The family is gathered for the holidays. You have gone out of your way to search out the perfect gift. You may have spent more than planned, but you believe it will be worth it when you see the light in the child’s eye. Then, everything implodes. The child opens the gift and says, “Is that ALL?” or “I didn’t want this!” or “You got me clothes?!” You are torn between embarrassment and anger. You want to take the gift back from him, but fear you’ll look as immature as the child.
Sadly, many of us are raising our children in a “is that all?” society. We see meltdowns in the grocery store, tantrums in restaurants, and overall bad behavior when a child doesn’t get his way. If this behavior goes unchecked, by the time these children become teenagers, they are deeply entrenched in entitlement issues that cannot be easily undone.
“Character building begins in our infancy and continues until death.” -Eleanor Roosevelt
Every time you say no to your child, it is one more brick in his character. It is critical to begin building character, block by block, when your childern are young and their foundation is steady and strong…and receptive.
Remember, character in not innate. We learn by example, good and bad. Like my mother, we must set good examples, along with expectations, throughout our child’s life. Otherwise they will learn from their environment and by those whose character you may not want to be an example. Follow these 4 building blocks and you will help create character from which your child will benefit his entire life.
“Integrity is doing the right thing, even when no one is watching.” -CS Lewis
Integrity is the foundation on which we build character. It encompasses honesty, morality, ethics, rectitude…the list goes on. As with all things, a child learns from observing behaviors in his environment. Everything you do and say in front of a child is neatly tucked away in his memory banks.
“Respect is a two-way street, if you want to get it, you’ve got to give it.” – R.G. Risch
As a Red, respect is very important to me. Nothing pushes my buttons more than when a child disrespects an adult. Luckily, I also know that children require respect. Children learn by example. If you try to teach your children respect by treating them disrespectfully, they will, ironically, learn disrespect.
“You cannot escape the responsibility of tomorrow by evading it today.” –Abraham Lincoln
Responsibility will serve your child well throughout his life. Responsibility encompasses, work ethic, self-worth, self-discipline, and ownership. Studies show that children who are expected to contribute to the household at a very early age, learn self-discipline and pride in a job well done.
“True contentment comes with empathy.” –Tim Finn
Most of us assume that empathy is innate, not learned, but studies show that empathy can not only be learned, but internalized when encouraged and fostered at an early age.
It is difficult for children to understand the plight of others when they haven’t experienced a similar situation. For example, if they have never gone hungry, they don’t understand the magnitude of how a child without food feels. If they have ten pairs of shoes in their closet, it is more unlikely they will feel empathy for a child who has no shoes. That is not to say that you should starve your child, but there are ways to expose him to those who lack his comforts.
So, this holiday season, it may be the perfect time to rethink your approach to building character. As parents we want our children to be happy. If that means giving in, against our better judgment, to the Xbox or iPhone so be it. The trouble is, that without the blocks necessary to build good and strong character, they won’t become the happy adults you want so desperately for them to become. They will become adults who say “Is that all?” CC
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Teresa Glenn has been working with the Color Code since 2006, where her main focus is product development. She has been in the publishing and product development field for over 20 years. Teresa is a core Red with a strong Yellow secondary.