Weekly Tools and Tips to Improve Any Relationship
Last month we discussed how to celebrate Mother’s Day based on each driving core motive. This month, we’ll tackle Father’s Day.
This will be a bit more complex, because we have to allow for what I call the “man filter”.
What is the “man filter?” It is the socialital imposed filter that says, “boys don’t cry”, or “tough it out”, or “real men don’t eat quiche.” You know what I mean. They have learned the need to be strong and unemotional, regardless of their Color Code driving core motive.
I know, I know…we all have filters—including women. But, for this article, we will include this particular filter where applicable—which makes describing Father’s Day a bit more challenging.
Your Red father has always been the unquestioned leader in the home. He is resourceful, responsible, and always provides you with good advice and direction. However, there is no doubt he is in control. His leadership is absolutely unquestioned. He loves you, but doesn’t always show it. Your father can be quite demanding and expects you to live up to his demands.
Be careful when you ask your Red dad what he wants for father’s day. Remember, he is literal, logical, and a bit selfish. He just might out with “a Callaway Men’s Big Bertha Alpha udesign Driver” to the tune of $600. I mean, he did give you LIFE right? Instead you might just say, “How ‘bout we go golfing on me?” Just don’t be offended when he criticizes your swing. If you give him a t-shirt that says “World’s Greatest Dad”, you might just catch him using it as a chamois.
The Blue father is the biggest victim of the “man filter”. He is motivated by intimacy, but does not want to appear weak by showing too much tender emotion. If you are his daughter, the filter may not be a problem. If you are his son, you might find your father to be judgmental and hard to please. Don’t be fooled. He loves you a lot. He worries about you. He brags about you. He wants nothing more than to see you happy and settled.
Your Blue father will be gratified at any acknowledgement given for his part in your success in life, your happiness and well-being. If you give him a t-shirt that says “World’s Greatest Dad”, he might not wear it to work, but he’ll wear it when alone and puttering and will always remember when you gave it to him.
Your White father is quiet, but observant and the most enduring of parents. He wants you to have the best life possible. When you ask, he will give well thought-out logical advice. It will be with no judgment or demands. If he is disappointed in you, he won’t lecture, bluster, or punish. He’ll sit in his lazy-boy with a soulful, disappointed look and shake his head. You will feel very small indeed.
Spend some quiet time with your dad on Father’s Day. Don’t make a big production out of it. If he comes to your house for the celebration, don’t be offended if he seems to be in a hurry to go home, where he is most comfortable. If you give him a t-shirt that says “World’s Greatest Dad” you will find it in his closet many years from now, with the tags still on it.
Your Yellow father is energetic and full of life. He loves adventure and wants his kids to love it, too. He is inclusive of your friends…the more the merrier, and your house is the most likely place to congregate. He isn’t very good at commitments or discipline. He might threaten in the heat of the moment, but seldom follows through. He might be the dad who will spend his last few dollars taking the whole family to dinner and a movie, only to have the heat turned off the next day.
Call your Yellow dad and ask him what he wants to do. He won’t have any qualms about telling you. He’ll want to be surrounded by those he loves. Figure out a fun adventure that everyone can participate in. If you give him a t-shirt that says “World’s Greatest Dad” he will wear it with pride.
So, no matter what color your father is, the only thing he really wants is to know that he did well, and that you are happy. Be sure and give him what he wants.
Happy Father’s Day! CC
Teresa Glenn has been working with the Color Code since 2006, where her main focus is product development. She has been in the publishing and product development field for over 20 years. Teresa is a core Red with a strong Yellow secondary.
