Month: November 2014

“Everybody likes a compliment.” -Abraham Lincoln

Everybody does like a compliment when it is heartfelt and sincere. Nothing gives us greater validation and self-assurance than the recognition provided by someone we respect.

According to Phycologytoday.com’s article The Art of the Compliment, “Focusing on and noticing the good qualities in the world around us gives our moods a boost all by itself. Plus, it is a kind of cognitive training, a training of attention. In addition, compliments amplify positivity; they not only deliver positive effects to others, those effects bounce back on us, ramping up the positive atmosphere we breath.”

Learning to compliment someone effectively is fundamental when developing interpersonal skills. When positive praise is given, you will see immediate positive results in the recipient’s attitude and behavior. This benefits both the person giving and the person receiving the compliment.

This isn’t to say that you should throw out compliments willy-nilly. Do that and you will cease to be taken seriously—no longer be considered trustworthy in your praise. People can see through pandering and that will certainly cause negative results.

Following are a few tips to help you get started. Once you see the benefits, complimenting should come quite natural.

When complimenting a Red:

When complimenting a Red, don’t be surprised if they seem unaffected or nonchalant by the praise. The truth is that Red’s hold their insecurities close to the vest and seldom reveal them. Your compliment will hit the target; you just might not know it.

Reds want to be respected intellectually, so don’t bother with superficial compliments like “nice tie” or “cute shoes”. They want to hear how smart, decisive, and particularly how “right” they are, and preferably in front of the boss.

It must be stressed that more than any other color, Reds have a BS meter that will peg in the red if your compliment is phony. Don’t do it. You will lose the Red’s respect and invalidate the effort.

Here are some samples of compliments that a Red wants to hear:

1. That was a great solution to the problem.
2. You always give strong advice. What do you think of…?
3. Around you, I feel secure and protected.
4. You are an excellent boss (dad, mom, etc), and I am learning a lot from you.
5. You can do anything.

When complimenting a Blue:

Blues are the most desirous of compliments. They thrive on positive acknowledgment and it shows. They respond to positive feedback with loyalty and the determination to continue the positive behavior you have complimented.

They are also the personality it is most important to compliment. While Blues are great nurturers and will go out of their way to help, they can also be self-righteous and expect to be recognized for their acts. They will become resentful if they continue to go unrecognized.

Here are some samples of compliments that a Blue wants to hear:

1. I can’t believe you always remember my… (fill in the blank). Thank-you.
2. I don’t know how I would manage without you.
3. Everything you do, you do well, and it shows.
4. I appreciate how much you care about… (fill in the blank).
5. You’re organization skills are unbelievable!

When complimenting a White:

Don’t let Whites fool you. Like Mr. Lincoln said, “Everybody likes a compliment”, even Whites. They may appear detached, but they need to hear good things just like the rest of us.

Remember that Whites won’t seek out praise, nor will they complain when none is given. Watch out for all signs that lead to a potential compliment. Again, it must be stressed that the compliment be sincere and heartfelt. Whites will silently dismiss you if they don’t value what you have said.

1. Your opinions are obviously well thought out, and they matter.
2. Your diplomacy is refreshing and appreciated.
3. I appreciate how accepting you are of others.
4. Thank you for meeting your goals.
5. Thank you being such a good listener.

When complimenting a Yellow:

Ah, Yellows. First of all, they already know how great they are and will often beat you to the “compliment” punch by telling you so. You can compliment a Yellow all day, and not tell them anything they don’t already know. Right?

Wrong. Yellows can be insecure, so don’t let their narcissistic bluster fool you. They have insecurities and appreciate reassurance the same as everyone else.

If you want to motivate a Yellow, your compliments should be of a less superficial nature:

1. Thanks for taking the time to finish that project. It was important and I appreciate it.
2. You are incredibly creative. Let’s put that to use on…
3. I love that you are open to new ideas. What do you think of…?
4. You have awesome people skills.
5. Your enthusiasm and positive attitude always help to boost moral.

By learning the needs and wants of an individual and providing them with positive, legitimate praise, you will begin to see a change in them, and more importantly, a change in yourself. Instead of seeing the negative in people, you will soon find yourself with a more positive outlook…another block in your interpersonal skills foundation. CC

References

1. http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/200403/the-art-the-compliment

Teresa Glenn has been working with the Color Code since 2006, where her main focus is product development. She has been in the publishing and product development field for over 20 years. Teresa is a core Red with a strong Yellow secondary.