When you’re dating, have both eyes open. When you’re married, keep one eye shut. 

 This is the advice from the mother of one of my clients. My client, a Blue personality, was dating somebody with a White personality. He was patient and kind, and she felt secure and comfortable. She was familiar with the Color Code, as she had participated in the communication training, and eventually became my workshop assistant.

 She told me that knowing his strengths and limitations opened her eyes to who she was dating. She was more patient with the limitations of the White personality. For example, he wasn’t verbal about his emotions. 

 Without knowing the Color Code, that would have been a red flag for her, especially if it was someone she was considering marrying. She knew not to force him to share his feelings, though. If he did share his feelings, they could have been dishonest just to keep the peace. But although she was patient with him, it was definitely out of her comfort zone to wait for him to express himself and not know all of his emotions. 

 I asked her how she reconciled this limitation if he was going to become her husband. Her response was that he proved to be loyal and sincere. His gift of clarity shined, because he knew how she was feeling. He always asked her how she was doing and kept asking until he really understood how she felt.

 Even though White personalities are not strong in expressing emotion, he demonstrated strong emotional intelligence. If he would have defaulted in both little expression of feelings and a lack of emotional intelligence, the relationship would have died.

Why don’t Whites express their feelings? For him, he didn’t need her to know how he was feeling. It wasn’t important to him in the relationship. They did end up getting married, and several years into their marriage, she started to push the issue of knowing more about his emotions. By the time they reached this point, he was secure in the relationship, and it was a fair trade.

 At a certain point, when couples know each other well, it may be appropriate to push for something that is uncomfortable for the other person. However, it should be done with care. For my client, she needed to know how her husband was feeling. This is also a demonstration of strong emotional intelligence. He was secure enough at that point to have that conversation.

 When dealing with White personalities, we must be sensitive to their needs while also being honest about our own. It is possible to have a relationship with respect for both parties. You just have to keep working at it. We love our friends with White personalities! For our readers with White personalities, what is it about expressing emotion do you find challenging? Let us know in the comments below!

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Denise Parmenter is an organization and relationship coach who can work with any business or organization, learn their vibe, and give them the communication tools necessary to foster organizational change and bring explosive growth and impressive results to the bottom line. Denise offers a transformational edge while preserving what you do best. She has a Bachelor’s degree in communication focused on interpersonal and marriage studies. She is an International Coaching Federation coach, the gold standard in coaching, and has an SHRM-CP, a human resources certification.