Families are an interesting dynamic.

In my family of four, we represent the Color Code completely. I am a Red, my husband is a Blue, my oldest son is a White, and my youngest son is a Yellow.

Before learning the Color Code, I was frustrated by the fact that everyone didn’t think and act exactly the way I did and naturally, it didn’t occur to me that they might be just as frustrated with me.

Example:

During the remodeling of home we were planning to sale, I asked my Blue husband the simple question, “Can we paint the porch handrail today?” Yes or no, right? This is the answer I received: “I have some sheetrock being delivered today and I need a way to get it in the house, although I’m not sure exactly how to get it down to the basement. I ordered ten footers, but now I wish I had ordered eight footers because of the turn at the laundry room. I just hate having to tape all those extra seams by using the eight footers. I know I can’t get them down there alone and I only paid for curb service on the delivery. Do you think you can get your brothers here to help take it down?”

In the old days, this explanation would have frustrated me to the point that I would have hurt his feelings by saying something very sarcastic like “you get that was a yes or no question, right?” My Red limitations of impatience and insensitivity were at odds with his Blue needs. Blues need time to think, collect, analyze, and process the steps required to complete a project. My question about painting the handrail set in motion a linear thought process beginning with: if the handrail has wet paint, it will compound the problems of bringing in the sheetrock (which may or may not be too long).

Not wanting to risk another long-winded explanation, I clamp my mouth shut, guessing that the answer was “no” even though the words handrail and paint weren’t mentioned. I have learned his language.

Kids

All parents should read and understand the Color Code before trying to raise children with core motives different from their own. Trust me…it makes life much easier and they will make fewer mistakes.

My oldest son has always been the epitome of a White. My youngest son, the epitome of a Yellow. I just didn’t know it. Not being familiar with the Color Code in the past, I described them like this:

My White never raised his voice, contradicted me, or got in trouble at school. On the other hand, while testing very high academically, he wasn’t motivated to attend excelerated learning programs, or for that matter, do his homework. It was scoring high on tests that got him through high school and college. I know now that my aggressive tactics and his dad’s constant lectures–meant to motivate him–only made him shut down in stubborn silence. We would have been better served to show patience and not rush him, to understand his occasional need for quiet solitude, to quietly discuss his lack of motivation and refrain from calling him lazy.

My youngest son? Well let’s just say that life with him was an emotional roller coaster (see illustration). He wasn’t motivated academically either. I have to confess that I was near tears at more than one parent-teacher conference. They all started this way: “You’re his parent? I love him. He is so well mannered and fun to be around. I love having him in my class.” Then, “I’m so sorry I had to give him that F.” When my Yellow hit high school, he used to ditch classes to work in the office (yes, the office) amidst all the buzz and activity. I punished his behavior. Rather than get angry, I should have recognized his need to be a part of the action. Yellows need breaks from monotony.  They need to be praised. In retrospect, I should have gone to the school and made arrangements to reward his good behavior (going to class) with an hour in the office.

 Lessons learned

In the past, I made mistakes that I wouldn’t have made today, equipped with the knowledge the Color Code has given me. It would be great to go back and have “do-overs” but, alas, it’s not to be. The best that I can hope for is that I have learned the important lesson that there are many personalities in the world and that one is not better than the other–just different–and move forward strengthening my relationships, both old and new. CC

Teresa Glenn has been working with the Color Code since 2006, where her main focus is product development. She has been in the publishing and product development field for over 20 years. Teresa is a core Red with a strong Yellow secondary.