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Weekly Tools and Tips to Improve Any Relationship

February 29, 2012

The Good Way to Deliver Bad News

While no one likes to deliver bad news, it’s something that most of us have had to do at some stage in life. Whether it’s announcing company redundancies, or telling a partner we’re moving on, it can sometimes take all we have to get the words out and our message across at the right moment. And then once it’s done, we’re often left wondering if perhaps we could have handled it a little better…

There are a number of reasons why someone would want to avoid delivering bad news. Whites, for instance, might not feel confident about handling any potential conflict their news is likely to generate, while Yellows might not want to risk becoming unpopular as a result of delivering a difficult message. Whatever they fear most, the situation is often a lot worse in the imagination than it is in real life, especially for a Blue who broods on the issue. He will replay the imagined scenario over and over in his mind, rehearsing his “bad news” lines, until the situation seems almost completely unbearable. So if there is a right way to deliver bad news, what is it?

Choose Your Medium

Sometimes people are given a choice as to how they deliver their bad news. If you have a number of options, it may be very tempting to choose the one that offers you most “protection” against any fall-out (eg, email or letter). However, if you want to be certain that your message has been understood then you need to choose a medium that best facilitates this. Wherever possible, deliver bad news face-to-face. Not only does this approach show respect, care, and compassion for the recipient, but it provides an opportunity for him or her to discuss the matter further with you and to ask any questions.

Another reason that face-to-face delivery is best is that whoever the recipient is, he or she will understand just how difficult your task is and appreciate that you haven’t resorted to using e-mail or the telephone. And whether used in the bedroom or boardroom, your recipient will respect you more for telling him or her face-to-face instead of taking the easy way out and delivering your news by other means.

Delivering news face-to-face also allows you to read the recipient’s body language and to deal with those non-verbal aspects of communication that would be missed over the telephone or in e-mail. Regardless of whether the situation is a personal or professional one, non-verbal communication is important when delivering bad news as it allows you to gauge how your message is being received and can help you to deliver your news in a way that helps you achieve your desired outcome.

Sometimes face-to-face delivery will be impossible; distance, for example, may prevent it. The next best medium when telling someone bad news is the telephone. However, while delivering your news to someone over the telephone will allow him or her to ask questions, this situation could become difficult if you’re addressing more than one person at a time, in a workplace setting for instance. Even with teleconferencing or videoconferencing facilities, it may be difficult to control the situation if you’ve got a large group of people all clamoring to ask questions at the same time.

Choose Your Words

Nothing is less helpful than communicating an unclear message. Therefore, it’s important to think about what you want to say before actually saying it. When choosing your words, think about how they will be received and the effect they’re likely to have on the recipient and your relationship with him or her. However, while you may wish to deliver your news in a way that will spare someone’s feelings, avoiding the crux of the issue could result in your message being misconstrued, which in turn could lead to big problems in the future. Try to put aside any fear you have and avoid giving a diluted version of your news.

Reds, beware. Both directness and sensitivity are needed if you want to effectively communicate your message. Blues and Yellows: don’t dance around the issue in a preamble to saying what it is you want to say. While you may think that this will put you in a good light, most people would rather be told bad news without any waffle.

Furthermore, when a key message is embedded in other messages, it can easily get lost. If you have to tell one of your team members that unless his performance improves he will be fired, don’t bury that message in praise for the wonderful job he’s done to date. By all means acknowledge the good work he’s done for the company, but make it clear to him why you’re talking to him. When bad news is delivered at the same time as high praise, the recipient will often listen to the high praise and ignore all the rest! This strategy applies whether you’re in a professional or personal situation: don’t start reminiscing with your lover and highlighting all their good points if you’ve come to tell him or her that you’re moving on.

When delivering bad news, focus on the outcome of the situation. The recipient will be focusing on the negative, so try to get him or her to focus on the positives that can be gained from the situation. When bad news is placed in the context of future growth it may no longer be seen as bad news, but as an opportunity to move on and achieve success. CC