My oldest son is getting married in June. He is forty years old and this is his first marriage. No, he isn’t ugly, stupid, or unmarriageable in any obvious way. He is a White. He has been in long-term relationships before, but nothing ever happened. He seemed content, and as is with many Whites, that was enough. Not so for the other halves of those relationships.

Finally, he found his Blue fiancé—or to be more precise, she found him. They have been together for 3 years and it looked to me as if the relationship would be the same as the others, until one night he called to let me know that he had proposed. Stunned, I didn’t ask why, but my guess is she wasn’t as complacent with the status quo as he. Thank goodness for Blues.

She is the perfect companion for my White son. On the surface it appears as though they have nothing in common—he loves music, she loves sports; he is a bit granola, she is all girl. What they do have is a mutual respect for each other’s needs. He attends concerts—she, baseball games. Like many White/Blue relationships, there is no forced companionship and each is content to do what they enjoy—without reprisal. They are each comfortable in their own skins.

But wedding plans are a different story. It is a stressful time for all brides and grooms, but particularly for my White son. Imagine his delight when his father-in-law-to-be offered the couple an outrageous amount of money to elope. Then imagine his confusion when his Blue fiancé flatly refused. Like many women, she wants the storybook wedding. Like many men (especially White men), he is ambivalent.

My son lives three states away from me and consequently we use Skype as our communication method of choice. A few months ago, I detected a strain in his voice and I have to admit, it made me a bit nervous. “Ma,” he said, “I need you up here. I can’t take all this wedding planning stuff.” Turns out, my son was being overwhelmed by all the Blue emotion and was in need of a logical ally. When I confided to a friend my unwillingness to go, she asked me if my son had ever asked me for anything. I had to admit, he hadn’t.

Being the Red that I am, I figured I could make all the necessary arrangements for my part of the wedding (flowers, tuxedos, rehearsal dinner, etc.) using my BFF, Google, and my other BFF, iPhone. I don’t need that warm fuzzy feeling that comes from constant discussions and committee meetings. Look it up, get it ordered, cross it off the list.

Still, as my carbon-based friend reminded me, my son has always been one of those maintenance-free kids. With all the maintenance his Yellow brother has required throughout the years, I figure my White has an account with interest. I went.

Because we decided to opt for suits rather than the traditional tuxedos, my only goal for the trip was to purchase a suit for the groom. And because all the wedding party would be wearing suits, the mother, father and brother of the bride asked if they could come along on the shopping trip. It didn’t take me long to quick-code them as Blues. All of them. I know that any White would be overwhelmed by the idea of shopping with six other people, but in this case he was made to shop with five Blues and a Red. I could already see the silent stubbornness starting to assert itself. We hit the stores and immediately we had as many opinions as we did people. I commented in a sarcastic tone that only waiters and undertakers wore solid black suits and that the suits should have a subtle pin strip. The mother of the bride felt that a solid black suit was more formal. You get the picture. It wasn’t long before my son shut down completely. Being the procrastinator that some Whites are, he wanted to postpone the purchase indefinitely and go eat.

The next day the three of us went shopping. I stayed in the tie department and left the suit decision to my son and his bride. Mission accomplished, and lesson learned.

With all the different personalities that go into planning a wedding, it is best to recognize and respect the needs of each color. Reds, like me, need to get the job done, cross it off our list with as little fanfare as possible. Blues need think about and discuss each decision made, going through all the possible problems that might arise. Yellows…well they will love the bringing together of a party, and will happily leave the difficult decisions to others. And Whites? Well, they need to have space and distance from all the Blues and Reds that pester them.

So, in conclusion, my advice to brides and grooms is that if you can survive the wedding, the marriage should be smooth sailing.