So let me give you a few insights on how Reds–especially Red men–look at Valentine’s Day, as well as some tips on what to do so that you are not disappointed (again) by a box of cheap chocolates and a cheesy afterthought-of-a-greeting card that he picked up on the way home from work.

You mentioned that before you were married, your husband always made Valentine’s Day special, but now that you’ve tied the knot — his track record has been a little less than stellar.

The first piece of advice I have for you, may be the hardest to internalize, but here it goes…

Don’t take it personally.

Now, as a Blue, you might be thinking, “What?!! Obviously I’m going to take this personally, this is my HUSBAND we’re talking about! I am his WIFE, and this is nothing butPERSONAL!”

Of course, you’re right. Marriage by nature is one of the most – if not the most – personal connections an individual will have in their lifetime. What I mean, though, is that it is highly likely that his change of behavior has nothing to do with the way he feels about you and more to do with the way that he thinks in general.

Reds are logical, productivity oriented individuals who love to check things off of their “To-Do” list. For example:

• Graduate at the top of my class. (Check!)
• Land a great career opportunity. (Check!)
• Find a beautiful, capable woman to date. (Check!)
• Woo like a mad man – especially on Valentine’s Day – (sub-list needed):
  • Get reservations at the city’s best restaurant. (Check!)
  • Find front row tickets at her dream concert. (Check!)
  • Take her to an oceanfront beach resort in Thailand. (Check!)
  • Buy her the perfect engagement ring/pop the question. (Check!)
  • Get married. (Check!)
• Get refocused on career. (Check!)
• Have the best lawn in the neighborhood. (Check!)
• Work on my golf game. (Check!)
• Etc., etc., etc.

Reds have a game plan, and they work it from A-Z. What typically happens is that they date like nobody else, and then once they get the girl, that item is logically “checked off this list” and they continue to move forward with other items.

Since the wooing is done and the girl has been landed, why would they now “waste” money on fancy dinner reservations, concerts, and exotic trips? They have to be investing for retirement, and saving up for a better “image car” with which to impress potential clients and other people of influence, after all.

I realize all of this might sound kind of cold, but Reds don’t see it that way, which is the most important thing to remember. It really isn’t about YOU.

Now… how do we change this?

This is also a pretty straightforward process with Red men. It’s very safe to say that they still love you and that you still have their interest – otherwise, they would have let you know by now. You always know where you stand with a Red, which can give you a lot of security in the relationship (which I know  you Blues really love).

All you have to do is tell them that the wooing isn’t over, and that you’d better be put back on “the list” if they want this relationship to continue to work. Tell them what you want and what you expect, and be STRONG about it.

I don’t mean emotionally intense, by the way. Getting worked up emotionally is one of the worst things that you can do, actually, because Reds don’t know how to go to emotion very easily, – nor do they want to – and they might end up seeing you as “pathetic” and not really taking you seriously.

You do want to be logically strong, however. State your case, say what you need to say, lay out your expectations and stand your ground.

For example, don’t be afraid to tell him:

“Valentine’s Day is coming up, and I just want you to know that you were really good at making that day special and romantic when we were dating. But, for the past few years you’ve treated romance like a total non-priority, and I’m not okay with that because it makes me feel like I’m not important to you. So here’s the deal… if you want to get what you want on Valentine’s Day (ahem), you had better bring the romance. I know it’s not the 4th of July, but if you want fireworks, you’ve got to light the fuse. Are we clear?”

(Crystal).

Remember, the point is state your feelings and expectations clearly, logically, and succinctly. If Valentine’s Day works out a little better for you this year – which I’m betting it will if you try these strategies – don’t be afraid to continually remind him that you are not, – nor will you ever be – “checked off the list” and that wooing is an ongoing process that you expect from him.

I hope that helps. Thank you for asking!

Very best of living,

Jeremy Daniel

Jeremy Daniel (Core Color: Yellow) has been working with the Color Code since 1998 in various capacities from training in the field personally with Dr. Taylor Hartman to designing customized corporate solutions and new training programs for various industries.  To ask about Jeremy’s training or speaking services, please email and inquiry to jeremy@colorcodetraining.com.