend to hide our insecurities by finding fault with someone else, as if it might bring comfort. Unfortunately, it’s a short-lived solution.

With Blues, empathy is natural, but as stated, so is being judgmental. It’s time to let the strength of sincere compassion override the limitations of being self-righteous and judgmental.

Yellows need to look past their need to look good, possibly at the cost of others, and use their natural strengths of insight and social skills to be inclusive of those they would have judged.

Whites are generally kind and accepting. If they lack empathy, it might be because they feel ambivalent about the comments and observations of others. 

The Challenge 

I own a tiny book called The Little Book of Wisdom that includes this entry:

“Try to go 24 hours without criticizing [judging] anyone or anything.”

It isn’t an easy challenge, but one at which I am working hard to achieve. I have had to restart my clock every single day. Still, I’ll continue to strive to understand why I am judging and try to fix myself instead of others. I am learning to recognize the difference between good judgment and judging others in a way that has no other benefit than to make me feel better about myself. 

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Teresa Glenn has been working with the Color Code since 2006, where her main focus is product development. She has been in the publishing and product development field for over 20 years. Teresa is a core Red with a strong Yellow secondary.