When I first received my Color Code comprehensive assessment it confirmed what I always expected, I’m a bit crazy and complicated. The first sentence actually said, “Welcome to one of the most complex personalities known to man.” I knew it and I’m pretty sure my friends and family did too, but now I had proof!

As a Blue/Red I am a super control freak. I’m all heavyweight with barely an ounce of White or peace in my life. Go figure.

I was very excited after reading my assessment and taking the Color Code training classes. So excited in fact, I shared the tests with everyone including my boyfriend. I always knew my boyfriend and I were opposites, but I never realized HOW different. Here I am, the get it done, cross everything off my to do list type person and here was my Yellow/White boyfriend-all lightweight.

After the first year of dating wore off— (you know when the rainbows, butterflies, and sitting on Cloud 9 goes away and you start to experience a real relationship), we started to face off—heavyweight vs. lightweight. Being both emotional thinkers first, our fights weren’t pretty.

So how did we fair in the boxing ring?

Round 1: What’s my purpose in life?

Like many people, this is a question I am struggling with. I spend every day taking personality and career tests trying to find my purpose. I ponder it night and day, worrying that if I don’t say yes to helping every nonprofit or friend, I may miss my calling or connection that introduces me to my purposeful job. My lightweight boyfriend on the other hand, doesn’t seem to worry much. He enjoys his job of teaching tennis. Does he aspire to do other things in life? Yes, he’s sure of it, but for now he loves teaching tennis and has no other long-term goals. I couldn’t fathom this at first.” You don’t have a list of goals?” I asked, “I have a new list every month. You don’t ever worry you may be wasting time?”

“Nope,” he said and then countered, “How is it a waste of time enjoying the beautiful here and now? Sounds like you’re wasting your life away worrying, Brittany.” The lightweight had a point.

Through the years he has taught me that if I learn to go with the flow a little more and enjoy the present, perhaps my purpose would reveal itself naturally. Plus, I would be a lot happier having fun in the present. It’s a work in progress for this Heavy weight to let go, but having him around is a good reminder. Round 1 goes to the lightweight.

Round 2: How clean should a house be?

I am definitely not a super neat freak, but I am clean. Yes, I may have a messy closet or desk, but in general, my house is in top condition, especially in the areas where guests may come. I have a schedule for cleaning, I make sure everything is put away, and love a fresh scent of cinnamon apples always drifting through the house. The lightweight is beyond messy. He would prefer to spend time doing fun things instead of wasting time cleaning. The problem came when I tripped as I tried walking through his messy apartment or the time I found moldy food on the floor and started to throw up. “How can you live like this,” I screamed between gags. He shrugged and said he didn’t notice.

When he moved in with me, he finally did admit that it was nice to be in a clean, homey place. I felt a small sense of victory until I realized I was cleaning for two now, because he was complimenting MY cleaning skills, not volunteering to clean. I handed him the vacuum and said “great, glad you like it. Let’s get to work.” Round 2 goes to the heavyweight.

Round 3: What type of vacation do you want to take?

As a Blue/Red, I’ve been known to bring a folder of everything needed for a vacation. Sample itineraries, the top ten places to eat in the area, coupons…you name it; I am prepared for anything on the trip. I like to learn the history of the area and memorize the map. My boyfriend has been impressed with my restaurant choices and the quirky “must see” places I’ve taken him too, but he’s never been impressed with my fully loaded itineraries. “Vacations are for resting, too,” he said.

I yelled back, “Vacations are for seeing everything just in case you never go back to that location before you die.” Yes, blues can be dangerously pessimistic.

A few weeks ago, he decided one night in advance that we would go to NYC to watch the U.S. Open tennis matches the next day. Was I excited? Yes. Did he have any idea where we were going to stay when hundreds of thousands of people where descending on New York to watch the U.S. Open, let alone everyone else who visits New York?  No.

I searched for over four hours, almost ready to throw the computer at the lightweight for not mentioning this trip sooner and already buying tickets. Finally, I found one lone hotel in Manhattan for $132 a night- affordable and three stars. Was it extremely small? Yes. Did it have a bed and a shower? Perfect.

So who won this round? NYC was amazing even last minute, but my vacations have also been amazing. I make this round a tie. Sometimes spontaneity is great, but sometimes a little planning helps make the trip go more smoothly.

Round 4: The Winner

One of the first things I learned in Color Code Training was to make sure I tell my training classes that no color is better than another color. So don’t worry, I am not going to deem Blue/Reds better than Yellow/Whites (although some days I am a bit partial). Instead, I am going to tell you a couple lessons I have learned from my Color Code experience.

The fights my boyfriend and I were having over vacations, houses, jobs, goals etc., were definitely culminating to pretty tough boxing matches on a daily basis. It all started to change the night I had him take the Color Code test. We sat reading each other’s comprehensive assessments and both got teary eyed. All those things we sometimes hated about each other, we actually began to understand the motivation behind them. I realized that I really did love the beauty of a Yellow. He was able to always see the positive, stay in the present moment and go with the flow. He really did wake up singing and excited for each day. He also realized that he adored many of my Blue qualities like my thoughtfulness and how detail-oriented I am. He said my qualities made up for his faults. A few days later he bought me a yin yang bracelet and said it reminded him of us because our strengths and weaknesses even each other out. It was an important reminder that we really do need all four colors in this world. It also taught me to continue working on adding Yellow and White qualities to my life in pursuit of balance. CC

Brittany Barhite is a Color Code trainer in Toledo, OH. She oversees communications for a nonprofit. Throughout her career she has worked in training and change management, as well as marketing. She has her masters in communications and also teaches small group communications and public speaking at a community college.