As a high Red, What sorts of positive traits do I bring to parenting? (I’m very well aware of the obstacles/negative traits). I really struggle to feel fulfilled at home with little kids, especially because I have a high-powered job that I find exciting and challenging … but I also want to be happy on the weekends when I’m home with my kids!
Thank you so much for asking this question! I’ve been married to a wonderful Red for over 18 years. We have four kids who adore her; however, sometimes she doesn’t see the same value in herself as they see in her. Sound familiar?
So, I’d like to answer your question and dedicate this post to both of you so that you can hopefully see the gift that you are to the rest of us.
Obviously work and family life are very different. As a Red, sometimes work life may seem quite a bit easier. You are challenged. You make things happen. You have goals and deadlines. And then, of course, there are those wonderful weekly paychecks!
It’s all so logical, and dysfunction is not tolerated long-term because if you can’t be efficient and productive (my wife’s favorite adjectives), you will simply be asked to find another job.
Right?! It’s a Red’s kind of world, for sure.
Then there’s family life, which can be so opposite.
It can be so irrational at times. You try to make things happen, but sometimes those darn 3-year-olds just refuse to cooperate! People create chaos instead of order. Children can be defiant, and there is very little respect for their “leaders.”
There are no scheduled “emotional paychecks,” and you can’t “fire” your kids for not measuring up to expectations.
Your nature brings so many gifts to their very existence from which they will benefit for the rest of their lives.
I’m prepared to give you seven examples here:
1. You teach and model urgency.
Abraham Lincoln once said, “Things may come to those who wait, but only the things left by those who hustle.”
As a Red parent, you teach your kids, by example, to be go-getters. You instill in them a sense that if you want something in life, you need to take the responsibility upon yourself to make it happen.
They may not like it at the time. They may even fight you on it, but those hard lessons pay BIG dividends later in life.
2. You are a practical problem solver.
You see logical answers to problems and instinctively move to solve them. When your children are emotional and frazzled, you don’t get drawn into the despair. No, you RALLY! (and you teach them to do the same).
Learning to move from an unproductive emotional state to a more productive rational one is a tool that your children absolutely need in order to thrive in a world that is full of problems, challenges and complicated issues that will affect them.
3. You create action and adventure.
There are two types of people in this world – those who have grand dreams and those who actively pursue them.
What kind of person do you hope your child will be?
Walt Disney said, “If you can dream it, you can do it.” The focus here, of course, is on the action and the achievement – not the daydream.
That is one of the great gifts you bring to the table. If your child told you that he/she wanted to try out for the basketball team, or be a heart surgeon, or travel through Europe, you would never respond by saying something like, “wouldn’t that be nice?”
No way! Through my own personal experience, I know what you would do is help them chart their course and gather the supplies they will need for their journey.
4. You help them feel secure.
Whether you realize it or not, I promise that to your children, you are an absolute rock. Kids need that, because sometimes even kid life can be scary.
In their eyes, you are fearless. You are bold. And if, by chance, a mountain somewhere needed to be moved, they know you could do it.
I know you feel insecure inside – just like everybody else – but you likely don’t show it or panic under pressure or get easily overwhelmed. Never underestimate the value of that.
Further, Red parents tend to be resourceful in providing for the financial security of families. They work hard and smart to always keep things on track and to prepare for the future.
5. You provide structure.
Kids don’t want to be responsible, dislike doing homework and hate eating their vegetables (at least the non-Blue kids – haha!)
Your response? “Tough!”
You teach that there must be structure and order to things. You know the value of responsibility and have your sight set on a much larger vision. You are willing to sacrifice in the short term to win in the end.
Show me an adult who never learned that lesson, and I’ll show you a very limited and unfulfilled human being. That is NOT an option for your kids – even if you have to be the “bad guy” every now and then.
6. You teach them to be resolute and to never give up!
Victories that come easily do little to shape character. One year, my wife chose the following theme for our family: “We can do hard things.” She pushed everyone to challenge themselves to do something difficult and daunting, which is a very Red mind set.
You never shy away from a challenge, and if you decide you are going to compete for something, you will stop at nothing on your way to achieving your goal.
You teach your children to have that same resolve. You help them learn from their mistakes and rise up stronger and better each time they fall short.
7. You give them the confidence to believe in themselves!
Self-confidence comes from doing, from achieving, from taking something on and seeing it through to the end.
That style is all you know, and you support your children in adopting that same mentality.
I have a daughter with a White personality. She is naturally abundantly kind, but is not necessarily outgoing and friendly. She wanted to run for student government, but didn’t think she would be elected.
In stepped my Red wife, whom I affectionately refer to as my daughter’s “life coach.” She gives her mini-assignments to work on daily. Some are as simple as asking three people what they did over the weekend and then show interest in their responses. Some are outlining the steps for a successful campaign, or asking her how she would design posters and handouts, etc.
Would you believe that my daughter is her 9th grade class president and is running for president again next year?
Confidence, like anything, can be taught, and I can think of no better role model than YOU.
So there you have it, Lisa. I hope that you are beginning to see the wonder of who you are and what you mean to your children.
Can you imagine what they will achieve in the future and the example they will grow up to be for their children and their grandchildren because of the lessons you teach on a daily basis?
You are establishing a legacy that we should all work to emulate.
Here’s to the magic of YOU!
Jeremy Daniel is the Vice President of Training for Color Code. He leads our Trainer Certification Program and has been teaching the Color Code and delivering motive-based applications to clients internationally since 1998.