Dear, Jeremy:

Is there a compatibility preference for each color? Like Whites interact better with Blues and Reds, etc.?

Regards,

Tim

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Dear Tim.

What a great question! Thanks for taking the time to ask. When we teach our workshops or deliver keynote speeches, this is one of the questions that almost comes up in every single group, and rightfully so! All life is about relationships, so this is a very important question to ask.

So keep reading here and I’ll break it down for you.

Let’s start by taking a look at some of the personality dynamics you will find in the various relationship combinations.

First of all, each Color complements or “adds to” every other Color, so when looking to build relationships, it’s more about what kinds of dynamics you want and/or need. In other words, your own personal preference, your unique blend of strengths, limitations, secondary Color dynamics, character development etc. are all going to come into play here. That’s why there is no perfect relationship combination that you should seek nor is there a combination that by nature is doomed for failure. They can all work or fail depending on the effort that is given both individually and together.

It is true that some Colors are opposites but appeal to each other for a sense of completion and to make them feel whole. These very natural fits are what we call “Complementary Opposites”. You see this in either the Red-White or the Yellow-Blue connections. One of the reasons that these connections can seem so naturally compatible is that they share the same logical or emotional orientation, and there is leadership present but no real power struggle.

For example, Reds and Whites are both logical types of people, so they connect there. Further, Reds likes to take charge, be in control, and provide leadership, while Whites are more non-controlling, go-with-the-flow types. Reds and Whites enjoy a practical orientation to relationships and rely on fact and common sense to illuminate their way. They share similar perceptions of power, excitement, and leadership.

Blues and Yellows are the other “complementary opposite”. They are both emotionally driven. The Blue in the relationship likes to be in control and provide the structure, while the non-controlling Yellow is free to bring lots of energy and positive, carefree attitude. The mutually seek a close, personal connection.

The next types of relationships we’ll discuss are the “Complementary Similarities”. These generally aren’t quite as effortless as the Complementary Opposites, but still do pretty well together naturally. In this category you will find the Red-Yellow relationship and the Blue-White relationship. In both cases, the risk of a conflict over power and control is very low; however, both relationships will experience the ongoing hurdle of emotion vs. logic.

In the case of the Reds and Yellows, the Red wants to be in control, and the Yellow is happy to not have to have the added responsibility that that often brings. Reds are, logical creatures, however, while Yellows are more emotional. All in all, there are many ways in which they can be naturally very similar. For instance, they both share strong verbal skills, insensitivity, and positive-action orientation.

With Blues and Whites, on the other hand, the Blue wants to be in control, and the White is fine with that as long as that control doesn’t extend too destroy their own sense of independence. Blues are driven by their emotions, and Whites are highly logical, which can potentially create a disconnect. However, they are very similar in their nonverbal preference, sensitivity, and desire to accommodate each other and even others outside of the relationship.

Next, we’ll turn to the Yellow-White connection, which we call “Comfortable Opposites”. In this relationship style, both parties really like each other and are therefore quite comfortable. Even though they have different orientations toward logic and emotion – Whites are the logical ones here, while Yellows bring the emotion – there never really seems to be any major power struggle for who will be in charge. In fact, the problem is quite the exact opposite – NEITHER wants to be in charge and take control; therefore, leadership, urgency, growth, and progress in general will suffer. Because of this dynamic, Yellows and Whites are actually far less likely to connect than Reds and Blues, even though the Red-Blue relationship experiences far more conflict.

Speaking of which… we call the Red-Blue relationship “Non-Complementary Opposites”. Remember – that doesn’t mean that this relationship can’t work. Actually, it can be the most dynamic relationship if they can get over their differences. However, it does generally take a lot of work because the potential for conflict is quite high. The reason for that is because they both want to be in charge and seek to control each other. Further, there is a logical – emotional disconnect. Reds are logical, and Blues are emotional. Interestingly enough, this is one of the most common relationship blends both in personal relationships and in business. It happens because they both share the desire to make things happen, to commit, and to show up.

By way of conclusion, in any relationship blend, life can be wonderful or it can be terrible. It all comes down to knowing yourself, seeking to understand the other person in the relationship, and from there being willing to appreciate them for who they are (as opposed to trying to force them into being more like you). Last of all, remember to learn to speak the other person’s language so that you are communicating in a way that they like to hear and understand.

Tim, thanks again taking the time to write. I hope that these insights will help you as you continue to build new and existing relationships throughout your life.