Ask the Expert: Be Yourself First…Then Adapt

You don’t have to change your entire persona to try to fit in. In fact, that probably won’t work. It might feel forced or perhaps scripted.

A few weeks ago, a student of the Color Code asked me a great question. She said, “I’m loving learning about how to adapt to work more effectively with each of the four Color Code styles, but I’m finding it difficult constantly trying to act like a Red for one co-worker and then switch into Yellow mode for somebody else. Does it get easier to present as each of the colors over time???”

While I applauded her commitment to applying what she’d been learning, I could tell she was seriously stressed over the idea of having to know everybody’s Color Code all the time and constantly trying to switch her style conversation by conversation.

As the realization of what she was attempting to do sunk in, I could see that she was simply overdoing things. I want to share with you the advice that I gave her in that moment. It was this:

“Be yourself first. Then adapt, if necessary.”

At the end of the day, it’s important to remember to be who you are. Remember to come from a place of authenticity, and you will be fine most of the time. People appreciate the fact that you are a real, unique, and completely valid human being. You have your little quirks, but so what? We all do! That’s one of the things that make others want to connect with us.

Then, there are those times, or those certain relationships, where little adjustments need to be made to create improvements. Maybe your boss really is a hard-charging Red, and you know that you need to stick to the “Red playbook” to maintain his/her respect. Guess what? You can still be a Blue, White, or Yellow, and “speak” Red. Be yourself, but get to the point, know your facts, execute competently, and things will be fine. No major adjustment necessary!

You don’t have to change your entire persona to try to fit in. In fact, that probably won’t work. It might feel forced or perhaps scripted.

I hope that makes sense. As much as I love, preach, and practice the Color Code, I would also remind you to not lose the wonderful person you are along the way. Rather, just be yourself, understand where people are coming from, and use this wonderful tool to make adjustments as you need to.

Here’s to your continued success!

Jeremy Daniel is the Vice President of Training for Color Code. He leads our Trainer Certification Program and has been teaching the Color Code and delivering motive-based applications to clients internationally since 1998.

How a Yellow Should Treat a Blue

For you Yellows out there who are married to or good friends with a Blue, it’s probably hard for you to understand them sometimes. If you don’t quite always know how to handle them, here are a few things you can do to treat your Blue loved ones right and help them stay sane.

Yellows and Blues are so opposite, it’s kind of comical. Yellows are carefree while Blues are professional worriers. Yellows are uncommitted and Blues are very committed. Yellows are self-centered and Blues are compassionate. These two colors are quite the opposite pair!

1. Help them see their worries in perspective

Worrying is tough for poor Blues, even though they’re so good at it. Don’t ignore their worries and don’t act like they don’t matter, either. Instead, help them see their worries in perspective by listening to why the Blue is worried and pointing out why they don’t have a reason to be. For example, if a Blue is worried they aren’t a good enough parent, ask them why they think that. If their answer has more to do with something they’re doing or not doing and not anything to do with their child’s behavior, help them see that. Point out evidence as to why they’re doing a great job and how much their kid loves them.

2. Combat their perfectionism with FUN

Blues are perfectionists, which can be a source of stress for them. As they go about their lives trying to be perfect in their behavior, relationships, work, various projects and to-dos, their mental health may suffer. Try to help break them of this perfectionism by showing them how they don’t have to be perfect and it can be fun. For example, if you’re married to a Blue, chances are they really like a clean house. But spending the weekend cleaning isn’t fun and may take way too much of their time as they try to perfectly polish the baseboards. To help them ease out of some of their perfectionism, take a weekend and camp out in the living room. Build a fort, buy some snacks, sleep on the couch cushions on the floor. Even though the mess may make them a little crazy, show them it’s OK to have fun and disregard responsibility for a weekend and that the mess can still get cleaned up later and it’ll all be OK.

3. Let Your Contagious Attitude Rub Off

Blues are very emotional and with their natural limitations of being overly sensitive and moody, life’s not always a happy dance for them. But Yellows’ natural gifts of being enthusiastic and optimistic are such a breathe of fresh air to be around. Blues need you and your happy nature to help them see the bright side of life. Watch Jimmy Fallon with them, take them out to an amusement park or just do something simple and fun together like go on a picnic and help them get out of their head. It’ll be good for them!

Yellows, you need Blues and Blues need you. Your strengths and gifts are such a blessing to them, please don’t underestimate that. Blues, what do you appreciate about the Yellow personality? Tell us in our comments below this post!

—The Color Code Team

Helping Reds Not Regret Their Words

On our recent Facebook post where we asked Reds what the hardest part about being a Red is, we noticed multiple comments from Reds saying the hardest part about being a Red is zipping their lips.

On our recent Facebook post where we asked Reds what the hardest part about being a Red is, we noticed multiple comments from Reds saying the hardest part about being a Red is zipping their lips. In other words, several commenters talked about how it is hard to keep their mouths shut.

Since several of our Facebook users mentioned this challenge, we thought we’d offer a few suggestions that may help you refrain from speaking too hastily.

1. Think About Other People’s Feelings First

One of our commenters mentioned the hardest part about being a Red is, “trying not to hurt people’s feelings with my direct opinions all the time – keeping my mouth shut.” We think she’s awesome for recognizing people’s feelings and thought it might be helpful for Reds to try to think more about their friends feelings rather than their need to voice their opinion if it’s one that may cause bad blood. Let’s say your friend dyes their hair blonde, and it looks pretty terrible. They may be either A. Already beating themselves up about it and hoping other people don’t think it looks as bad as they do or B. They like their hair and could be pretty offended if you said anything to the contrary. Even if you think they made a mistake, take a second to think about the impact of your words before you say anything. It basically boils down to the famous “Bambi” quote, “If you can’t say somethin’ nice, don’t say nothin’ at all.”

2. Take Five and Educate Someone Else

Let’s say you’re at work and your boss says something they heard over the weekend that you know is wrong but you also know it would be disrespectful to argue with them. Instead of arguing with them, take a little break when you get the chance, maybe at lunch, and text your spouse or a friend the actual fact. Maybe your boss will never know a tomato is a fruit and not a vegetable, but telling someone else this fact may be an outlet for you to feel like you could say something in a context that was more appropriate.

3. Give Yourself a Limit

Reds, it’s not like we want you to be silent participants in life. We need you. We think you’re awesome. If you know you’re right and someone else is suffering from wrong information and they NEED to be educated with the facts, speak up! Alternatively, everyone makes mistakes and you probably will have those days when you speak too hastily and offend someone or you annoy someone with your constant argument winning. If you happen to do this, make sure you set a limit for yourself on how much you can be outspoken in one day. If you’re having a rough morning and fail to zip your lips in situations that called for it more than 3 times, try to take yourself out of a situation where you might do it again if possible.

Reds, we hope our suggestions help you find it a little easier to keep quiet in the right situations. We are all about helping each other become better—or more “charactered” as we like to call it. Are there any Reds out there who have additional advice? Let us know by commenting under this post.

–The Color Code Team