Dear Jeremy,

I profiled as a Red. I don’t think that is a bad thing to be, but now my family thinks that the Red is all that I am. They think I’m controlling and unkind. What do I do to convince them that I have many layers?

Yours truly,

“Red”

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Dear “Red”,

What a great question! Speaking of layers, I see a few in your question and comments that I would like to address here.

Certainly being Red is not a bad thing at all! Every Color has wonderful strengths that should be openly shared and celebrated. It is also true that every Color has terrible limitations that should be regularly evaluated and addressed as well.

Another reality is that no two Reds are ever exactly alike. Take Donald Trump and Mother Theresa for example. Is it possible that they are actually both cut from the same “Red” fabric? Absolutely! In fact, it is very probable that they actually are both strong Reds.

So yes, there are layers. Secondary Color; your personal needs, wants, instincts and preferences; character development or dysfunction; and many other factors will play into what makes you, uniquely you.

In reading your email, two questions came to my mind, and those are the ones I want to focus on for my reply:

Question #1: Do you value yourself as a Red?

Question #2: What are you doing to develop the reputation that you desire?

Let’s dive in…

Question #1: Do you value yourself as a Red?

The reason that I’m asking this question is that I perceive that you taking your family’s comments very personally. This obviously hurts (or you wouldn’t be asking). I’m sure there are still challenges out in the world for you to conquer, and if this was of small importance, you wouldn’t take the time to inquire. I also know that Reds require approval from a select few—not the masses, but rather people who are important to them. Family is usually right at or very near the top of that list.

The more secure you feel about yourself and your own intrinsic value, the better equipped you will be to take feedback without getting hurt by it.

The next time a family member points out that you are too controlling or unkind, would you be able to say, “Really? I don’t see that about myself. What am I missing?”

…or will you get defensive and fight back and try to “convince them” (your words) that you are right and they are wrong?

This is a hard thing for Reds to learn. It requires self-esteem and humility. If it helps to know, both will make you stronger, more capable, and happier. You have to learn to value who you are just because you exist —just because you breathe. You can’t base your self-worth on the magnitude of your last great victory or accomplishment.

Question #2: What are you doing to develop the reputation that you desire?

You may have heard it said that “perception is reality”. In other words, if your interactions with other people leave them feeling like you are overly controlling or unkind, maybe – just maybe – is there something to that?

I’m not saying that other people might not be the problem either – just so you know.

I certainly have seen people with a bias toward another Color. Those people might not be able to value what you bring to the table simply because they don’t approve of your style in general (for whatever reason). Please keep that in mind. I’m not necessarily saying that this is all your problem.

…However, I am saying that it usually is. 🙂

Again, instead of trying to convince people to see things or do things your way, challenge yourself to be more responsible. Challenge yourself to ask the question, “What about me makes me seem overly controlling or unkind?”

Can you do that?

If so, challenge yourself to take note of those things that come to mind. Try to do them differently. Ask for the feedback of others and listen to what they say. If you fight back, they will only start telling you what you want to hear. That, however, is never true growth.

If you are humble and you listen and apply and ask for more feedback, you just might impress your family and cause them to want to be more helpful, encouraging, and positive.

In short, they will see your other layers because you will have begun to earn the reputation of having them.

To quote Dr. Hartman, “Personality is a gift. Character is a victory!”

In my experience, victories are always something that you have to fight for…

So, onward and upward, my Red friend. Your new challenge awaits, and a more refined “YOU” will be your prize.

Very best of living,

Jeremy Daniel
Training Director
Color Code

Jeremy Daniel (Core Color: Yellow) has been working with the Color Code since 1998 in various capacities from training in the field personally with Dr. Taylor Hartman to designing customized corporate solutions and new training programs for various industries.  To ask about Jeremy’s training or speaking services, please email and inquiry to jeremy@colorcodetraining.com.