Mr. Jeremy-

Hello. My name is Emma, and I am a Blue. When I received my test results I noticed that Blues have a lot of needs to be fulfilled. They need to be appreciated, to be understood, be kind to, etc. However, I don’t feel like I’m getting these needs met. I also don’t know how to ask for them, because I feel like that is imposing too much on other busy people.

Is there a way I can either eliminate these needs or fulfill them myself? If not, how do I ask for these needs to be met? I don’t want to impose on others or scare them off because I’m needy. Thanks.

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Dear Emma,

Thank you so much for writing in with your excellent question. I would love to respond, and I hope that what I have to say can really be helpful to you. Here’s what we are going to cover in brief:

Every Color has significant Needs & Wants (not just Blues).

The only Color that absolutely requires the involvement of others to be fulfilled.

Asking for what you need (without feeling guilty).

To begin, please allow me to say, that you were so nice in the way that you asked the question, I wondered to myself whether you have a White secondary color. I haven’t seen your results, but it wouldn’t surprise me if you do.

That said, it seems it would be nearly impossible for you to “scare someone off”. 🙂

The reason I bring this up will become more apparent when I get to part 3 of my response.

For now, back to the top of the list…

1. Every Color has significant Needs & Wants (not just Blues).

When you read through your list of Needs & Wants, I can see how it would feel like you might have a lot of them, but please don’t be overwhelmed by that. Every Color has significant Needs & Wants. Blues may need to be good morally, but at the same time, Reds need to look good academically, and Whites need to feel good inside, and Yellows need to look good socially. (Do you get what I mean?)

So don’t think that you have more than others, per se, although it is possible that you could be more “needy” (your words) in having those be fulfilled. It is also possible, that as a Blue (and the same is usually true for Whites), you tend to be too hard on yourself.

I’m not sure which is the case, because I’ve never met you, but both are very real possibilities for you to consider after gathering some constructive feedback from people who really know you.

Let’s move to the next topic.

2. The only Color that absolutely requires the involvement of others to be fulfilled.

Of the four Driving Core Motives: Power (Red), Intimacy (Blue), Peace (White), and Fun (Yellow), the only one of these that absolutely REQUIRES the involvement of others to be fulfilled is… (you guessed it!), the Blues.

By definition, “Intimacy” requires the involvement of other people to be fulfilled. Power, Peace, and Fun, you can do on your own.

A lot of the Blues that I know or have worked with over time will also mirror your comment on feeling like they are not getting enough fulfillment from others. It’s pretty common, and Blues tend to have high expectations of the way that others should treat them.

The reason why, (which is extremely important to know, by the way), is that Blues give of themselves and serve others on a very high level. You, as a Blue, Emma, probably have really high expectations of yourself and are hard on yourself when you are not serving or giving on the level that you believe you should be. Truth be told, your expectations of yourself, (if you are like most Blues), are probably too high. When you have high expectations of yourself, most Blues extend that out to other people as well, and therefore you have high expectations of the way others should be interacting with you.

A Blue might think, “If I were you, and I knew my friend were struggling with ‘X’ problem, I would do this, or that, or…”

The logic that follows is dangerous, because it looks like this, “but because you’re not doing [what I would do], it could ONLY mean that you just don’t (fill in the blank… for example: ‘really care about me at all’)!”

If you fall into that way of thinking, I suggest you work on giving people a bit of a break. It’s not fair to hold them to the same high standards that you have of yourself, (which are likely unrealistic anyway). This can help eliminate some of the “neediness”.

We see the same kind of thing happen with other Colors, incidentally. For example, Reds are extremely productive, and they push themselves to accomplish quite a LOT of work. They have the tendency to expect similar levels of output for those who work for them, which can be completely unrealistic and can result in major burnout from their employees.

The bottom line is that it is dangerous to make comparisons between what we expect of ourselves and the way we think other people should be doing things.

So, let’s focus next on:

3. Asking for what you need (without feeling guilty).

As I mentioned at the beginning of my response, I felt that you asked about this so nicely, almost as a White might ask. Most Blues are a little stronger about asking for what they need, though they still might worry that they are the problem.

In any case, I think the first key is to know the Color of the person from whom are you asking for additional consideration so that you can really put it in their language as opposed to doing it in yours. When you try to make them see it your “Blue” way, sometimes that feels needy to other people.

My experience, though, is that people don’t mind if you ask, as long as you speak their language. Try to think rationally instead of emotionally before you ask. Find a way in advance to keep your request succinct and sincere without requiring that the other person completely UNDERSTANDS (Blues tend to want to force that bit of it) all of the circumstances surrounding your request, and emotions, etc. That’s when it usually feels like it is too much for others.

Try to keep it light, and realize that as a Blue, it still may come across a little heavy to the other person. Remember, your standards are not their standards.

Thanks again, Emma! I hope that helps.

Very best of living,

Jeremy Daniel
Training Director
Color Code International

Jeremy Daniel (Core Color: Yellow) has been working with the Color Code since 1998 in various capacities from training in the field personally with Dr. Taylor Hartman to designing customized corporate solutions and new training programs for various industries.  To ask about Jeremy’s training or speaking services, please email and inquiry to jeremy@colorcodetraining.com.