Woof! I need some help! I’m a Blue (Secondary White), married to a STRONG Red (Secondary Yellow) with an almost pure Yellow (secondary possibly White) child! Which explains why at age 33 I have more white hair than people double my age lol. Anyone else in a similar challenging relationship/family structure and how do you (in particular my fellow blues) manage?
Your question makes me think of something I’ve heard Dr. Hartman say a hundred times while addressing an audience. He says, “If you are a Blue, married to a Red and you have a Yellow child, just know that God is having a great laugh!”.
I’m sure you probably know exactly why, right? 😉
I really do feel for you, and I have a few words of advice… First of all, I think that it’s fantastic that you are learning about the Color Code. I’m not sure how deep your knowledge goes, but if you haven’t read the book, listened to the seminar CDs or attended a live workshop in the past, it’s probably time you start with some additional education. The book is the least expensive option, of course, and a little bit of knowledge will go a looooonnnng way for you.
Second of all, while you are learning, one of the best lessons you can understand is how to set accurate and reasonable expectations for what you can (and can’t) expect from these important relationships. For example, with your spouse being a Red, you probably can’t expect (or demand) a deep, intimate connection all the time. It may be something that you would like, but you have to realize that it takes a lot of extra work for your spouse to get there – just like it takes extra work for you to be blunt with people, or take risks, or just forget about work for a day and go play. This will help take some of the pressure off and hopefully decrease the amount of worry that you may feel that is directly related to these relationships. If you are like most Blues, you probably set really high (…as in—unreasonable) expectations for yourself and for others. When people – like your Yellow child—for instance, don’t live up to those expectations, you feel let down, and he/she may feel as though he/she will never measure up. It’s not easy for either of you in that scenario… and then of course, you feel guilty. So that’s why it’s important to manage those expectations and allow people to be who they are. Sometimes we have to remind ourselves that “different” does not mean “wrong” —especially where others’ behaviors and life attitudes are concerned.
The third, and last piece of advice that I have for you goes hand-in-hand with the last one. It is to learn to not take things personally. As a Blue, that can be tough, but once you figure out how to do it, you will feel liberated. You really will.
Listen, Reds and Yellows both can be insensitive at times. With Reds you really need to realize that whatever it is that they say—no matter how harsh it sounds—is not meant as a personal attack. They really don’t have time for that, if you think about it. With Yellows, on the other hand, you have to learn to accept some playful teasing—even if it’s a little more than you feel comfortable with. Trust me. I’m a Yellow, and I know what I’m talking about here. If a Yellow doesn’t like you, they don’t tease you. So, when you experience a little ribbing from your Yellow child, or general playfulness, it’s probably a good sign.
Life and relationships can be complicated. I hope that my response here today helps you decode some of the things you deal with on a daily basis.
Onward and upward!
Very best of living,
Color Code International