This month, I’m choosing to not respond to any one question in particular, but rather to address a reoccurring theme that comes up in a lot of questions I receive.

The question is usually something like this:”I am a Red and my partner is a Blue, and sometimes I really don’t know what to do help him/her. My partner loves to talk with me about his/her problems, but the minute I try to help identify a solution, he/she is frustrated with me. Maybe this is the logical side of me, but why would you ask somebody for help if you really don’t want it in the first place???”

It is actually perfectly illustrated in the following video you may have seen on our Facebook page. Check this out, and then I have some more commentary for you:

 

Don’t you just love it? I think it’s such a classic Red/Blue scenario. I have to laugh about it in spite of the completely real and frustrating problem that it is for the people involved.Please forgive my insensitivity. Let’s just blame it on my irreverent, Yellow sense of humor.

I think it helps to understand some of the dynamics at play:

1. First of all – this is not a gender issue. Our data shows that there are just as many Red women in the population as Red men, and that there are just as many Blue men int he population as Blue women. Please keep that in mind as you continue reading.
2. For a Blue, it’s about being understood – not being “fixed”. Sometimes the best thing that you can do is just listen, hear them out, and try to empathize.
3. For a Red, dynamic #1 makes no sense at all because the way that they show that they care is by helping solve problems. Why in the world would we just talk about them???
4. Blues want to solve their own problems, but they want you to care and to be involved. An approach like, “What do you think I can do to help?” is going to be much better received than, “Here’s what we’re going to do”.
5. Reds can be too impatient to wait for the Blue to work through it on their own, which makes it nearly impossible for them to express much sensitivity. In a Red’s mind, when the answer is staring you in the face and you choose to ignore it – you deserve to be in the position you’re in.
6. Blues are approaching this from an emotional perspective and are wanting to feel the connection from their partner.
7. Reds are approaching this from a strictly logical perspective and are wanting to move from problem to solution as efficiently as possible.

So which is the correct approach? Well, it probably depends on whether you are Red or Blue. 🙂

The best way to deal with these situations though is to exercise the “Platinum Rule”, because the “Golden Rule” probably isn’t going to cut it.

We can’t just do unto others what we would have them do unto us. That implies that we are trying to get them to do things our way.

Instead, we need to do unto others as they would have us do unto them.

So yes, you Reds heard me. It’s time to be more sensitive even though it goes against your grain.

You Blues should be hearing me as well. Try to be more logical when dealing with your Red partner and not demand that they wallow with you in the depth of your emotional struggles. Remember, if they didn’t care, they wouldn’t be trying to help solve your problems.

To all of you who find yourselves in these situations, please note that a little awareness about what makes the other person “tick” goes a long, long way here. That’s why MOTIVE is so powerful. Once you get it, it’s a lot easier to readily understand and accept each other. From there, add a small dose of humility and a willingness to work on the relationship, and these little things we get hung up on will come up a lot less frequently.

Very best of living,

Jeremy Daniel
Training Director
Color Code International

 

Jeremy Daniel (Core Color: Yellow) has been working with the Color Code since 1998 in various capacities from training in the field personally with Dr. Taylor Hartman to designing customized corporate solutions and new training programs for various industries.  To ask about Jeremy’s training or speaking services, please email and inquiry to jeremy@colorcodetraini